Call of Duty Zombies Quotes
by Seven6five2
Summary: Quotes The Call of Duty Zombies Characters say In the Call of Duty franchise. Ranging From Maps on World at War to Black Ops III
1. Verruckt

**_I DO NOT OWN CALL OF DUTY OR THEIR CHARACTERS/QUOTES FOR THEY BELONG TO TREYARCH!_**

 _ **VERRUCKT {WORLD AT WAR MAP PACK 1/BLACK OPS 1}**_

 _ **Marine 1's Quote**_

 ** _Beginning_**

"Great, power's out."

— At the start of a game.

"There's gotta be a power switch around here somewhere."

— At the start of a game.

"We need to turn the power on."

— At the start of a game.

"Okay, let's see about getting the power back on."

— At the start of a game.

"Shit, no power."

— At the start of a game.

 ** _Weapons_**

"Got a magnum!"

— Upon getting a .357 Magnum.

"My all-time favorite pistol!"

— Upon getting a .357 Magnum.

"One shot should put 'em down!"

— Upon getting a .357 Magnum.

"That'll work."

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"Now you're talking."

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"Let's see how they like this."

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"MG. That'll work."

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"This'll tear 'em apart."

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"I got a shotgun!"

— Upon getting a shotgun.

"Ready for some point blank pain?"

— Upon getting a shotgun.

"I'm gonna put 'em back in the ground!"

— Upon getting a shotgun.

"Limbs are gonna fly!"

— Upon getting a shotgun.

"I'll shoot the maggots off their faces!"

— Upon getting a sniper rifle.

"I'll need to find a good sniping position."

— Upon getting a sniper rifle.

"Ha, I got a sniper rifle!"

— Upon getting a sniper rifle.

"I'll drop 'em at fifty yards!"

— Upon getting a sniper rifle.

"This'll make for easy headshots."

— Upon getting a sniper rifle.

"A flamethrower, huh?"

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"No such thing as friendly fire."

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"Aww, they'll burn!"

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"Let's turn up the heat!"

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"Let's burn the bastards!"

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"This ain't standard issue."

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"Is this a toy?"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"What kind of gun is this?"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"A ray gun?"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"This thing better pack a punch!"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"Space-Man Gun!"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

 _ **Killing Zombies**_

"Nice!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"What a shot!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Popped his head like a melon!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Get back in the dirt!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"You mind not bleedin' on me?"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"Stupid undead bastard!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"Die, you son of a bitch!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"I thought I was dead meat!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"Those bastards nearly had me!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

 ** _Ammo_**

"Great, low ammo."

— Upon being low on ammo.

"I'm nearly out, I need ammo!"

— Upon being low on ammo.

"Need another clip here!"

— Upon being low on ammo.

"I'm low on ammo!"

— Upon being low on ammo.

 ** _Mystery Box_**

"That ain't good."

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

"Aww, come on!"

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

"Shit!"

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

"Where'd it go?"

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

"Anyone else see that?"

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

"Damn thing just vanished!"

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

 _ **Downed**_

"Someone help me!"

— Upon getting downed.

"Help, someone!"

— Upon getting downed.

"I need help!"

— Upon getting downed.

"I owe you one."

— Upon getting revived.

"Good as new."

— Upon getting revived.

"Thanks for saving my ass."

— Upon getting revived.

 _ **Marine 2's Quotes**_

 _ **Beginning**_

"Great, power's out."

— At the start of a game.

"There's gotta be a power switch around here somewhere."

— At the start of a game.

"We need to turn the power on."

— At the start of a game.

"Okay, let's see about getting the power back on."

— At the start of a game.

"Shit, no power."

— At the start of a game.

 ** _Killing Zombies_**

"Right in the head!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Took his head off!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Yeah!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Bullet in the brain!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"That was too close!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"Thought I was lunch for sure!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

 ** _Weapons_**

"This'll put 'em down!"

— Upon getting a .357 Magnum.

"Now THAT's a man's pistol!"

— Upon getting a .357 Magnum.

"This'll go through 'em like shit through a puppy!"

— Upon getting a .357 Magnum.

"Gotta love the Magnum!"

— Upon getting a .357 Magnum.

"'Bout time."

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"M-fucking-G!"

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"Hell yeah!"

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"Ready to rock!"

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"MG, nice!"

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"Got a shotgun!"

— Upon getting a shotgun.

"Alright, shotgun!"

— Upon getting a shotgun.

"Let's see how they like this!"

— Upon getting a shotgun.

"This'll take their heads clean off!"

— Upon getting a shotgun.

"They're gonna bleed good now!"

— Upon getting a shotgun.

"Sniper rifle!"

— Upon getting a sniper rifle.

"I just have to keep my distance."

— Upon getting a sniper rifle.

"I'll make every bullet count."

— Upon getting a sniper rifle.

"They won't see what hit 'em!"

— Upon getting a sniper rifle.

"I got a flamethrower!"

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"Want some unfriendly fire, zombies?"

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"Ooh, they are gonna BURN!"

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"Let's cook zombies!"

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"Let's fry these a-holes!"

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"Spaceman gun!"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"Crazy lookin' pistol!"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"This thing fire bullets?"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"This should blast right through 'em!"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"Weirdest looking gun I've ever seen."

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

 ** _Ammo_**

"Low ammo!"

— Upon being low on ammo.

"I'm nearly out!"

— Upon being low on ammo.

"I'm low on ammo!"

— Upon being low on ammo.

"I'm gonna need ammo!"

— Upon being low on ammo.

"I need ammo!"

— Upon being low on ammo.

 ** _Mystery Box_**

"Now that's just... wrong!"

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

"That ain't fair!"

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

"Aww, hell no!"

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

"What do we do now?"

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

"This is bullshit!"

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

 ** _Downed_**

"Man down! Man DOWN!"

— Upon getting downed.

"Help me!"

— Upon getting downed.

"I'm down!"

— Upon getting downed.

"That was too frickin' close!"

— Upon being revived.

"Thought I was lunch for sure!"

— Upon being revived.

"Am I glad to see you!"

— Upon being revived.

 _ **Marine 3's Quotes**_

 ** _Beginning_**

"Great, power's out."

— At the start of a game.

"There's gotta be a power switch around here somewhere."

— At the start of a game.

"We need to turn the power on."

— At the start of a game.

"Okay, let's see about getting the power back on."

— At the start of a game.

"Shit, no power."

— At the start of a game.

 ** _Weapons_**

"Ha ha, magnum!"

— Upon getting a .357 Magnum.

"This'll blow a hole in 'em!"

— Upon getting a .357 Magnum.

"Ah, these things are lethal."

— Upon getting a .357 Magnum.

"Ready to pop some heads!"

— Upon getting a .357 Magnum.

"MG!"

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"This'll give me a fightin' chance."

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"About time."

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"Thank god, finally!"

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"Machine gun!"

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"Shotgun, pretty good."

— Upon getting a shotgun.

"I'll need to let 'em get close."

— Upon getting a shotgun.

"This'll take their heads off!"

— Upon getting a shotgun.

"Shotgun!"

— Upon getting a shotgun.

"This'll make some noise!"

— Upon getting a sniper rifle.

"Ha, sniper rifle!"

— Upon getting a sniper rifle.

"I'll snipe the bastards!"

— Upon getting a sniper rifle.

"Death from a distance!"

— Upon getting a sniper rifle.

"I'll just pick 'em off!"

— Upon getting a sniper rifle.

"I hope those bastards burn!"

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"Everything burns!"

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"C'mon, let's burn those freaks!"

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"Fire kills!"

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"Flamethrower! Hallelujah!"

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"Gah, what kind of gun is this?"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"Is this a... Ray Gun?"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"Let's try this thing out."

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"Does this thing come with a manual?"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"Alright, let's see what this can do!"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

Killing ZombiesEdit

"Woah!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Headshot!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Right in the head!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Ha!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Right in the skull!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Get out of my face!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"Stay back!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"Ha, try to take a chunk out of me?"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"Get the hell away!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"That was too freakin' close!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"I thought I was lunch for sure..."

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"I thought I was gonna die!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

 ** _Ammo_**

"No, not now!"

— Upon being low on ammo.

"Gah, I'm almost out of ammo!"

— Upon being low on ammo.

"Damn it, I need some ammo!"

— Upon being low on ammo.

"NOOO!"

— Upon being low on ammo.

"Uhh, nearly empty."

— Upon being low on ammo.

 ** _Mystery Box_**

"NOOO!"

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

"We're in trouble!"

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

"That's a big problem!"

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

"The box is gone!"

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

"Now what?!"

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

 _ **Downed**_

"Ah... *moans*... they got me!"

— Upon getting downed.

"Don't leave me here!"

— Upon getting downed.

"I don't wanna die!"

— Upon getting downed.

"Uhh, I though I was gonna die!"

— Upon getting revived.

"Uhh, you got here just in time!"

— Upon getting revived.

"That was too damn close..."

— Upon getting revived.

 _ **Marine 4's Quotes**_

 ** _Beginning_**

"Great, power's out."

— At the start of a game.

"There's gotta be a power switch around here somewhere."

— At the start of a game.

"Need to turn the power on."

— At the start of a game.

"Okay, let's see about getting the power back on."

— At the start of a game.

"Shit, no power."

— At the start of a game.

 ** _Weapons_**

"Ha, this'll blow a hole right through 'em."

— Upon getting a .357 Magnum.

"Oh, they're shit outta luck."

— Upon getting a .357 Magnum.

"Let's see how they like this."

— Upon getting a .357 Magnum.

"Feel lucky, zombies?"

— Upon getting a .357 Magnum.

"I just took a trip to awesome-town."

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"MG!"

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"This'll give me a fightin' chance."

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"'Bout time."

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"They're gonna bleed good."

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"Dead. Meat."

— Upon getting a machine gun.

"This is my boomstick!"

— Upon getting a shotgun.

"I'll blast 'em straight to hell!"

— Upon getting a shotgun.

"Ready for some 12 bore gore."

— Upon getting a shotgun.

"Come get some."

— Upon getting a shotgun.

"Sniper rifle."

— Upon getting a sniper rifle.

"I'll snipe those freaks."

— Upon getting a sniper rifle.

"I'll just pick 'em off."

— Upon getting a sniper rifle.

"Flamethrower!"

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"I'm gonna have me a barbecue."

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"They're gonna burn."

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"Zombie-cue."

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethrower.

"I just took a trip to awesome-town."

— Upon getting an M2 Flamethower.

"What kinda gun is this?"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"Is this a... ray gun?"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"It's a freakin' ray gun!"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"Does this thing come with a manual?"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"This looks like some spaceman shit."

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

 _ **Killing Zombies**_

"Right in the head."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Right in the skull."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Hey, say hi to your führer."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Go to hell."

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"You wanna try that again?"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"Frickin' zombies!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"Get the hell away!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"Try to take a chunk out of me?"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"Stay back!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

 ** _Ammo_**

"Low ammo!"

— Upon being low on ammo.

"Shit, I'm almost out."

— Upon being low on ammo.

"Damn it, ammo's low."

— Upon being low on ammo.

"Nearly empty."

— Upon being low on ammo.

"I need ammo!"

— Upon being low on ammo.

 ** _Mystery Box_**

"NO!"

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

"We're in trouble."

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

"That is a big problem."

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

"The box is gone."

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

"Ahh, now what?"

— Upon the mystery box teleporting.

 ** _Downed_**

"Don't leave me here."

— Upon getting downed.

"I'm down!"

— Upon getting downed.

"Damn it, they got me!"

— Upon getting downed.

"I thought I was dead meat."

— Upon getting revived.

"They nearly had me."

— Upon getting revived.

"You got here just in time."

— Upon getting revived.

 ** _Demonic Announcer_**

"KA-BOOM!"

— After picking up a Nuke.

"Double Points!"

— After picking up Double Points.

"Insta-Kill!"

— After picking up Insta-Kill.

"Max Ammo!"

— After picking up Max Ammo.


	2. Shi No Numa

**_Shi No Numa_**

 ** _Tank Dempsey_**

"Die again, maggot sacks!"

— After getting a kill.

"Take a napalm bath!"

— After getting a flamethrower kill.

"Don't fuck with a Marine!"

— Killing a zombie that hit him or got very close.

"Whoa, look at the flesh fly!"

— After getting a multi-kill.

"I'll wade in your guts, maggotsack!"

— Usually after getting a knife kill, sometimes other ways.

"You freakin' stink!"

— After killing a zombie with the knife.

"I'm not your C-Rations!"

— Usually after getting a knife kill on an enemy who hit him.

"You can't keep a marine down."

— After being revived.

"Just another day of kicking ass."

— After killing a zombie.

"I'll cook your soul!"

— After getting a kill with the Flamethrower.

"Shit! I think its skull just hit next week!"

— After getting a headshot.

"Lead to the head, baby!"

— After getting a headshot.

"Fuckin' A, that was a good shot!"

— After getting a headshot.

"I'll swallow your soul!"

— After knifing a zombie.

"Do that again and I'll bite you back, freaksack!"

— After killing a zombie that has recently hit him.

"He's a lot prettier without a head!"

— After getting a headshot

"Is it just me or is it raining blood around here?"

— After knifing a zombie.

"Argh! You just got dead flesh on my new boots!"

— After knifing a zombie.

"I'm gonna make a pile of maggot ash!"

— After turning on an electric barrier.

"Hey freak-bag! You ain't that good!"

— After killing the zombie that hit him.

"It's a bloodbath! My favorite kind!"

— After killing multiple zombies.

"Sorry zombie. I ain't nobody's meat-snack!"

— After killing a zombie that had hit.

"That was BADASS!"

— After killing a group of zombies with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"What... Are they gonna put a music easter egg in every map now?!"

— After activating "The One".

"I wonder if that rock brought those freak-bags..."

— After shooting red meteor in storage area.

"I'm out of gun juice!"

— After running out of ammo

"Damn. Gonna need a clip soon."

— After running out of ammo.

"Fuck! I can't blow shit up without ammo!"

— When out of ammo.

" Son of a bitch."

— Starting a Hellhound round.

"The Devil's dogs, heh, no match for the U.S. Marines."

— Starting a Hellhound round (Reference to the Marines' nickname, the Devil Dogs.)

"(clicking tongue) C'mere puppy! Got something for ya!"

— Starting a Hellhound round.

"Those sure don't sound like freak-bags!"

— Starting a Hellhound round.

"What the hell's a Wonder Waffle?"

— After obtaining the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box.

"FUCKING teddy bear!"

— After receiving the Teddy Bear from a Mystery Box.

"Those freakbags are gonna eat lead and die."

— After getting an MG from the Mystery Box.

"Unless you take my guns, I wouldn't laugh, asshole!"

— After getting the teddy bear.

"One shot, one kill."

— After receiving the .357 Magnum. (Reference to the Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare mission, One Shot, One Kill.)

"Heavy weaponry, ha ha, a real man's toy."

— After getting any fully automatic weapon out of the mystery box.

"Six shots, six kills"

— Upon getting the .357 Magnum.

"Oorah."

— After getting an MG from the Mystery Box

"They say I have an electrifying personality, I guess they were right."

— Upon getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery box.

"The perfect weapon for the perfect soldier!"

— After getting an MG out of the Mystery box.

"Just got no luck."

— After getting Molotov Cocktail or M1911 out of the Mystery box.

"I know you ain't laughing at me, motherfucker!"

— After getting the Teddy Bear out of the Mystery Box.

"Go ahead slackjaw, make my day!"

— After getting a .357 Magnum, a reference to the film Dirty Harry.

"This is gonna put their guts on the outside!"

— After getting a Shotgun from the Mystery box.

"I don't know who Ray is, but his gun is rip!"

— After getting the Ray Gun.

"Lead is gonna fly, and heads are gonna roll!"

— After obtaining any machine gun.

"Draw, motherfuckers!"

— After getting the .357 Magnum from the Mystery box.

"I wonder if I can make this fully automatic."

— After getting a PTRS-41.

"Welcome to Awesometown, population: 1. Me."

— After getting a 'good' weapon from the Mystery Box.

"I don't need that fucking box, anyways!"

— When the Mystery box moves.

"Damn, I need to kill more freakbags first."

— After attempting to buy something without enough points.

"Ka-fucking-boom freakbags!"

— After the Nuke power up is obtained.

"Time to kill!"

— After achieving an Insta-Kill.

"Yeah, that's right!"

— After achieving Max Ammo.

"I wish i could to meet the chick who sang that jingle."

— After getting Juggernog.

"Ugh. Tastes like fish."

— After getting Quick Revive Soda.

"Dude, I love Bossa-nova..."

— After getting Speed Cola.

"What the hell is a Root Beer shelf?"

— After drinking Double Tap Root Beer.

"Max ammo machine, ah genius"

— After obtaining the cut Perk-a-Cola Amm-O-Matic

"Hey! Richtofen actually discharged his weapon!"

— After witnessing a kill by Richtofen.

"Takeo! You keep shooting like that and you'll be almost as bad-ass as me one day."

— After witnessing multiple kills by Takeo

"You could have just put a smoke in his eye!"

— After witnessing a kill by Takeo, a possible reference to the beginning of "Semper Fi"

"Lucky shot, Richtofen."

— After witnessing Richtofen get a headshot.

"I'm surprised you didn't torture him first."

— After witnessing a kill by Takeo

 ** _Nikolai Belinski_**

"Stay away from my Vodka!"

— After killing a zombie.

"Who are you, fucking Rasputin? Stay dead this time!"

— After killing a zombie (Reference to Rasputin, a Russian man who was poisoned, shot several times, and thrown into an icy river and lived.)

"Holy shit, did you see that fucking head come apart?"

— After shooting a zombie in the head.

"I'm deadly, I'm fast...I'm drunk."

— Shoot a zombie in the head.

"Get out my fucking way!"

— Killing a zombie at close range.

"What's that clicking noise? Oh, I'm out of ammo!"

— After running out of ammo.

"Blood is such a pretty color."

— After killing a zombie.

"Blood! Gore! Sinew! Bones! Organs! Pulmonary systems!"

— After killing a zombie

"I will paint red square with their blood!"

— After killing zombies.

"Death to all who oppose the mighty motherland!"

— After killing a zombie

"Back off, mister."

— After killing a zombie at close range.

"How dare you touch me!"

— After killing a zombie that recently hit him.

"Back to hell, Satan's minions!"

— After killing a zombie.

"I'm coming for you, Lucifer!"

— After getting mutiple kills.

"Dogs, dogs, who's hungry?"

— Start of Hellhound round.

"I hear some angry fucking dogs."

— Just before the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"Oh shit, this fucking box."

— After receiving a teddy bear from the mystery box

"Reminds me of the wild wild east."

— After obtaining the .357 Magnum.

"My daughter always loved that fucking Teddy bear!"

— After receiving the Teddy Bear.

"This will protect while I sing about Old Petrovia!"

— After receiving the PPSh-41 from the Mystery Box

"Ah, the same weapon I used to kill my first wife. She was bitch!"

— After getting any type of shotgun.

"I will fry those undead pigs!"

— After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2 out of the Mystery box.

"In Russia, I kill bear 10 times your size!"

— After getting Teddy Bear in Mystery Box.

"Fast, strong, deadly, accurate, like my weapon!"

— After getting an MG.

"Vasili would be proud!"

— After getting a Russian gun, including the PPSh-41 and PTRS-41 out of the Mystery box.

"Time to pay the Piper."

— After getting a shotgun.

"I need more money first, why do we not share the points?"

— When attempting to buy something without enough points.

"I like this weapon almost as much as I like vodka."

— After getting a good weapon from the mystery box.

"Why do we not share the points?"

— After attempting to buy something without enough points.

"That Teddy Bear is laughing at me!"

— When getting the Teddy Bear.

"I LOVE THIS FUCKING GUN!"

— After killing a zombie with the Ray Gun.

"Another music Easter egg, I like this."

— After activating the telephone.

"I think the Red Menace would be interested in this space rock."

— After shooting at the meteorite.

"Don't make me fight with broken vodka bottle!"

— When out of ammo.

"I'm out of vodka, I-I mean ammo."

— After running out of ammo.

"Out of ammo! I'll have to kill them with my breath."

— After running out of ammo.

"Keep that fire away from my Vodka!"

— When the Nuke power-up is obtained.

"Just what we needed, although some vodka would be nice."

— After obtaining the Max Ammo power-up.

"I feel like dirty Capitalist!"

— After picking up Double Points.

"Revive Soda!"

— After drinking Quick Revive Soda.

"An ammo machine, what a brilliant idea"

— After obtaining the cut Perk-a-Cola Amm-O-Matic

"Let's all bow before the mighty Japanese warrior! Asshole."

— After Takeo kills lots of zombies.

"Very good American you may sniff my vodka."

— After seeing Dempsey get a headshot.

"Big deal! Don't get all Bolshevik about it you dog..."

— After being revived.

 ** _Takeo Masaki_**

"You will not dine on the honorable!"

— Upon killing a zombie in a close range.

"Stay back!"

— Upon killing a zombie in a close range.

"Your blood will RAIN on me!"

— Upon killing a zombie in a close range.

"Dead flesh will not kill the living!"

— Upon killing a zombie in a close range.

"Never again, will you taste our flesh!"

— Upon killing a zombie in a close range.

"Die, you diseased dog!"

— Upon killing a zombie in a close range.

"I will kill you all!"

— Upon killing a zombie in a close range.

"The sound of thunder, the vision of blood!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"His head is no more!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"It never saw its fate."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"You have felt my power!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"It cannot eat if it no longer has a head!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

" I will STRIKE the head of evil!"

— Upon getting a headshot!

"Its head is no more!"

— Upon getting a headshot!

"So sad, he didn't die slower."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"That was an impressive shot"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Today you will die!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"I will not have my flesh consumed!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"I will not succumb to you!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"BANZAI!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies.

"I have banished many!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies.

"The blood of the fallen is fuel for the honorable!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies.

"I am not done yet!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies.

"They WILL fall again!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies.

"You will be buried!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies.

"For the emperor!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies.

"It's too bad you didn't die more slowly!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies.

"DIE!"

— Upon killing a zombie with an explosion.

"Shi-Ne!"

— Upon killing a zombie with an explosion. "Shi-Ne" means "die" in English.

"You have been shattered into pieces!"

— Upon killing a zombie with an explosion.

"Your evil here no more!"

— Upon killing a zombie with an explosion.

"Your existence is no longer!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Ray Gun.

"The emperor would be pleased!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Ray Gun.

"Time for you to depart the realm of the living!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Ray Gun.

"Flesh becomes vapour!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"I will make you all DUST!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"May your ashes bless the Earth!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"Life is for ONE generation!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"Let what is past BEGONE!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"You will be purified by fire!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the M2 Flamethrower

"RAAAAAAAGH!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the M2 flamethrower

"BURN!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the M2 flamethrower

"May you burn for a thousand year!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the M2 flamethrower

"Your corpses will become ash!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the M2 flamethrower

"These hounds have no bite!"

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"They will fall as fast as their cousins!"

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"I am not afraid of death... or undeath!"

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"The dogs will FEAR the honorable!"

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"They have been exterminated!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"The death of a thousand fools makes not one smart man!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Unclean beasts!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Die, hounds of the dishonorable!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"We must all die... Today, it was your turn! Ha-ha!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"I require ammunition!"

— When low on ammo.

"I am almost out of 'munitions!"

— When low on ammo.

"My weapon cannot continue to fire without rounds!"

— When low on ammo.

"My weapon is out of ammunition!"

— When low on ammo.

"Need ammunition!"

— When low on ammo.

"I will take them down with my bare hands!"

— When out of ammo.

"I have no ammunitions!"

— When out of ammo.

"I will rush in and take them all with me!"

— When out of ammo.

"I have no ammo left!"

— When out of ammo.

"I am out of ammo!"

— When out of ammo.

"I need ammo!"

— When out of ammo!

"I have found an Easter egg of honor."

— After activating the telephone.

"This rock, it is not of this place."

— After shooting at the meteorite.

"The Americans did something right."

— After getting the .357 Magnum.

"We will dig many graves!"

— After getting an MG from the Mystery Box.

"For the Emperor!"

— After obtaining a Machine Gun.

"Six bullets. Six dead zombie!"

— After receiving a Magnum Revolver from the box.

"I require more money."

— After attempting to buy something without enough points.

"Challenged by a little bear...I accept."

— After getting the teddy bear from the random weapon box.

"The box will reappear, exactly where it is supposed to."

— After Getting a Teddy Bear from the random weapon box.

"A foolish notion that what is, will always be."

— After getting the Teddy Bear from the random weapon box.

"Perhaps the box, does not exist at all..."

— After Mystery Box disappears.

"A teddy bear...with the heart of a dragon"

— After getting a teddy bear.

"I am most displeased."

— After getting a Molotov Cocktail from the Mystery Box.

"I am blessed by Raiden!"

— After getting the Wunderwaffe DG-2 (Raiden is the name of the Japanese god of thunder).

"The Emperor has given us a bounty of ammo!"

— After picking up a Max Ammo.

"Mmm... This taste a little like sushi!"

— After getting Quick Revive Soda.

"Reminds me of the o-o-old West."

— After getting Double Tap Root Beer.

"Speed Cola... is honorable."

— After getting Speed Cola.

"Ah, this is a present from the emperor!"

— After obtaining the cut Perk-a-Cola Amm-O-Matic

"Nice shooting!"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot.

"You improve your honor with such precision!"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot.

"They will fall before your honor, Richtofen!"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot.

"Very good shooting!"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot.

"Aiming is a virture bestowed only upon the honorable!"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot.

"Lucky shot, Russian pig!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot.

"You only hit it because you were blessed with my honor!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot.

"That was a lucky shot!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot.

"A headshot is easy, if the target wishes death!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot.

"Your aim improves, even as your vision deteriorates!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot.

"Fuck, you will pay!"

— After being revived.

"My death would have been honorable!"

— After being revived.

"There is good Japanese design here."

— After activating the Flogger.

 ** _Edward Richtofen_**

"Haha! He cries as he burns."

— After killing a zombie with the flamethrower.

"His head is gone! How beautiful!"

— After scoring a headshot.

"His head exploded! Such Joy!"

— After getting a headshot.

"I do not like killing dogs."

— Before the Hellhounds come.

"Poor puppies, they know no better."

— When Hellhounds appear.

"Get out of my way, schweinhund!"

— After killing a zombie.

"WANT MORE BLOOD!"

— After killing a zombie.

"He tried to kiss me!"

— After being hit by a zombie.

"That's what you get for touching the Doctor."

— After killing a zombie that just hit him.

"Let us drown in their agony!"

— After killing a zombie

"Poof! You're gone."

— After killing a zombie destructively

"I'm so happy! Thank you!"

— After killing lots of zombies

"Do you hear it? Talking to me?"

— After killing multiple zombies with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"This is much better than my Hitler Youth knife!"

— After killing a zombie with a knife

"I have no more bullets to cure my patients!"

— When out of ammo.

"AMMO FOR THE DOCTOR!"

— When out of ammo.

"All I have left is my knife, but that means BLOOD!"

— When out of ammo.

"It's not the Wunderwaffe DG-2 but it will work."

— After getting a Ray Gun out of the Mystery box.

"(maniacal laughter)"

— After getting a PPSh-41 out of the Mystery box.

"NO! THE VOICES! STOP!"

— After obtaining a shotgun

"I will watch their heads explode!"

— After receiving the PTRS-41 from the Mystery box.

"Ahh, my old friend! How I have missed you!"

— After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2 out of the Mystery box.

"The Wunderwaffe DG-2! My greatest invention!"

— After getting the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"What? Shizen!"

— After getting the teddy bear from the Mystery box.

"NO! I am angry now!"

— When he gets the teddy bear from the Mystery box.

"The box of pleasure mocks me!"

— After receiving the teddy bear from the Mystery Box.

"I don't need to get paid for this pleasure!"

— After achieving Double-Points

"WATCH! Watch the beautiful FIRE!"

— After getting the Nuke.

"I feel like DANCING!"

— After obtaining Speed Cola.

"A ammo machine what a wunderbar idea!"

— After obtaining the cut Perk-a-Cola Amm-O-Matic

"Ahh that rock! Must be where element 115 comes from!"

— After shooting at the meteorite.

"I do not like you Dempsey you do not love pain."

— After Dempsey kills a zombie.

"The Doctor is not impressed Yankee Joe!"

— After Dempsey kills a zombie.

"Good work, Nikolai."

— After Nikolai kills a zombie.

"Nikolai, the Illuminati would be pleased with you."

— After witnessing a kill by Nikolai.

"It means so little to you. Disgusting!"

— After Dempsey kills a zombie

"Good, the service to the Illuminati can continue."

— After being revived.

"I'm back to cause more pain!"

— After getting revived.

"This looks like something I would build!"

— After turning on the Flogger.

 _ **Demonic Announcer**_

"Ka-Boom!"

— After getting nuke power-up.

"Max Ammo!"

— After getting Max Ammo power-up.

"Insta-Kill!"

— After getting Insta-Kill.

"Double Points!"

— After getting Double Points.

"Carpenter!"

— After getting the carpenter drop.

"Bye Bye!"

— After getting Teddy Bear from the Mystery box.

"FETCH ME THEIR SOULS!"

— When Hellhounds appear. (Said in a much deeper voice than normal)

"[Demonic Laughing]"

— When the Teddy Bear appears

"[Demonic Laughter]"

— After "activating" the bookshelf in the Doctors Quarter

 ** _Imperial Zombies_**

 ** _Zombie speech usually comes across as little more than a screech/howl._**

"No!"

— Upon trying to hit the player through a barricade

"Yes!"

— Upon breaking through a barricade

"Sam!"

— Upon a Zombie attacking, possibly referring to Samantha.

"Damn!"

— If another Zombie is killed.


	3. Der Riese

**_Tank Dempsey_**

"Now that's what I call blowing chunks!"

— After getting a headshot.

"Enough already!"

— After killing a zombie that recently hit him

"Bring it, freak bags!"

— Unknown, possibly random while killing zombies

"They're swarming! Look out!"

— Unknown, possibly random while fighting a large group of zombies

"Hi I'm Dempsey, and you are... DEAD!"

— After killing a zombie

"K.I.A., Maggot sack!"

— After killing a zombie

"Oorah! They're droppin' like bad habits!"

— After killing a zombie

"You meatheads too stupid to quit?"

— After killing a zombie

"Aww, look, I just saved everyone's knees, I'm a hero!"

— After killing a crawler

"I told you, I wasn't on the menu!"

— After killing a zombie that hit him

"Hey, we need a clean up in aisle 4!"

— After killing many zombies

"HOLY SHIT! Just how much bad-ass is there around here anyway?"

— Said after getting zombies with the Monkey Bomb.

"Just what we need, a cluttered battlefield."

— After killing many zombies

"Suck it!"

— After killing many zombies

"This just in, Dempsey is a fuckin' bad ass!"

— After killing many zombies

"I'm surrounded! Bring it mother-fuckers!"

— After being surrounded by zombies

"That was SWEET!"

— After a group of zombies get blown up

"Smells like Zom-B-Q!"

— After lighting a group of zombies on fire

"Can't touch this!"

— After knifing a zombie. (A reference to M.C. Hammer's U Can't Touch This)

"Eat it, gut bags!"

— After knifing a zombie

"Go eat someone else!"

— After knifing a zombie

"Slice and Dice baby!"

— After knifing a zombie with the Bowie Knife

"OWNED!"

— After knifing a zombie or getting a headshot at close range

"Hey! Someone needs to clean up those freak bits!"

— After getting a headshot, or blowing up many zombies

"I don't think it was using that anyway."

— After getting a headshot

"Yeah! I had my eyes closed that time!"

— After getting a headshot

"Freak-meat-bag-sackers!"

— After getting a kill streak

"I'll swim in your skin, maggot-whores!"

— After getting a knife streak

"Oorah, Oorah, Oorah, OORAH!"

— After getting a knife streak

"Awesome! Bzzzzt!"

— After getting multiple kills from the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"Everything burns!"

— After burning zombies with the M2 Flamethrower. Possibly a reference to the film "The Dark Knight". This line was said by the Joker.

"Shock and Awe!"

— After killing many zombies with the Wunderwaffe DG-3 JZ. A reference to the Call of Duty 4 campaign level

"I'm gonna miss that little guy."

— After a Monkey Bomb explodes

"Oorah, Monkey bones!"

— After a Monkey Bomb explodes

"Oorah, Slackjaw sauce comin' up!"

— After getting a automatic weapon

"See that little guy light 'em up!"

— After a Monkey Bomb explodes

"Bullets to the brain. Oorah."

— After getting a headshot

"Go join your legs."

— said after killing a crawler.

"Oorah! Don't fuck with a marine!"

— said after getting a knife kill.

 _ **Weapons and Mystery Box**_

"What are the Krauts gonna think of next?!"

— After getting the Monkey Bomb

"World's best weapon, world's finest soldier."

— After getting a powerful weapon

"Aww...isn't that so fucking cute?"

— After getting the Monkey Bomb

"I never win anything, except for WAR!"

— After not getting anything good from the box.

"Hey look, it's Richtofen's brother."

— After getting the Monkey Bomb

"Monkey see, monkey go blow some shit up."

— After getting the Monkey Bomb

"Time to gut these brainbags!"

— After getting the Bowie Knife

"Time to slice and dice!"

— After getting the Bowie Knife

"Oh yeah, now it's gonna get personal!"

— After getting the Bowie Knife

"L'eggo my Wonder Waffle!"

— After getting the Wunderwaffe DG-2. A reference to the company Kellogg's company slogan, "L'eggo My Eggo".

"Time to shock some meatbag ass!"

— After getting the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"Blowin' off limbs is one of my specialties!"

— After getting a shotgun

"Nothing says "I love you" quite like a shotgun."

— After getting a shotgun

"Get the marshmallows, I'll light the fire!"

— After getting the M2 Flamethrower

"Looks like Santa got my letter."

— After getting the Ray Gun

"Where's this thing keep 160 rounds?"

— After getting the Ray Gun

"You won't be giggling when I get through with you!"

— After getting the Teddy Bear out of the Mystery Box

"A big toy for a big boy!"

— After getting a machine gun

"*Crazed Laughter*"

— After getting a heavy weapon out of the Mystery Box

"Time to rip shit up!"

— After getting the MG42

"Gotta round up some rounds..."

— After being low on/having no ammunition

"I can't do my job if I ain't packin' heat!"

— After being low on/having no ammunition

"SHIT! Outta gun juice"

— After running out of ammunition.

"You laughing at me? Not wise."

— After getting the Teddy Bear

"They're going down. One. Limb. At a time."

— After getting the Shotgun

"Rat-a-tat-tat meat sacks!"

— After getting a heavy machine gun.

"Boiling zombie brains coming right up!"

— After getting the flamethrower.

"You undead punks feeling lucky?"

— After getting the .357 Magnum. A reference to Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry

"Now I've got somethin' fun to bring to the party!"

— After getting an MG from the Mystery Box

"If I had a good weapon I'd blow this box up."

— After receiving the Molotov Cocktail from the Mystery Box

 _ **Power Ups**_

"JUUUIIICE!"

— After getting a Max Ammo power-up

"Much appreciated!"

— After getting a Max Ammo power-up

"Line 'em up!"

— After getting a Double Points power-up

"Rack 'em up!"

— After getting a Double Points power-up

"Oorah! (Demonic tone)"

— After getting the Carpenter power-up

"Oorah, devil man!"

— After getting the Carpenter power-up

"Dempsey's butcher shop is open for business!"

— After getting the Insta-Kill power-up

 _ **Perk-a-Cola, Pack-a-Punch, and Teleporters**_

"I wonder how we can get to that..."

— After approaching the unopened Pack-a-Punch Machine

"Mmm, Pack-a-Punch. Must be named after me!"

— After approaching the Pack-a-Punch Machine

"Pack-a-punch. Reminds me of a sweet chick I knew once! Heh heh."

— After approaching the Pack-a-Punch Machine

"This machine belongs in AWESOMETOWN!"

— After approaching the Pack-a-Punch Machine

"This German shit is slower than a freakbag tied to a tree!"

— After using the Pack-a-Punch Machine

"Gotta link up this terra..er, tele... bah... machine."

— After approaching a deactivated Teleporter

"Where's that mainframe again?"

— After approaching a deactivated Teleporter

"Anybody ever hear of a "Die Glocke"?"

— After approaching a Teleporter

"I think Richtofen knows more about what's going on than it seems..."

— After approaching a Teleporter

"Yah! I'm always into Jugg-a-nog [sic]."

— After getting Juggernog

"Livin' the fast life, that's the way I roll. "

— After getting Speed Cola

"Yeah, I'm real thirsty partner..."

— After drinking Double Tap Root Beer

"I fucking HATE fish!"

— After drinking the Quick Revive Soda

"*singing* I'll be drinking Jugg-er-nog tonight and uh *stops singing* I can totally get inside that chick."

— Randomly, mostly when upgrading a weapon

"I'm makin' some freak-meat stew! Who wants some?"

— After taking an upgraded weapon in the Pack-a-Punch Machine

"That's what I need... more fucking firepower!"

— After taking an upgraded weapon in the Pack-a-Punch Machine

"Oorah Pack a Punch! Where's that dead meat?"

— After taking an upgraded weapon in the Pack-a-Punch Machine

 _ **Interactive**_

"Oorah, Takeo!"

— When Takeo makes a crawler

"Woah, crawler, courtesy of our Bushido warrior!"

— When Takeo makes a crawler

"Hey Takeo, you missed part of it!"

— When Takeo makes a crawler

"Takeo! Knee biter, comin' in!"

— When Takeo makes a crawler

"Nice work Takeo, but you got a little left here to kill!"

— When Takeo makes a crawler

"Poor Richtofen! Surrounded by his own creations!"

— When Richtofen is swarmed

"Hey Richtofen! Are you having a family reunion?"

— When Richtofen is swarmed

"Richtofen's surrounded. Poor little Kraut."

— When Richtofen is swarmed

 ** _Other_**

"Couldn't live without me, huh?"

— After being revived

"I must have slipped, oorah.'"

— After being revived

"What the Hell were they looking for?"

— When approaching a chalkboard

"Hey Richtofen, what does all this shit mean?"

— After approaching a chalkboard.

"Let's get this done..."

— Unknown, possibly when starting a game

"Imagine that! We need to turn the power on; how original!"

— Starting a game

"Ah, shit, here come the dogs!"

— Before a Hellhound round starts

"Shouldn't you guys be on a leash?"

— Before a Hellhound round starts

"When I find your master, I'm kicking his ass!"

— Before a Hellhound round starts

"*sigh* These Wonder-Waffles [sic], Ray Guns, teleporters, Die Glockes, uhh, whatever, let's just go kill some freak bags."

— Randomly

"Freakdogs! Bring it on!"

— Before a Hellhound round starts

"Richtofen, stop humping the monkey toy!"

— When Richtofen is about to throw the monkey bomb

"Who's this 'Doctor Maxis' I keep hearing about?"

— Sometimes said when activating the radio in the spawn area

 ** _Nikolai Belinski_**

 ** _Kills_**

"Even drunk, I'm too strong for you."

— Randomly while killing a zombie

"So much death, so quickly, like Eastern Front all over again!"

— After killing a large number of zombies

"FUCK YOU!"

— Randomly while killing a zombie

"Only man and wife should be so close!"

— After killing a zombie that has hit him

"And the limbs go flying! Hows that for an ARM-y?! Get it? With the arms? Fuck you."

— After dismembering a zombie's arm

"Look, I just made a new pet. I'll take it for a walk for about 5 minutes while the rest of you dick around."

— After making a crawling zombie

"Now we're BOTH legless!"

— After blowing a zombie's legs off.

"Die, Hell-pig!"

— After knifing a zombie

"Good, that fucking song was driving me nuts!"

— After a Monkey Bomb explodes

"Ha Ha, you just got fucked by a monkey!"

— After a Monkey Bomb explodes

"*Grunt*...Did I just do that?"

— After getting a headshot

"I was on fire once, it was not fun."

— Killing zombies with the M2 Flamethrower

"Nikolai likes his bacon crispy."

— Killing zombies with the M2 Flamethrower

"This is a happy massacre!"

— After killing a large amount of zombies

 _ **Weapons and Mystery Box**_

"Those should be mine, you Japanese pig!"

— After witnessing Takeo get the monkey bomb.

"Ah, the same weapon I used to kill my third wife! She was bitch!"

— After getting a M1897 Trench Gun or Double-Barreled shotgun

"Death is inevitable, like hangovers, I know."

— When getting a shotgun

"Even I can hit something with this!"

— After getting the FG-42

"Same weapon I used to kill my second wife. It was accident!... She talked too much."

— After getting the PTRS-41 or the PPSh-41

"I had more powerful weapons on my pig farm!"

— After getting a Molotov Cocktail

"This will hurt like syphilis. Believe me, I know."

— After getting an automatic weapon

"That's a big fucking knife!"

— After getting the Bowie knife

"Someone is not sharing their ammo..."

— After running low on/out of ammunition

"Don't make me fight with broken vodka bottle!"

— After running low on/out of ammunition

"Soviet war machine grind to halt without ammo!"

— After running low on/out of ammunition

"I have vodka, BUT NO FUCKING AMMO!"

— After running low on/out of ammunition

"I feel empty... SHIT! I AM EMPTY!"

— After running out of ammo

"In Russia, I kill bears TEN TIMES your size!"

— After getting a teddy bear

"Ha ha, you make funny joke..."

— After getting a teddy bear

"Cold, hard, Russian steel!"

— After receiving the Bowie Knife.

"Where is ammo? Nikolai is in deep shit!"

— When out of ammunition

"My first wife was more dangerous than this!"

— After obtaining a low power gun from the Mystery Box

"This... Soviet... is... complete!"

— After Pack-a-Punching a Wonder Weapon.

 _ **Power-ups**_

"I'm boarding all the windows. Don't help or anything!"

— After getting a Carpenter power-up

"I used to be a carpenter, you know."

— After getting a Carpenter power-up

"I'll drink to that! Hell, I'll drink to anything!"

— After getting Double Points.

"I've got the hammer. Go find me a sickle."

— After getting a Carpenter power-up (A reference to the Soviet insignia)

"Maybe I will share these points with State!"

— After getting a Double-Points power-up

"Points?! I'm trying to stay alive!"

— After getting a Double-Points power-up on later rounds

"Soviet supply routes, they're not this good."

— After getting the Max Ammo power-up.

Perk-a-cola, Pack-a-Punch, and TeleporterEdit

"It's a distillery!...Oh, no, it's just a teleporter."

— After approaching a deactivated Teleporter

"So now I have to run all the way back to the mainframe to link it... so much fucking running!"

— After activating a Teleporter

"If this were Russian, there wouldn't be so much running around. You would press ONE button, and it would work."

— After linking a Teleporter to the mainframe

"Ugh, I feel like I will throw up..."

— After using a Teleporter

"Balls, check. Vodka, check. Okay I'm good."

— After using a Teleporter

"Ugh, that vodka was terrible. Oh wait, I teleported!"

— After using a Teleporter

"Why didn't they spend their money on a Vodka Transfer machine?"

— After linking a Teleporter to the mainframe

"Hello? Can someone open this door so I can get to the cool gadgets?"

— After approaching an unopened Pack-a-Punch Machine

"It looks like it pollishes huge balls, so you bastards would have no use for it! Haha! Because you have no balls!"

— After approaching the Pack-a-Punch Machine

"Pack-a-punch? Oh my God, I think it makes vodka!"

— After approaching the Pack-a-Punch Machine

"Wow... I gotta take this back for the boss to see."

— After approaching the Pack-a-Punch Machine

"Urgh! This is worst vodka I ever taste."

— After getting Juggernog

"With this speed, I have more time to drink between kills, eh?"

— After drinking Speed Cola

"Do I really want to help anyone else?"

— After buying Quick Revive

"Thank you, comrade cowboy."

— After buying Double Tap Root Beer

 _ **Interactive**_

"Use it wisely Tank. Use it wisely."

— After Tank Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb

"That a new pet, American?"

— When Tank Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb or when he makes a crawler

"How come you always get the good guns, and I get the Colt?"

— After witnessing Tank Dempsey getting a good gun

"You're almost as brave as me, Dempsey."

— After witnessing Tank Dempsey running through a group of zombies

"You're killing them, I'm killing them. Even fucking Doc is killing them! Takeo?"

— Said randomly

"Did someone make joke?"

— After witnessing someone get the Teddy Bear

"I share your disgust for our stumpy little nemesises. Nemes-ises... uh, enemies."

— After seeing Dempsey make a crawler

"Perhaps you are of use."

— After getting revived

"Looks like Takeo shit his pants again, heh heh."

— Nikolai after Takeo remarks about killing a lot of zombies.

"Oorah! The Marines Dempsey!"

— After Tank remarks about getting a large killstreak

"Right here with you Tank!"

— After Tank asks where everyone else is

"You have no fear Dempsey. Like me!"

— After Tank remarks about getting a large killstreak

 ** _Other_**

"I need a fucking perk. Let's go find the power ."

— At the beginning of the game

"No power! Just like home!"

— At the beginning of a game

"The air hangs heavy with stench of dog shit."

— At the start of a hellround

"I need more money first, why do we not share the points?"

— After trying to buy something without enough points

"What the hell are you doing here you creepy fucks?"

— At the beginning of the game

"I'm out of ammo! I'm going for a drink."

— When out of ammo

"You hurt me, I KILL you!"

— After killing a Zombie that just hit him

"Stay away from my Vodka!"

— At the beginning of the Hellhound round

"FUCK! They're between me and my vodka!"

— After noticing a large group of zombies near him

"Zombies! We gotta move!"

— After being surrounded by zombies

 ** _Takeo Masaki_**

 ** _Kills_**

"I have drawn a line in the sand!"

— Upon killing a zombie close to him.

"Face me at your peril."

— Upon killing a zombie close to him.

"You bring about your own destruction!"

— Upon killing a zombie close to him.

"Die, like the animal you are!"

— Upon killing a zombie close to him.

"You should have slumbered in your grave!"

— Upon killing a zombie close to him.

"Now you sleep for eternity!"

— Upon killing a zombie close to him.

"Kneel before me!"

— Upon killing a zombie close to him.

"All your efforts lead to failure!"

— Upon killing a zombie close to him.

"You bring forth your destruction!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"Most impressive..."

— Upon killing a zombie with a headshot.

"The power of my ancestors flows through my veins!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a headshot.

"Death comes quickly to you!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a headshot.

"Your deaths have come to an end, my undead enemy."

— Upon killing a zombie with a headshot.

"Your abomination has been wiped from the earth."

— Upon killing a zombie with a headshot.

"I just played a great position."

— Upon killing a zombie with a headshot.

"I am like a brain surgeon!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a headshot.

"It is time for your autopsy!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a headshot.

"No closer shall you come!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a headshot.

"An eye for an eye!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"You dare touch me?"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"The worms will dine tonight!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"You'll die for your disrespect!"

— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"The spirits of my ancestors are with me!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies.

"I cleanse the earth of your poison!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies.

"All must fall!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies.

"By my warriors hand, you die!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies.

"See the error of your ways."

— Upon killing multiple zombies.

"Your suffering is at an end!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies.

"Begone, hellspawn!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies.

"Your fate has been fulfilled!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies.

"I, am, WARRIOR!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies.

KnifeEdit

"Shi-ne!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a knife. "Shi-ne" means "die" in Japanese.

"I send you to hell one piece at a time!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a knife.

"Accept your death!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a knife.

"Advance and fall!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a knife.

"A just kill!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a knife.

 _ **Explosion**_

"I scatter your remains across the land!"

— Upon killing a zombie with an explosion.

"Your limbs travel high into the air!"

— Upon killing a zombie with an explosion.

"I blow you away like a mighty wind!"

— Upon killing a zombie with an explosion.

"There is no purpose in your defiance!"

— Upon killing a zombie with an explosion.

"You live the futile life, but die the most entertaining death!"

— Upon killing a zombie with an explosion.

"They deserved their fate..."

— Upon killing a zombie with a Monkey Bomb.

"To kill tree, you must destroy forest."

— Upon killing a zombie with a Monkey Bomb.

"Destruction is the brother of destruction."

— Upon killing a zombie with a Monkey Bomb.

"Pain, in large numbers."

— Upon killing a zombie with a Monkey Bomb.

"I prefer them in smaller pieces."

— Upon killing a zombie with a Monkey Bomb.

"Monkey power!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a Monkey Bomb.

 _ **Ray Gun**_

"An unnatural death, for an unnatural beast!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Ray Gun.

"See what damage my weapon can do!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Ray Gun.

"Your death life is over!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Ray Gun.

"No more shall you feed on the living."

— Upon killing a zombie with the Ray Gun.

"I kill you! Ha ha!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Ray Gun.

 ** _Wunderwaffe DG-2_**

"You are joined in agony!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Feel the lightning surge through you!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Begone, hell-beast!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"You have fought your last battle."

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"No more shall you sour the earth with your presence."

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

 ** _M2 Flamethrower_**

"Flesh and bone become one with the air."

— Upon killing a zombie with the M2 Flamethrower.

"As ashes your future will be."

— Upon killing a zombie with the M2 Flamethrower.

"The fires of Hell consume you!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the M2 Flamethrower.

"Cinders and ashes you are!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the M2 Flamethrower.

"You live, only to die by my hand."

— Upon killing a zombie with the M2 Flamethrower.

 ** _Wounding_**

"Slain!"

— Upon killing a legless zombie.

"I have finished you!"

— Upon killing a legless zombie.

"Accept your penalty!"

— Upon killing a legless zombie.

"Your miserable existence is over!"

— Upon killing a legless zombie.

"I end you!"

— Upon killing a legless zombie.

"You are a waste!"

— After making a legless zombie.

"They continue, even as stumps!"

— After making a legless zombie.

"How do they survive?"

— After making a legless zombie.

"Still coming!"

— After making a legless zombie.

"They linger, incomplete!"

— After making a legless zombie.

"They gather at my feet!"

— After making a legless zombie.

"Half a zombie, still as dangerous!"

— After making a legless zombie.

"They waddle on the floor!"

— After making a legless zombie.

"Why do they persist?"

— After making a legless zombie.

"I am ashamed for you!"

— After making a legless zombie.

 ** _Hellhounds_**

"Your time on Earth is over!"

— After killing a Hellhound.

"I take pleasure in your deaths!"

— After killing a Hellhound.

"Return to the Hell from whence you came!"

— After killing a Hellhound.

"Your bark is worse than your bite!"

— After killing a Hellhound.

"No longer will you hunger for flesh!"

— After killing a Hellhound.

 ** _Ammo_**

"My ammunition supply runs low!"

— When low on ammo.

"No bullets remain!"

— When low on ammo.

"No ammo! My situation grows worse!"

— When low on ammo.

"Daoh!"

— When low on ammo.

"I need ammunitions, quickly!"

— When low on ammo.

"My weapons are like Dempsey's head. Empty."

— When out of ammo.

"Without ammo, I cannot achieve victory."

— When out of ammo.

"The emptiness of my weapons displeases me."

— When out of ammo.

"No ammunitions, very sad."

— When out of ammo.

"I need ammunition!"

— When out of ammo.

"I'm out of ammo!"

— When out of ammo.

"I need ammo!"

— When out of ammo.

 ** _Weapons and Mystery Box_**

"Simply bad-ass, just like me."

— After getting the .357 Magnum from Mystery Box

"This will hold them back for a while! Ha ha ha!"

— Planting Bouncing Betties

"Do not mock me, Bear."

— After getting the Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box

"Ah, the little warrior."

— After getting the Monkey Bomb

"Even a monkey is smarter than Nikolai."

— After getting the Monkey Bomb

"Tickles..."

— Rarely after getting damaged by the Wunderwaffe

"Monkey, I choose you!"

— Receiving a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery box. A reference to Pokemon.

"Ohhh... Monkey Bomb!"

— After receiving the Monkey Bomb

"Monkey is image of Nikolai's wife! But prettier."

— After a player receives a monkey bomb

"The main ingredient... a Zombie!"

— After getting the Bowie Knife

 ** _Power-ups_**

"Don't drop limb, drop power up..."

— After gibbing and killing a zombie without a power up dropping

"The killing can continue!"

— After receiving a max ammo power-up

"We have a chance to grow rich!"

— After receiving a Double Points power-up

"A good carpenter leaves no wood to be carved!"

— After using Carpenter

 ** _Perk-a-cola, Pack-a-Punch, Teleporter_**

"This weapon has honor!"

— After receiving a weapon from the Pack-a-Punch machine.

"Arigato."

— After using a teleporter.

"This will do very nicely... hehehe."

— After receiving a weapon from the Pack-a-Punch machine.

"I need what is in there!"

— After approaching an unopened Pack-a-Punch machine

 ** _Interactive_**

"Where is Red Army now, eh?"

— Said when Nikolai gets surrounded

"Richtofen, I will not desert you!"

— After Richtofen is swarmed

"Monkey knows Nikolai can't survive without him."

— Said when Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb

"My ancestors will have to wait for my arrival!"

— After being revived

"I will not give up!"

— After being surrounded by Zombies

 _ **Other**_

"Die you diseased dog!"

— At the start of a Hellhound round

"The spirits are toying with us."

— At the start of a Hellhound round

"The dogs hunger for the flesh... of us!"

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Hell's beasts approach!"

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"A storm approaches..."

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"I require more money."

— After trying to buy something without enough points

"I teach the animals, in the ways of death!"

— Beginning of a Hellhound round

 ** _Edward Richtofen_**

 _ **Kills**_

"His head EXPLODED. SUCH JOY!"

— After getting a headshot or blowing a zombie's head off with a grenade.

"Do you know WHO I AM?!"

— After killing a zombie

"Excuse me, do you have the time? AHAHAHAHAHA!"

— After killing a zombie

"I love to bathe naked... in your blood!"

— After killing a zombie

"Rest in peace, my little undead friend."

— After killing a zombie

"Stumpy was rude to the doctor. Stumpy paid the price."

— After killing a zombie

"The Doctor prescribes you... PAIN!"

— After killing a zombie

"Who's your daddy?"

— After killing a zombie

"You are my child. Bastard child, but child nonetheless."

— After killing a zombie

"Doctor recommends AMPUTATION!"

— After gibbing a zombie

"So many body parts! I am in HEAVEN!"

— After gibbing a zombie

"Ed wants your head!"

— After getting a headshot. Possible reference to Iron Maiden, a heavy metal band.

"Now let's see you clap! Hahaha!"

— After shooting off a zombie's arm

"Take your medicine, Child"

— After getting a headshot

"You will not feed!"

— Killing a group of zombies, or getting a headshot

"This must be how Dempsey's mother must have felt when he was born!"

— After being surrounded by zombies

"Let us all have a sing-along for the corpses"

— After a Monkey Bomb explodes

"No more monkey sing-along for the cadavers."

— After a Monkey Bomb explodes

"Oh, my! It kills people! Brilliant!"

— After a Monkey Bomb explodes

"You cannot resist the power of the Wunderwaffe!"

— After getting several kills with the Wunderwaffe

"His head sends his apologies."

— After getting a head shot.

"Look at all the body parts. Someone get me a bag!"

— After blowing up a group of zombies

"KNEEL!"

— After killing a zombie that had hit him

"Ooh! This is much better than my Hitler Youth knife!"

— After knifing a zombie (only on the Black Ops version)

"Blood, gore, sinew, bones, organs, pulmonary systems!"

— After knifing multiple zombies in a quick succession (only on the Black Ops version).

 _ **Weapons and Mystery Box**_

"Oh good, I have an apple to peel. AN ADAMS APPLE!"

— After purchasing the Bowie Knife

"Oh, it feels so good in my hands..."

— After getting the .357 Magnum

"Ooh, Wunderwaffe!"

— After getting multiple kills with the DG-2

"To kill quickly, ja! With skill? No."

— After receiving an Automatic Weapon.

"So much lead, for the dead! Ahah! I'm a poet, and I didn't know it, Ha!"

— After getting an Automatic or Shotgun out of the Mystery Box

"Ich bin... FUCKING ANGRY!"

— After getting Molotov Cocktail

"Maybe you move it because... you like me?"

— After getting the Teddy Bear in the Mystery Box

"Let Richtofen's carnival of horrors begin!"

— After getting the Monkey Bomb

"Ooh, a cute little monkey bomb for the doctor"

— After getting the Monkey Bomb

"Play the cymbals of death, my little monkey friend."

— After getting the Monkey Bomb.

"I am useless!"

— After being low on/having no ammunition

"I need bullets to further my work!"

— After being low on/having no ammunition

"AMMO FOR THE DOCTOR!""

— After being low on/out of ammo

"No ammo...? NOOOOOO!"

— After being low on/having no ammunition

"There is... NOTHING left!"

— After being low on/having no ammunition

"Without bullets there can be no bullet wounds!"

— After being low on/having no ammunition

"Aaaah, this will help me add to my collection... OF APPENDAGES!"

— After purchasing Bowie Knife

"Under what reich is that fair?"

— After getting a Teddy Bear

"You could not put that simian in more trusted hands!"

— After receiving the Monkey Bomb

"Wunderbar! Wunderwaffe, WUNDERBAR!"

— When receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"Scheiße, mein veapon, Scheiße!"

— When Richtofen runs out of ammo.

"Come my undead friends to the monkey carnival of horror... I made that up."

— When about to throw the monkey bomb.

 ** _Power-ups_**

"With a single strike, you DIE!"

— After getting Insta-Kill.

"This must work with telekinesis."

— After getting Carpenter.

"No shortage on this front! Hahaha!"

— After getting the Max Ammo power-up

"Go to work, my minions!"

— After getting Carpenter.

"A hammer to bash their brains! Oh, the windows, right."

— Obtaining Carpenter.

"Do not guard the windows my friends. The doctor has it covered!"

— Obtaining Carpenter.

 ** _Perk-a-cola, Pack-a-Punch, and Teleporter_**

"Ahh, I love it. STAY AWAY THIS IS MINE!"

— After using the Pack-a-Punch Machine

"Attach part A to grommet B... Oh screw it, just press buttons!"

— After approaching a deactivated Teleporter

"Ah, good, it is still here! Err, I mean... ooh, what could this be?"

— After approaching a deactivated Teleporter

"Step one, activate teleporter. Step two, link it to the mainframe. Step three...matter transfer!"

— After activating a Teleporter

"We're going to need more body bags."

— After receiving a Pack-A-Punched weapon

"If I remember correctly, we must now activate the central mainframe. I mean... ooh, this is so confusing!"

— After activating a Teleporter

"If only Maxis were here to see this."

— After activating a Teleporter

"Max Ammo Machine?! What a wonderful idea!"

— After buying the Amm-O-Matic, an unseen Perk Machine programmed into Der Riese.

"Does anyone need any balls that need polishing? Calm down, Nikolai."

— After approaching the Pack-A-Punch Machine

 _ **Interactive**_

"What's that Nikolai? You're scared and wish to run? OK!"

— To Nikolai

"Fascinating creatures, don't you think, Nikolai?"

— After Nikolai Belinski comments on the zombies

"Once again, Nikolai leads from the front."

— After Nikolai Belinski gets a kill

"Dempsey, I am not your babysitter."

— After Tank Dempsey gets downed

"Dempsey, when this is all over, I'm going to donate you to medical science."

— After Tank Dempsey says something

"Look! The missing link! And he's holding a monkey!"

— After witnessing Tank Dempsey getting the Monkey Bomb

"Aw nein. It seems sexy. Whatever."

— Richtofen

"Dempsey, I hate you with every cell of my body!"

— After Dempsey comments on himself

"You are head and shoulders above them Nikolai!"

— Richtofen to Nikolai.

""Dempsey, I hate you. I hate your ugly voice.""

— Edward Richtofen after Dempsey comments on himself.

"Patience my red friend, they will all perish under our might."

— To Nikolai

"Kick him over to me if you need help Russian!"

— To Nikolai

"For someone so drunk, you aim so well."

— To Nikolai

"Nikolai, you are like drunken sniper!"

— To Nikolai

"Nikolai would you like me to cram it down Dempsey's throat? I will if you like."

— To Nikolai

"I think a bear would have been more suited to you Russian."

— To Nikolai

"The Russian and the German, what a team!"

— To Nikolai

"I nominate Dempsey as crawler bait, any objections?"

— Edward Richtofen

"I am not afraid, but I could use some help"

— When being swarmed

"I am not afraid, but THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!"

— When being swarmed

 ** _Other_**

"There is probably one big switch somewhere that powers EVERYTHING. We Germans are very efficient."

— At the beginning of the game.

"Fluffy? Is that you?"

— At beginning of a Hellhound round.

"I require more money!"

— After trying to buy something without enough money.

"I think this is called the Mainframe. It must need power."

— Starting a match.

"Power power power power! It's allways the first priority!"

— Starting a match.

"Get off my boots!"

— Killing a crawler

"Leave some for me!"

— After seeing zombies killed.

"You know I really think this whole war thing could have been worked out over a nice little schnapps."

— Edward Richtofen

"Heeheeheee they cannot run from me now!"

— Getting a weapon

"Dunker, so good."

— Unknown

"Look at the red spray!"

— After killing multiple zombies in quick succession

"I am AROUSED!"

— Unknown

 ** _Monkey Bomb_**

"Bye, bye, Zombies!"

— Before exploding

"Let's be friends!"

— While being primed

"Get ready for a surprise!"

— Before exploding

"Is this the end?"

— Before exploding

"Let's play again!"

— Before exploding

"I'm coming Sam!"

— Before exploding

"You're not Sam..."

— While being primed

"Hello friend."

— While being primed

"Ow! Ooh! Ow!"

— After being thrown in the furnace

"You look friendly."

— While being primed

"I'm faulty."

— While being primed

"I'll miss you."

— Before exploding

"I hope we meet again!"

— Before exploding

"I love you."

— While being primed

"Hi! I'm Monkey. Wanna play?"

— While being primed. A reference to Chucky from Child's Play.

"I don't want to leave."

— Before exploding

"Here I come Sam!"

— Before Exploding, similar to the above quote, "I'm coming Sam!"

"I just crapped my pants!"

— Before Exploding

"Hello!"

— When Activating

"I'm Mr. Monkey"

— While being primed

 ** _Samantha Maxis_**

"Ka-Boom!"

— After getting nuke power-up.

"Max Ammo!"

— After getting the Max Ammo power-up

"Insta-Kill!"

— After getting Insta-Kill

"Double Points."

— After getting Double Points

"Carpenter!"

— After getting the Carpenter power-up

"Bye Bye!"

— After getting Teddy Bear from the Mystery box

"FETCH ME THEIR SOULS!"

— When hellhounds appear

"[Demonic Laughter]"

— When the Teddy Bear appears

"Having FUN!?"

— When Hellhounds spawn at the mainframe without any power ups.

"Uh Oh"

— When both hellhounds and power-ups spawn after teleporting.

"Uh-oh...NO TREATS FOR YOU!"

— When hellhounds spawn after teleporting, without any power-ups

"I want to play a game...let's play Hide & Seek!"

— After activating the Fly Trap

"Yay, you found one..."

— After finding the first item of the Fly Trap

"Wow, you found another one!"

— After finding the another item of the Fly Trap

"You win... GAME OVER!"

— After finding all the items of the Fly Trap

"Why are you so cruel to Mr. Monkey? Mr. Monkey just wanted to PLAY!."

— After completing the Monkey Bomb in the furnace Easter Egg

 ** _Der Riese Announcer_**

"Power level's critical...(fading away)shutting down the teleporters."

— Start of the game

"Teleport successful."

— After teleporting or linking a pad to mainframe

"Electric defense active."

— After using an Electro-Shock Defense

"Diverting power to bridge."

— After activating the Electro-Shock Defense at the bridge.

"You have 25 seconds to link to the main frame."

— After activating a teleporter

"20."

— Countdown after activating a teleporter

"15."

— Countdown after activating a teleporter

"10"

— Countdown after activating a teleporter

"9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1,"

— countdown after activating a teleporter

"Power re-established, re-link the Teleporters"

— After the power is activated


	4. Kino Der Toten

_Tank_ ** _Dempsey_**

 ** _Beginning_**

"No power, no glory."

— At the beginning.

"Aw, are you freakin' kidding me? No power!"

— At the beginning.

"Well well well. Look's like there ain't no power."

— At the beginning.

"Gonna have to get the power on, it's like déjà vu all over again."

— At the beginning.

"Yep, *sigh* just as I suspected. We need to get the power on."

— At the beginning.

"No power. How original."

— Beginning a match

 ** _Killing a Zombie_**

"Get back, you reekass nasty squag!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Back off, meatmouth!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"You smell like a pool of shit, freakbag!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Too close, brain-maggot!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Move it! This ain't cuddle time!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"You get any closer, I'll gonna have to introduce you to my mother!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Thank you! Drive-thru!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Look at that mess I made...Oorah."

— After killing lots of zombies in a row.

"I gotta give ya credit zombie, you got no quit in ya!"

— Upon getting a kill.

"Die! Again! Bonebag!"

— Upon killing a legless/footless zombie.

"You're buried for good now!"

— Upon killing a legless/footless zombie.

"Stay dead, cheesehead!"

— Upon killing a legless/footless zombie.

"Finally put down where you belong!"

— Upon killing a legless/footless zombie.

"Uh-uh! Not a chance, stumpy!"

— Upon killing a legless/footless zombie.

"Motherless flesh-addict!"

— After a knife kill.

"I'm gonna do a jig in your insides, freakbag!"

— After a knife kill.

"Eat my blade, maggot-sack!"

— After a knife kill.

"Taste this, bone-junkie!"

— After a knife kill.

"RARGH!"

— After a knife kill.

"Die, DIE!"

— After a knife kill.

"Blew 'em to high hell!"

— After an explosive kill.

"AWESOME!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Not a chance, bonemaggots!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Hey, freak-bag! You need to learn when to die!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Gotta give him credit, he's not about to quit!"

— After an explosive kill.

"I guess they need to get blown up again!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Stupid undead flesh monkeys! You're dead already!"

— After an explosive kill.

"There's just somethin' so beautiful about blowin' shit up!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Blood-sucking gutter-slugs, are goin' out Dempsey-style!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Oo-fuckin'-rah!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Whoo-hoo! Haven't lost a touch!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Cracked him right in the dome!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"I should get twice the points for that shot!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Of course I skulled it! What else would I do?!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Slug to the skull! Nice."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Hope you can appreciate a perfect shot!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"No head. No dinner. Awesome."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Squish! Ha!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Pop! Right in the head!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Can't eat meat without a mouth!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Argh! Fuck me that smells!"

— After killing a Nova Crawler.

"Hey, zombies! What time you got there? Oh ho ho, sorry."

— Upon shooting a zombie's limb.

"Can't swing without that arm, pus-brain!"

— Upon shooting a zombie's limb.

"Wow! Blew that clean off. Hehe."

— Upon shooting a zombie's limb.

"They don't hold together so well, do they? (Laughs)"

— Upon shooting a zombie's limb.

"I HATE these stumpy skin-jerking flesh-junkies!"

— Upon making a crawler.

"Oh, what was that noise?"

— When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Uh-oh. Sounds like we got some new friends coming to the party!"

— When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Ah, great! Now what!?"

— When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Shit! Gutter-slugs!"

— When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Creepy little slime-balls raining from the sky. Great."

— When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Richtofen! Lay off the sauerkraut, man!"

— After killing a Nova Crawler.

"How do ya like that, creepy crawler!"

— After killing a Nova Crawler.

"Argh! Those things need to see the sunshine every once in a while!"

— After killing a Nova Crawler.

"He just... he just blew all over the place! *laughs* Wow!"

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"I think I'll just send that thing back to 1946!"

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"Okay, woah! That was bad-ass!"

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"Eat that, ya blood-drinkin' marro-monkeys!"

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"Woo! What a blast!"

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"*in advertising voice* Killing zombies in one simple step! Batteries not included."

— When getting multiple kills with the Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"Killing zombies since 1945! Ooh-Ra!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Die you undead flesh-whores!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Hey zombies, you're dying over here!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"More dead here than a goth party!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"You keep coming, I'll keep killing!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Just look at'em all die! Steeerike!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"WOOHOO!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Oh yeah! Feel it, meat-sacks!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Sure, leave it up to me to kill'em all!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Kickin' ass and gettin' paid! Two of my favourite things."

— Upon multiple kills.

"If I keep this up, I'm running out of zombies."

— Upon multiple kills.

"Time to do the death dance, baby!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Meet Tank Dempsey! Your worst nightmare!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"You're done-sky, freak-sack!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"Woah! That shit is far out, man. (Laughs)"

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"You got lit up!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"Here today, uh, gone today, too. (Laughs)"

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"Nope! No coming back from that."

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"Oh yeah, That little dude is badass!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"Get'em, monkey bones!."

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"That just never gets old."

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"Oh-Raaah!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"Always amazed of how cool this little guy is."

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

Being hit by a ZombieEdit

"Eat it, ya nasty squag!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"Die, you undead flesh-addict!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"K to the I to the A, Zombitch!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him, reference to status K.I.A (Killed in Action)

"You had no chance, bonemonkey!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him

"Look out, freakbag! I bite back!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him

"Get off of me!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

"L'eggo of my boots, stumpy!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

"Aw! You're gettin' pus all over my pants!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

"You wanna lick my boots, freakbag?!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

"Knee-biting maggot!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

"Hand it with the humpy, stumpy!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

 ** _Hellhound_**

"Ah great... this again!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"Bring on the dogs!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"I ain't gonna be any puppy's chew toy!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"Time to put you down puppy-dog!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"Fetch my grenade, devil voice!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"Fuck you, Fido!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Down, boy!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"That's the last leg you'll ever hump!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Damn! That was hot!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Bad doggie!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Woah! It just blew up!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

 ** _Downed or revived_**

"Fucker caught me napping!"

— When downed. He also says this quote in Der Riese.

"Man down, MAN DOWN!"

— When downed.

"My gun was jammed, else that wouldn't have happened."

— Said when being revived.

"Ahh shit, this is embarrassing!"

— When downed. He also says this quote in Der Riese.

"Someone wanna help me out here?"

— When downed.

"I hope you choke, meat-sack!"

— When downed. He also says this quote in Der Riese

"Lucky bone-sucking maggot-whores... they're really gonna pay now!"

— After being revived.

"Whatever... even a blind squirrel is right twice a day."

— After being revived.

"So they got a little lucky... WHAT?!"

— After being revived.

"Don't worry, just tripped."

— After being revived.

"Wait, I'm not turning yet, am I?"

— After being revived.

 _ **Ammo**_

"Feeling light. Need the juice."

— When low ammo.

"Gonna need some juice soon!"

— When low ammo.

"Gotta get some more rounds."

— When low ammo.

"Need some more ammo."

— When out of ammo.

"Knee deep in zombie shit with no ammo! Glorious!"

— When out of ammo.

"Hey! Player! I need more ammo or we're going down!"

— When out of ammo.

"Hey! Player! Drop the chips and get me some ammo!"

— When out of ammo.

"I need to find some lead or I'm gonna get bored here!"

— When out of ammo.

"Damn! I'm outta juice!"

— When out of ammo.

"Gonna have to round up some rounds!"

— When low on ammo or out of ammo.

"I need more ammunition! Ahh! Ahh!"

— When low on ammo or out of ammo.

Buying weapons off the wallEdit

"The only thing better than an M16 is... well, two M16s!"

— After buying a M16 off the wall.

"Ah, the M16. 5.56 millimeter magazine-fed gas-operated sweetness... just like me."

— After buying a M16 off the wall.

"M16! Oh, it'll be a classic one day."

— After buying a M16 off the wall.

"The M16 *kiss*! One of my favourite deadly weapons."

— After buying a M16 off the wall.

"M-1-6. LOVE IT OR EAT IT!"

— After buying a M16 off the wall.

"Oh-rah! Tank's best friend."

— After buying a M16 off the wall.

"Wonder if they'll even know what hit them. Ha ha!"

— After buying a M14 off the wall.

"Little gun, lots of holes!"

— Buying a SMG off the wall

"I'm gonna spill their guts all over the place, haha!"

— After buying an Olympia off the wall.

"Hell yes!"

— After buying a Stakeout off the wall.

"Nothing like a SMG! haha."

— After buying an AK-74u off the wall.

"Rapid-fire sweetness!"

— After buying a MPL off the wall.

"Hey zombie! Wanna try out my new gun?"

— Buying an SMG off the wall

"Time to meet the butcher, meat-bags!"

— Buying a Bowie Knife.

"I'm gonna CUT'EM UP!"

— Buying a Bowie Knife.

"Oh sweet! Bowie Knife!"

— Buying a Bowie Knife.

"It's time to get up and personal."

— Buying a Bowie Knife.

"Time to carve the turkey."

— Buying a Bowie Knife.

 ** _Power-up_**

"Whoo! More shit to kill with!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"RE-JUICED!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Ammunition on the house!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Wait, we ARE keeping score?"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up. A possible reference to a quote made in Der Riese.

"Shoot 'em up!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"Sweet!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"That'll keep'em out for a few."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up

"Lock'em out."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Our asses are covered...for a moment anyway."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Aww, looks I'll have to wait till they break through again."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"(Laughs) Sorry, meat-bags. You're stuck outside."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"NUUUKE!"

— Upon getting a Nuke.

"KA-BOOOOM!"

— Upon getting a Nuke.

"BOOM FUCKING RAH, maggot-addicts!"

— Said upon getting a nuke.

"Eat that ya undead flesh monkeys!"

— Upon getting a Nuke.

"Man up Zombies, it's time to die."

— Upon getting Insta-Kill.

"Now, that's what I'm talkin' about!"

— Upon getting Insta-Kill.

"Ooh yeah, devil man!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale.

"Fire Sale! Oh, yeah!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale.

"Discounted killin'!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale.

"Clean up on Isle 5!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale.

"Fill your carts with discount parts!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale.

"Attention freakbags, everything must go!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale.

 _Perk-a-Cola_

"Tastes like... fermented herring dipped in cat piss... blaugh."

— Upon drinking Quick Revive.

"Yeah, that hit the spot."

— Upon drinking Speed Cola.

"Reach for me, Jugger Girl. Oo-rah."

— Upon drinking Juggernog.

"Ugh, why is this stuff so damn chewy?"

— Upon drinking Double Tap Root Beer.

 _ **Pack-a-Punch**_

"Wonder if Richtofen has gears like those in his head."

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"Man... I wish we could replace Richtofen with a hot chick, I'm getting lonely here."

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine. A possible reference to Richtofen's Grand Scheme.

"Yeah, Pack a punch, just like me."

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"C'mon Pack-a-Punch, you better hurry up!"

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine. A reference to how players have a limited time to pack-a-punch and grab their gun before they teleport again.

"(Grunts)"

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"Hell yeah, Dempsey gets an upgrade!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Bring it on, freak-sacks!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"It's about time!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Those undead flesh-sacks are gonna get CREAMED!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"They're about to get busted up real quick!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"A fire-breathing shotgun? Tears me up just thinking about it!"

— After getting Hades from the Pack-a-Punch Machine

"A shotgun that breathes fire? Oh, you gotta be fuckin' killin' me!"

— After getting Hades from the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"A fire-breathing shotgun!? BADASS!"

— After getting Hades from the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"This has got to be the coolest thing I've even seen!"

— After getting Hades from the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"As if I were badass enough already!"

— After getting Hades from the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"So, let me get this straight. First, it blows a hole in their guts, then it burns the hell out of'em? Genius!"

— After getting Hades from the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"(Laughs) Yeah, and I didn't think this couldn't get any more fun!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

 _ **Mystery Box**_

"Time to die, bone-jaw!"

— After getting a Commando from Mystery Box.

"Little gun, lots of holes."

— After getting a Spectre from Mystery Box.

"This is gonna turn'em into red mist!"

— After getting a Spectre, SMG or possibly the Ray Gun from the Mystery Box.

"No more nice guy bone-jaw, I'm gonna kick your ass."

— After getting a SPAS-12 from Mystery Box.

"Time to make some noise!"

— After getting a HS-10 from Mystery Box.

"Oh ho, now this oughta be a good time."

— After getting a China Lake from Mystery Box.

"It's blow'em up buffet! And I'm packin' a main course!"

— After getting a Crossbow from Mystery Box.

"Hey, zombies! I have a little present for ya!"

— After getting a M72 LAW from Mystery Box.

"That's the ticket!"

— After getting a RPK from Mystery Box.

"I'm gonna open up on'em now!"

— After getting a HK21 from Mystery Box.

"This is good for taking names!"

— After getting a FAMAS from Mystery Box.

"It's slaughter time!"

— After getting a AUG from Mystery Box.

"I hope they're ready to get a gut full of slugs!"

— After getting a Galil from Mystery Box.

"You ready to party, gutter-slugs!?"

— After getting a G11 from Mystery Box.

"Can't wait to see what I can do with this! Oh-Rah!"

— After getting a Commando from Mystery Box.

"Rapid-fire lead-slinger! That's what I'm about!"

— After getting a RPK from Mystery Box.

"Well, I see the future hasn't changed anything! Fucking box!"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"That's just craptastic!"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"At least this thing doesn't cost real money!"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"*Laughs* Almost nothin'!"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Good thing I've always got my FISTS!"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"If luck were a zombie, I'd kick his ass!"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"I've got two guns!? AWESOME!"

— After getting a duel CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Oh yeah. Double the pain, freak-bags!"

— After getting a duel CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Two guns! I must be in heaven."

— After getting a duel CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Things just keep on gettin' better!"

— After getting a duel CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"(Sarcastic) Oh man, are you kiddin' me!? Two guns just ain't fair!"

— After getting a duel CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Monkey! So glad to see you again, buddy!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"Aww, what a cute little bundle of C4!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"Monkey! It's just about party time for you!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"Walkin' talkin' bundle ass kickin'! Why is that so familiar to me?"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"Those slimy flesh-bags are in for a wild time!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"*chuckles* Hey, Box! Fuck you!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"You keep on laughin', little girl! When I find you! You're grounded!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Man! Why does it always do that to me!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Ah, I didn't want a new gun anyway!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Oh, of course! I get the damn teddy bear!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Can't roll the bet if I can't place the dice!"

— When trying to use the Mystery Box without enough points.

"Check out those cool lights and buttons...Hehe."

— After receiving the Thundergun.

"Oh yeah! BOOM!"

— After receiving the Thundergun.

"I'm gonna rock'em like Thor!"

— After receiving the Thundergun.

"I'm gonna flatin' the world with this! Oh-rah!"

— After receiving the Thundergun.

"Yup, this oughta bring the pain."

— After receiving the Thundergun.

"Oh, they are gonna dig this!"

— After Receiving the Ray Gun.

"(In a taunting voice) I got the Ray Gun! (Normal) Awesome!"

— After Receiving the Ray Gun.

"Alright Ray, it's you and me against the world."

— After receiving the Ray Gun.

"I love me the Ray Gun!"

— After Receiving the Ray Gun.

"I'm gonna make'em squirm!"

— After Receiving the Ray Gun.

"Sweet! Ray Gun!"

— After Receiving the Ray Gun.

 **Interactive**

"Nice shot, Takeo!"

— When Takeo gets a headshot.

"Beautiful!"

— When Takeo gets a headshot.

"Perfect! As I would expect from a soldier like you!"

— When Takeo gets a headshot.

"Keep it up, Takeo! You're gonna be USMC honored!"

— When Takeo gets a headshot.

"Do it again, Tak!"

— When Takeo gets a headshot.

"Oh, you turned it's head inside out! OORAH!"

— When Takeo gets a headshot.

"We're coming, Takeo!"

— When Takeo is swarmed.

"Hang in, Tak! On the way!"

— When Takeo is swarmed.

"Covering fire on its way for ya, Tak!"

— When Takeo is swarmed.

"We gotta go help out Takeo!"

— When Takeo is swarmed.

"Takeo's in trouble! Gotta help him!"

— When Takeo is swarmed.

"Nice work, Takeo! But, you missed some."

— When Takeo makes a crawler.

"We have a knee-biter comin' in!"

— When Takeo makes a crawler.

"Watch out for the crawler!"

— When Takeo makes a crawler.

"You see what you did there, Takeo!"

— When Takeo makes a crawler.

"Hey! Takeo! Some of it's still alive!"

— When Takeo makes a crawler.

"Wind 'em up and let 'em loose, Takeo!"

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Unleash the little guy, Takeo!"

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Use the monkey, Takeo! I like its little song!"

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Blow em' to hell, Takeo!"

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Hey Takeo! Wind it up and see if Richtofen will chase it down!"

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Lucky shot!"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot.

"Hehe, you must've been aiming at the other one."

— When Richtofen gets a headshot.

"Accidental discharge, Richtofen?"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot.

"Glad your luck hasn't run out, Richtofen."

— When Richtofen gets a headshot.

"I've made that shot before without a gun."

— When Richtofen gets a headshot.

"Richtofen's all surrounded! Let's leave him to his friends!"

— When Richtofen is swarmed.

"Hey, Richtofen! Stop dating and start shooting!"

— When Richtofen is swarmed.

"Yo, Richtofen. You find your MOTHER!?"

— When Richtofen is swarmed.

"Looks like you've got some fans there, Richtofen!"

— When Richtofen is swarmed.

"Richtofen's got zombies all over him! Must be that evil scent he puts out."

— When Richtofen is swarmed.

"Seriously, Richtofen, you gotta at least TRY to kill the thing!"

— When Richtofen makes a crawler.

"Thanks a ton, Doc. You just made a crawler!"

— When Richtofen makes a crawler.

"We got a stumpy comin' in, thanks to the Doctor!"

— When Richtofen makes a crawler.

"Not a lot of good can happen when the Doc is shootin'."

— When Richtofen makes a crawler.

"Stop playing, Richtofen! Kill it already!"

— When Richtofen makes a crawler.

"Quit trying to torture the zombies, Richtofen! You've done enough already!"

— When Richtofen makes a crawler.

"Ah, poor little monkey. All alone in Richtofen's hands."

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Look like Richtofen has multiplied!"

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb.

"I don't know what's worse. Richtofen with a gun or with the stuffed monkey."

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Hey, Richtofen. Wind it up and hold it for a while. I wanna see what happens!"

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Richtofen, stop playing with your monkey, man!"

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb.

 _ **Other**_

"Haha, and you thought I wouldn't find it."

— Upon entering the bathroom at first floor.

"No time for sugar, baby. I'm here to check the meter!"

— Upon entering the dressing room.

"Hey, check it out! I'm outside!"

— Upon gaining access to the alley.

"Alright, I always did want a spot on the big screen."

— After the power is turned on and then, entering the theater.

"Another easter egg. Ha! How do they do it."

— Upon entering the foyer.

"They're everywhere! Awesome."

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Time to die! Uh, you guys. Not me!"

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Hey, did Richtofen send you all!?"

— When swarmed by zombies.

"They're all around me! That's believe in the odds."

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Never saw a zombie swarm I didn't like."

— When swarmed by zombies.

"You corner at Dempsey, you'll get dead real quick."

— When swarmed by zombies.

"It's gonna take everyone of you to take me down!"

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Woo! Bring it on!"

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Die, you blood-sucking slack-jawed maggot-bags!"

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Aw, come on! Where's my backup!?"

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Ahh, just what I like! Multiple targets!"

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Lob the lead, freak-bags! You're all gonna die today!"

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Hey, I found all the zombies!"

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Let's see, a thousand zombies, one Dempsey. Yeah, that's probably fair."

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Is it just me or am I alone here? Hehe."

— When swarmed by zombies.

"Why is it always up to me!?"

— When swarmed by zombies.

 _ **Meteorite Quotes**_

"Looks like part of a meteor."

— After having the first piece of the meteor.

"Here's another one!"

— After found the second piece of the meteor.

"This has gotta be the last piece."

— After finding the last piece of the meteor.

"I found the hidden song. Awesome!"

— Upon activating the "115" song easter egg.

 ** _Portrait Quotes_**

"Ahh, a tale of two Dempseys. Starts slow, but, has a happy ending."

— After examining his portrait.

"Whoa, looks like Nikolai's put on a few pounds. What's he been eatin'?"

— After examining Nikolai's portrait.

"Awwwww, our little bundle of badass."

— After examining Takeo's portrait.

"His portrait's bigger than anyone elses. Must be trying to compensate for somethin'."

— Upon examining Richtofen's portrait.

"Hey, look! It's nobody!"

— After examining the blacked-out portrait.

 _ **Cut Quotes**_

"The Waffle! Killing zombies made easy in one single step. Batteries included."

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box. (Said in a very fast, commercial-sounding voice.)

"Hell yes! Bring it, you nasty squags!"

Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"Element 115. Concentrated to a single beam of pure badassery...wait...how the hell do I know that?"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box. Note reference to the brainwashing effect caused by Element 115 on Takeo, Nikolai, and Dempsey.

"The DG-2... one slick piece of machinery."

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"Wonder Waffle...yeah. Thing 'o beauty."

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"Hey zombies! You like Waffles?"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"Welcome to the party meatsacks!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"They got ZERO chance against me and the Wonder Waffle!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"You see that? HOLY SHIT BALLS!"

— Killing zombie/s with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"Time to fry freakmaggots!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"BZZZ! ZAP! Woohoo!"

— Killing zombie/s with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"Time to cook up some stench stakes! Haha!"

Receiving a M2 Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"Gotta light the grill!"

Receiving a M2 Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"They're gotta get lit like Nikolai!"

Receiving a M2 Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"I'm gonna burn'em to the ground."

Receiving a M2 Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"I'm gonna make me some ashes!"

Receiving a M2 Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"Mmm, bacon! (Laughs)"

Receiving a M2 Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"BURN!"

— Killing zombie/s with the M2 Flamethrower

"That smells a little like popcorn."

— Killing zombie/s with the flamethrower

"Woo! You want fries with that?!"

— Killing zombie/s with the flamethrower

"Mmm. That's some well done meat right there."

— Killing zombie/s with the flamethrower

"Burn in hell, you skull sucking maggot!"

— Killing zombie/s with the flamethrower

 _ **Nikolai Belinski**_

 ** _Beginning_**

"Maybe someone should go turn on the power now."

— At the beginning.

"No power! Just like home."

— At the beginning.

"I think we need to do something about the power."

— At the beginning.

"Who didn't pay the electric bill?"

— At the beginning.

"We should go find the fuse box."

— At the beginning.

 _ **Killing a Zombie**_

"Out of my way piz-da!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Move it! Coming through!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"You got puss on my new shirt!..I have to dry clean now!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"You capitalist pigdogs!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"It tried to take my vodka!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Die by the hand of Nikolai! Hey, dat rhyme, heh..."

— Upon getting a kill when "Insta-Kill" is on.

"Die now, son of bitch!"

— Upon getting a kill when Insta-Kill is on.

"Do svidaniya, bitches!"

— Upon getting a kill when Insta-Kill is on. ("Do svidaniya" meaning "goodbye" in Russian.)

"Euuuaaaaghhhhhh!"

— Upon getting a kill when Insta-Kill is on.

"I'll drink to your death"

— Upon getting a kill when Insta-Kill is on.

"Now that's what I call a goulash!"

— Killing multiple zombies with an explosive weapon

"You fall like coddled bourgeois."

— When getting multiple kills

"I made a very big mess."

— When getting multiple kills

"No it's MY VODKA! MINE! MY OWN!"

— When getting multiple kills

"Death to you, demon-spawn!"

— When getting multiple kills

"I just killed a billion zombies! Why is no one helping?!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Good hellspawns! Die!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Like wheat before scythe."

— Upon multiple kills.

"Nikolai cannot die. Hey, that rhymes!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Hey guys, look what I did."

— Upon multiple kills.

"The Red Army cannot be overrun!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Ha! You cannot even beat a drunk Soviet!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"NEVER mess with a Soviet!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"No! No vodka for you!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"If that's all you got. Maybe, I'm not drinking enough."

— Upon multiple kills.

"STAY AWAY FROM MY VODKA! What? It's a classic!"

— After an explosive kill.

"This fucking gun is amazing!"

— Getting a kill with the Ray Gun

"That was satisfying."

— Getting a kill with the Ray Gun

"I've got more for you."

— Getting a kill with the Ray Gun

"No chance for you, hellpig!"

— Getting a kill with the Ray Gun

"No more drinks for you! You've been cut off. heh."

— Getting a kill with the Ray Gun

"They were here, now they're not. Such is life in the...ah, fuck it."

— After an explosive kill.

"Explosives make things so much easier."

— After an explosive kill.

"BOOM! You are dead!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Have a round on me! Get it? Because... never mind, fuck you."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"I can barely see, but that sounded like it hit his head!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Right between the glaza (eyes)!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Either I'm good or I'm drunk. I hit two zombies with one bullet!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Your misery has ended, comrade."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Die AGAIN, hellpig!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Never mess with a Russian when drinks are on the line!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Somehow, I have good aim!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Poor Russian lost his head."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"My aim is straight. My vision is blurry."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Don't slip in the slime!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"What's that smell? Maybe I sharted."

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"DIE slime thing, DIE! DIE!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"You got slime on my uniform!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"*sniffs* Ugh, that smells disgusting, like my fourth wife... She pretty though.. pretty and smelly, weird combo."

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"Like the fist of Stalin... up your ass."

— Upon getting a kill with the Thundergun.

"Crushed under the might of the Red Army!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Thundergun.

"How do you like that, demons!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Thundergun.

"DIE, you filthy dogs!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Thundergun.

"Oh..They're splattered all over the place now."

— Upon getting a kill with the Thundergun.

"Nikolai cannot die! Hey, that rhymes!"

— After a knife kill.

"Die, demon hell-pigs!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"You left your arm behind!"

— After destroying a zombie's limb.

"He's half the zombie he used to be."

— After destroying a zombie's limb.

"Limbless creature, I still have no pity."

— After destroying a zombie's limb.

"He can't sip from his bottle anymore."

— After destroying a zombie's limb.

"I will put you out of your misery now."

— After destroying a zombie's limb.

"From Russia with great affection!"

— After killing a zombie, a reference to the movie From Russia with Love.

"Oh sure, you grovel, but you still cannot have any vodka!"

— Upon spawning a legless/footless zombie.

"Looks like I didn't get all of him."

— Upon spawning a legless/footless zombie.

"He is persistent, like begging peasant!"

— Upon spawning a legless/footless zombie.

"Hey! Look what you're doing to the floor!"

— Upon spawning a legless/footless zombie.

"He's crawling back to me, just like good woman. Heh."

— Upon spawning a legless/footless zombie.

"It pains me to kill you again, comrade."

— Upon getting a kill on a legless/footless zombie.

"That one isn't a problem anymore."

— Upon getting a kill on a legless/footless zombie.

"If only I had time to piss on you too."

— Upon getting a kill on a legless/footless zombie.

"Die, you filthy creature!"

— Upon getting a kill on a legless/footless zombie.

"Stand up and say that to my face!"

— Upon getting a kill on a legless/footless zombie.

"Screw all of you!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb.

"I think the zombies hate you monkey!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb.

"I can't believe that works."

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb.

"I knew that monkey was good for something."

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb.

"Good! That song was driving me nuts."

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb. A reference to a similar quote in Der Riese.

Being hit by a ZombieEdit

"OW! My shins!"

— When getting attacked by a crawler.

"What was that? Oh, crawler!"

— When getting attacked by a crawler.

"Stay off my boots, hellpig!"

— When getting attacked by a crawler.

"Stop scratching me!"

— When getting attacked by a crawler.

"Get off of me, swine."

— When getting attacked by a crawler.

"Die, Satan's minions!"

— When getting attacked by a zombie.

"I like it rough, but not that rough!"

— When getting attacked by a zombie.

"You know how to say "owned" in Russian? OWNT!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"No it's my vodka! MINE! MINE OWN!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"No touchie! ...I have issue."

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"You are dead now! But you were dead before! Ah, fuck you!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"You see what happens when you touch Nikolai?!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

 _ **Hellhound**_

"Let's play "Fetch the Grenade", demon spawn!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"Come cyka, I have vodka for you."

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"They are trying to fetch our souls again!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"You don't want my soul, it probably tastes like vodka. Mmm... vodka."

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"I think there are dogs coming now."

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"Die, helldog!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Woof. Woof. Die, demon-spawn!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Down, cyka!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound. (cyka Translates to Bitch in russian)

"No soul for you!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"*spits* Ugh...it got fur in my mouth"

— Killing a Hellhound

Down or revivedEdit

"I have made mess in trousers..."

— When downed.

"Maybe I have time for drink."

— When downed. A reference to a similar quote in Der Riese.

"Do not leave me to the maggots!"

— When downed. A reference to a similar quote in Der Riese.

"Oh, I feel stupid..."

— When downed. A reference to a similar quote in Der Riese.

"Come back! Nikolai can still fight!"

— When downed. A reference to a similar quote in Der Riese.

"Wha-what? I was only taking a nap!"

— After being revived.

"You see what happened to me? There were thousands!"

— After being revived.

"All right, all right, I'll get up all ready, sheesh... *quietly* like mother."

— After being revived.

"What? Is breaktime over now?"

— After being revived.

"How do you say... "thank you" in Idiot?"

— After being revived.

 ** _Ammo_**

"Getting low on ammunition!"

— When low on ammo.

"Running low on ammo! I'm drunk..."

— When low ammo.

"Greedy capitalist dogs! Give me ammo!"

— When low of ammo

"Why am I always needing more ammo?"

— When low of ammo.

"If I don't find ammo, I will have to kill them with my breath!"

— When low of ammo.

"It's that clicking again! Oh, ammo!"

— When out of ammo.

"Hey, where is all the ammo at?"

— When out of ammo.

"I'm out of ammo! Maybe I should just drink instead... piss on someone..."

— When out of ammo.

"When did I run out of ammo?"

— When out of ammo.

"Why is no one caring about my lack of ammo?"

— When out of ammo.

 ** _Buying weapons off the wall_**

"Holding this up makes my arms so tired."

— After getting a sniper rifle or M14 from the Mystery Box.

"Hey... snipers may wear diapers, but we get all the ladies. eh? Hey hey."

— Upon buying an M14 off the wall.

"I can camp somewhere and not have to move so much. Good. I get tired."

— Upon buying an M14 off the wall.

"Alright, who wants to try and take me?"

— After buying any SMG off the wall.

"Eheheh. Come baby...we do the 59, eh? He he..."

— After buying any SMG from the wall.

"This is "nice and light"..."

— After buying any SMG off the wall.

"This will make demon-holes nicely!"

— After buying any SMG from the wall. (These SMG lines above are also said when getting a SMG from the Mystery Box.)

"A shotgun, now I just need a shot glass! He he!"

— After buying an Olympia off the wall.

"Please, I have no job!"

— When attempt to buy a weapon without requisite points.

"Such quality manufacturing. Must come from Motherland."

— When buying the Bowie Knife

"I will stab them in the back, like Stalin did me."

— When buying the Bowie Knife

"This weapon makes me happy."

— When buying the Bowie Knife

"I will cut them, like a filthy capitalist pig!"

— When buying the Bowie Knife

"What a sturdy piece of equipment!"

— When buying the Bowie Knife

 ** _Power-up_**

"Just what the doctor ordered."

— Upon receiving a Max Ammo power-up.

"Why am I so heavy now?"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"This is proper socialist reform!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"It is happy hour!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Vodka for everybody!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"Capitalism. If you can't beat them. Meh."

— Upon getting a Fire-Sale power-up

"If this were Russian, it would be free. Just big lines."

— Upon getting a Fire-Sale power-up

"Ugh, these lights are making me sick."

— Upon getting a Fire-Sale power-up

"What is happening? That music sucks. I need another drink."

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"A Fire-Sale. I hope they have vodka."

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"Salut!"

— Upon getting the Nuke power-up

"Nikolai is coming for you!"

— Upon getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"Taste communist aggression, filthy wormtrain!"

— Upon getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"I drink to the nuclear bomb!"

— Upon getting the Nuke power-up

"Die, demon hellpigs!"

— Upon getting a Nuke power-up.

"Oh good, I don't have to do anything."

— Upon getting the Carpenter power-up.

"That will keep em' out for a while."

— Upon getting the Carpenter power-up.

"Did you guys hear that voice?"

— Upon getting the Carpenter power-up.

"Stay out, helldogs!"

— Upon getting the Carpenter power-up.

"Thank you, disembodied girl voice."

— Upon getting the Carpenter power-up.

 ** _Perk-a-Cola_**

"I think Dempsey is right. It is a bit fishy."

— Upon drinking Quick Revive.

"Reach for vodka tooooniiiiggghhht..."

— Upon drinking Juggernog. (Said in song of "Jugger-Nog" tune.)

"Why can I see so clearly now?"

— Upon drinking Speed Cola.

"My tap is now doubled, but not my vodka!"

— When Double Tap Root Beer is bought.

 _ **Pack-a-Punch**_

"Uhh, this is like standing in grocery line!"

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"This better be good. It cost enough!"

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"Hurry hurry hurry hurry hurry! Come on!"

— Putting a gun in the Pack-A-Punch machine

"Waiting is good! I can have more drink!"

— Putting a gun in the Pack-A-Punch machine

"*snores* Eh, fuck you."

— Putting a gun in the Pack-A-Punch machine

"This Soviet is ready to fight now!"

— After receiving a H115 Oscillator.

"I will hold the demon-spawn at bay with this!"

— After receiving a H115 Oscillator.

"HK Goodness!"

— After receiving a H115 Oscillator.

"Die demon-spawn!"

— After receiving a H115 Oscillator.

"What I wouldn't give for two of these, heh."

— After receiving a H115 Oscillator.

"May you rest in pieces, zombies!"

— After receiving a H115 Oscillator.

"Don't worry guys! Nikolai is coming for you!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Oh, I like, it's pretty!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Such power, so smooth! And this upgraded weapon is nice too..."

— Upon receiving a Pack-A-Punched weapon.

"Heh, a weapon suitable for a Soviet."

— Upon receiving a Pack-A-Punched weapon.

"Da-BOOM!"

— Upon receiving a Pack-A-Punched weapon.

"Exactly what I need!"

— Upon receiving a Pack-A-Punched weapon.

"Oh I like! It's pretty!"

— Upon receiving a Pack-A-Punched weapon.

 _ **Mystery Box**_

"Got ninety-nine problems, but a gun ain't one, da!"

— After getting an Assault Rifle from Mystery Box. (Also said when buying an M16) and a reference to "99 Problems", a song by Jay-Z.

"Beats a hammer and sickle every time."

— After getting an Assault Rifle from Mystery Box. (Also said when buying an M16. Actually in all the lines below.)

"Ohhh, look it how shiny she is."

— After getting an Assault Rifle from Mystery Box.

"A toast to a brilliant weapon."

— After getting an Assault Rifle from Mystery Box.

"This should help me protect my vodka."

— After getting an Assault Rifle from Mystery Box.

"Hello zombies, I am coming for you!"

— After getting an Assault Rifle from Mystery Box.

"More bullets, more drinks. This is not so bad."

— After getting an Assault Rifle from Mystery Box.

"HA! THIS is the FN falafel! I like!"

After getting a FN FAL from Mystery Box.

"Magnificent!"

— After getting a FN FAL from Mystery Box.

"I love this FN gun! Get it? Cause it's a FN? like... fuck!"

— After getting a FN FAL from Mystery Box.

"I wish they had more vodka to go with falafel."

— After getting a FN FAL from Mystery Box.

"Aw! I got the FN FAIL! Heh Heh. Get it?"

— After getting the FN FAL from the Mystery Box

"This FN FAL is good weapon, no?"

— After getting a FN FAL from Mystery Box.

"I like this."

— After getting a FN FAL from Mystery Box.

"They stand no chance against this Soviet."

— After getting a shotgun from the Mystery Box (also said after buying an Olympia or a Stakeout in the lines below.)

"Time to die now, zombies!"

— After getting a shotgun from the Mystery Box

"Nikolai will show them the way back to hell now!"

— After getting a shotgun from the Mystery Box

"A weapon like this will end them in a hurry!"

— After getting a shotgun from the Mystery Box

"12 gauge fury!"

— After getting a shotgun from the Mystery Box

"Hello beautiful, I will 'cock' you gently."

— After getting a sniper rifle from Mystery Box. (Also said when buying an M14 off the wall.)

"Now, I can keep my pants from getting bloodier. Hehey."

— After getting a sniper rifle from Mystery Box.

"A sniper rifle makes for much cleaner killing."

— After getting a sniper rifle from Mystery Box.

"I never met an MG I didn't like"

— Upon getting an SMG from the Mystery Box. (Also said when buying an SMG from the Mystery Box.)

"Ugh, this is terrible weapon."

After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Why? Why do you treat me like this?"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Come box, share with me your treasures, not your junk!"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Ugh, Useless."

— After Getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box

"Ugh, I have better luck when I am drunk!"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box

"Look out, zombies! Now, I can hit more of you!"

After getting Dual CZ75s from the Mystery Box.

"Ah, two guns are better than one! And one is better than, uh... what?"

— After getting Dual CZ75s from the Mystery Box.

"I will be able to take them out gangsta' style now!"

— After getting Dual CZ75s from the Mystery Box.

"Either I'm drunk, or I'm holding two guns!"

— Said after getting Dual CZ75s from the Mystery Box.

"How am I supposed to hold my vodka if I have to carry both of these?"

— Said after getting Dual CZ75s from the Mystery Box.

"This makes Nikolai very happy, like after first date! ...I bring home flower!"

— After getting a China Lake, M72 LAW, or Crossbow from Mystery Box.

"I will make Stalin proud!"

— After getting a China Lake, M72 LAW, or Crossbow from Mystery Box.

"This looks like fun!"

— After getting a China Lake, M72 LAW, or Crossbow from Mystery Box.

"Must've drank so much, I went to the future! Heh."

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box.

"It's like finding extra vodka in your pocket."

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box.

"Such power... Such pride! It must be Russian made!"

— Upon receiving the Thundergun

"Hello Ray. Would you like to taste my vodka?"

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box.

"This must come from outer space, no?"

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box

"Oooo, It's the Ray Gun! Hehehehe."

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box

"First it takes my money, then it disappears... just like my fourth wife!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"This little girl and her games. It's a sign of bad parenting."

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Does anyone else hear that or is it just me?"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Either I'm drunk or that box is flying around?"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Why hasn't somebody tried nailing this down?!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Oh well, maybe I'll just sit here and nap."

— When trying to use Mystery Box without requisite points.

"Fuck you, monkey!"

— After receiving a Monkey Bomb.

"No, Monkey, you may not have any vodka."

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"Aiiiii...I think it's taunting me. I don't like monkey. Remind me of circus in Bagrationovsk."

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.("Bagrationovsk" is a city in Russia.)

"I don't like it's beady little eyes."

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"Why do play this annoying song, monkey?!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"This must be vodka-powered."

— After obtaining Thundergun from the Mystery Box.

"Well, this looks new."

— After obtaining Thundergun from the Mystery Box.

"Such pride, such power. Must be Russian made."

— After obtaining Thundergun from the Mystery Box.

"Does this come with a cupholder?"

— After obtaining Thundergun from the Mystery Box.

"I really like these gadgets."

— After obtaining Thundergun from the Mystery Box.

 ** _Interactive_**

"Oorah, Dempsey!"

— When Dempsey gets a headshot

"That was a shot deserving a toast."

— When Dempsey gets a headshot

"Good shooting, Tank. Next wife, I call you."

— When Dempsey gets a headshot

"Maybe,I give you a small taste of vodka someday. Someday."

— When Dempsey gets a headshot

"I admire your aim Tank, but not your sobriety."

— When Tank gets multiple headshots.

"Back, hellpigs!"

— When Dempsey is swarmed

"On my way, Dempsey, but you owe me some vodka in return!"

— When Dempsey is swarmed

"Why are you not sharing, you fucking capitalist?!"

— When Dempsey is swarmed

"Dempsey is surrounded!"

— When Dempsey is swarmed

"Dempsey, maybe try giving 'em something and then, they go away!"

— When Dempsey is swarmed

"Nice shot Dempsey! But you missed a little bit."

— When Dempsey makes a crawler

"Watch for the crawler, Dempsey!"

— When Dempsey makes a crawler

"There is a crawler on the loose!"

— When Dempsey makes a crawler

"Dempsey, you made a crawler."

— When Dempsey makes a crawler

"He's not altogether dead yet, Dempsey."

— When Dempsey makes a crawler

"Dempsey, watch out for that evil monkey! He freak me out."

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb

"Watch out, Dempsey. It bites!"

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb

"Dempsey and monkey sitting in a tree. G. I spelled it right, right?"

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Set him loose, so it dies!"

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb.

"I like your monkey, Dempsey. But, not that little monster."

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb.

"So what, Takeo?"

— When Takeo gets a headshot

"Luck favors the weak."

— When Takeo gets a headshot

"You were 3 feet away. Big deal."

— When Takeo gets a headshot

"My little sister shoots better than you, Takeo!"

— When Takeo gets a headshot

"Let's throw a parade for our mighty but tiny warrior."

— When Takeo gets a headshot. Replaces "Bushido" with "but tiny."

"I'll come to your rescue, but only because you owe me from last time!"

— When Takeo is swarmed

"Takeo, you've made friends."

— When Takeo is swarmed

"Did they steal your sense of humor, Takeo?"

— When Takeo is swarmed

"Oh, look! Our Mighty Bushido Warrior is surrounded again! *high pitched* Hehyiiii!"

— Upon seeing Takeo chased by a swarm of Zombies. (The "hehyi" is said, taunting Takeo's Japanese sayings.)

"They must be attracted to your "honor!""

— Upon seeing Takeo chased by a swarm of Zombies

"Try killing it next time, Takeo!"

— When Takeo makes a crawler

"You never finish anything."

— When Takeo makes a crawler

"There's is more to kill still."

— When Takeo makes a crawler

"We have a crawler, Thanks to Takeo."

— When Takeo makes a crawler

"Thank you for sharing your misery, Takeo."

— When Takeo makes a crawler

"Not so honorable, are you, Takeo."

— When Takeo makes a crawler

"Maybe the evil monkey will eat YOU, Takeo!"

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb

"I hate you both."

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb

"The Mighty Warrior and his little doll."

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb

"Look out, Takeo. The monkey might wind YOU up! *laughs*"

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb

"heh. You guys make perfect couple. You are both ugly. Love to see your kids. *chuckles*"

— When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb

 _ **Other**_

"What! I did something?"

— Upon getting a Xbox 360 achievement/Playstation 3 Trophy.

"That should keep them out while I drink."

When boarding a window.

"The film must've been shit, this place is full of stiffs!"

— Upon turning on the power.

"Uh, uh-oh. That sounds like trouble."

— When the Crawler Zombies spawn/turning on the power.

"Oh so. What's all that noise? It's making my headache worse!"

— When the Crawler Zombies spawn/turning on the power.

"Do you guys hear all that racket?"

— When the Crawler Zombies spawn/turning on the power.

"Now, it's going to happen."

— When the Crawler Zombies spawn/turning on the power.

"Perfect. More things to chase me around."

— When the Crawler Zombies spawn/turning on the power.

"Perfect, I shall piss in style here!"

— Upon entering the bathroom in first floor.

"Another dark alley, I know this well."

— Upon gaining access to the alley.

"Dempsey, I think you left your blush!"

— Upon gaining access to the dressing room.

"This place looks like my first apartment. Just less blood."

— Upon gaining access to the foyer.

"What?! That stripper must have stolen my money!"

— Trying to use a door/Perk-A-Cola/Pack-A-Punch without enough points

"Oh I found a rock, great."

— After finding the first piece of the meteor.

"I found another rock... but no vodka!"

— After finding the second piece of the meteor.

"Here's the last piece. What do I win?"

— After finding the third/last piece of the meteor.

"Hey Hey, I found something neat!"

— When he activates the musical easter egg

"Well, they do say the screen puts on ten pounds."

— After examining his portrait.

"Hey Dempsey! I think they got your bad side!"

— After examining Dempsey's portrait.

"I hate you, Takeo."

— After examining Takeo's portrait.

"Richtofen looks a little younger in this painting."

— After examining Richtofen's portrait.

"Hey! Someone stole the image from this picture!"

— After examining the blacked-out portrait.

"Richtofen, your children are becoming annoying!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"Why do they insist on picking on me?!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"You capitalist hellpigs, DIE!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"Meet the fury of the Red Army!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"You didn't bring enough hellpigs to take on a Soviet!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"I am surrounded by hellpigs!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"I think they're all trying to steal my vodka!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"Either I'm surrounded or I'm seeing double!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"Come quickly! I'm surrounded!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"Bad hellpigs, BAD!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"Come, let's dance to your butchka!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"I think I'm alone now. There doesn't seem to be anyone around. They're all around me now!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies. A reference to "I Think We're Alone Now", by multiple artists.

"You Bolshevik dogs!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"*sniffs* Alright, Which one of you crap your pants."

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

"I gotta move or they'll take me down!"

— Upon being chased by a swarm of Zombies.

 ** _Cut Quotes_**

"Anyone else smell bacon?"

— Upon killing a zombie with the M2 Flamethrower

"You DIE!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a flamethrower

"You are on fire, hellpig!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a flamethrower

"All this fire is making me sweat. Sweat vodka!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a flamethrower

"Taste the flames of hell!"

— Upon killing a zombie with a flamethrower

"Ey! It's a flamethrower!"

— Receiving a flamethrower from the Mystery Box

"Let's see if I can light my breath on fire. No,no,no,no! Come! Come look! This is funny!"

— Receiving a flamethrower from the Mystery Box

"Anyone need a light?"

— Receiving a flamethrower from the Mystery Box

"Da. Same weapon I used to kill my- oh- no, that was something else. I used iron."

— Receiving a flamethrower from the Mystery Box

"Hey Dempsey, I found a flamethrower. Jealous?"

— Receiving a flamethrower from the Mystery Box

"Hoho. Is it just me or is it getting hot in here. *chuckles*"

— Receiving a flamethrower from the Mystery Box

"Oh great! It's the Wonderfulwaffle!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"Hellpigs! I am coming!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"Now, this gun makes Nikolai a very happy cossack!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"This has more power than Moscow Electric Company!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"This ALMOST as strong as the best Russian vodka."

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"I have more for you!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"Taste the power of the Red Menace!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"Electrocution! Just like the gulag! What fun. Good times."

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"Ha! You die like the dogs that you are."

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

"Heh, I think I saw his bone for a split-second."

— Upon killing a zombie with the Wunderwaffe DG-2

 ** _Takeo Masaki_**

 ** _Beginning_**

"We need to bring light to this dark place."

— At the beginning.

"This place is dark. We need to find the light!"

— At the beginning.

"There seems to be no power!"

— At the beginning.

"There is no power now! Perhaps there never was."

— At the beginning.

"We should go find the power box."

— At the beginning.

 ** _Killing a zombie_**

"Your teeth will not cut into my flesh!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Keep your hands to yourself, monster!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"You will not feel the flesh of the honorable!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Always counter your enemy's movements!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Your evil cannot infect the honorable!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Daah, I'm soaked with your blood!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"My personal space must be preserved!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"You will never touch me, hell-beast!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Shi-Ne!"

— Upon getting a knife kill. "Shi-Ne" means "die" in Japanese.

"My honor is bigger than yours!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"Now you die!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"Die, Monster!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"I send you to your ancestors!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"You die with no honor!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"Hyah!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"Die, foul creatures!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"I will not stop until you are all destroyed!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Return to darkness!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Continuance is strength, so I shall continue!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"When I am finished, none shall remain!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"You bring me great honor!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"There is no victory, only death!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"You cannot survive this!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Die, cursed beasts!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Feel the fist of the emperor!"

— Upon an explosive kill.

"Amazing!"

— Upon an explosive kill.

"With the force of one thousand wombats, YOU DIE!"

— Upon an explosive kill.

"You explode with honour!"

— Upon an explosive kill.

"You all kneel before the emperor!"

— Upon an explosive kill.

"Takeo one, Zombie zero!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"That is one for Takeo, zero for zombie!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Hmm. Impressive."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Their head vanishes, then death."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"No supper for you!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"That is perfect training!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"I cannot allow you to stare at me!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Now your head is a threat to no one!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"You cannot harm us without a mouth!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"The beast never knew what hit him!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Eat my vengeance!"

— Upon killing a crawler.

"You are purified!"

— Upon killing a crawler.

"I take great pleasure in ending you!"

— Upon killing a crawler.

"There is no tomorrow for you!"

— Upon killing a crawler.

"I have taken care of the crawler!"

— Upon killing a crawler.

"Ugh, that thing could not ever have been human!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"Argh! Smells like rotten sushi!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"You have been purified!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"I will rid the Earth of this plague!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"Back to nothing with you!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

""(Japanese Verbs)""

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"By the might of a thousand thunder claps!"

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"You have been vanquished!"

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"Die a thousand deaths!"

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"You will be destroyed!"

— Upon getting a kill with Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"Pew pew, pew pew, hahahahaha!"

— Upon getting a kill with Ray Gun.

"Your soul will not survive this!"

— Upon getting a kill with Ray Gun.

"You are eviscerated!"

— Upon getting a kill with Ray Gun.

"Such power!"

— Upon getting a kill with Ray Gun.

"You have been deemed unworthy!"

— Upon getting a kill with Ray Gun.

"The path of the unholy is always trumped by the pure!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"Taste the honor!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"Ahh, as fierce as he is cute!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"With honor you die, monkey."

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"Those stupid beasts!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

— Upon shooting a limb off.

"My honour is bigger than yours!"

— Upon shooting a limb off.

"It is rotting from the inside!"

— Upon shooting a limb off.

"No more meat for you!"

— Upon shooting a limb off.

"Give him a hand! (laughs)"

— Upon shooting a limb off.

"Its evil persists!"

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"That creature is possessed!"

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"Die, evil beast!"

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"Eat death, beast!"

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"You don't have enough honor to die!"

— Upon making a legless zombie.

 ** _Being hit by a Zombie_**

"You kill me? No! I kill you!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"Not on this day, tormented soul!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"You had an unhappy ending! Ha ha ha!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"Your strike was weak!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"You lack focus!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"Crawler!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

"Get Back!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

"Look out for the short zombie!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

"Watch your feet!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

"Stay off my uniform!"

— Upon being hit by a legless/footless zombie.

 ** _Hellhound_**

"I fear no dog!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"We have truly angered hell!"

— At the begginning of a Hellhound round.

"Hell has sent its hounds!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"These Hell-beasts must be destroyed!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"You may not take me!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Die, demon-spawn!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Die, dog!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"You cannot take that which is not yours!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"You are vanquished!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

 ** _Downed or revived_**

"I require assistance!"

— When downed.

"Is this how it ends?"

— When downed.

"This is not how I wish to die!"

— When downed.

"This is without reason!"

— When downed.

"This cannot be!"

— When downed.

"I have fallen into darkness!"

— When downed.

"Your karma has approved"

— After being revived.

"You have much honor..."

— After being revived.

"Nana korobi, ya oki."

— After being revived. A Japanese proverb meaning "fall seven times, stand up eight."

"Even monkeys fall from trees!"

— After being downed.

"Meditation time over!"

— After being revived.

 ** _Ammo_**

"My weapon is low on honour."

— When low on ammo.

"I will soon need ammunition."

— When low on ammo.

"This weapon will be useless without bullets!"

— When low on ammo.

"I should go look for more ammunition."

— When low on ammo.

"Where is my ammunition?"

— When low on ammo.

"Need more ammunition!"

— When low ammo

"A true warrior needs no weapon!"

— When out of ammo.

"I have no ammo. I have no honor."

— When out of ammo.

"Vengeance waits for no ammunition!"

— When out of ammo.

"I will use my bare hands!"

— When out of ammo.

"I am still better off with the Arisaka."

— When out of ammo.

 _ **Buying weapons off the wall**_

"I will fire honor at them mightily!"

— After buying an SMG off the wall.

"I will show them the path!"

— After buying an SMG off the wall.

"I need more honor!"

— When trying to buy a weapon without requisite points.

"This weapon is lighter than a feather, but more than twice as deadly."

— After buying an SMG off of the wall.

"One by one, I shall curse them from afar!"

— After buying the M14 off of the wall.

"It's almost a katana."

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife.

"Shiny!"

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife.

"An honorable weapon."

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife.

"Sometimes, I like to keep them close."

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife.

"I will stab with perfection!"

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife.

 ** _Power-ups_**

"Oh... blessings come from above!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up

"The tide tips in our favour!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"The spirits come to aid us!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Double the honor!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"Now we can continue the fight!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"The path of the virtuous gives great gifts!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"The unholy shall kneel before the might of the honorable!"

— Upon getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"I am possessed by the power of the EMPEROR!"

— Upon getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"You will feel the power in my veins!"

— Upon getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"That will hold them up for a while."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"This gives us time to prime."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"The stake that sticks out gets hammered down!"

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Quick, kill as many as you can!"

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up

"That will keep them out for a thousand year- er, uh, well, a few seconds."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Let the light of a thousand suns purify your souls!"

— Upon getting a Nuke power-up.

"Destruction rains on the unholy!"

— Upon getting a Nuke power-up.

"...Nice timing!"

— Upon getting a Nuke power-up.

"What is a fire sale?"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"We will take this a sign!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"If we move quickly, we will be rewarded!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"There is little time to grab a deal, ha ha!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"To the box!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

 ** _Perk-a-Colas_**

"Hmm, a drink that requires a... mature palette."

— Upon drinking Quick Revive.

"Speed Cola speeds up your life!"

— Upon drinking Speed Cola, said in a quite fast voice.

"I am fast shooting Eastern cowboy!"

— Upon drinking Double Tap Root Beer.

"Ahhh. This water is a pure delight!"

— Upon drinking Juggernog.

 _ **Pack-a-Punch**_

"Consequences will never be the same!"

— After putting a weapon inside the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"A true warrior forges his own bread!"

— After putting a weapon inside the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"Patience is a virtue of the honorable!"

— After putting a weapon inside the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"May the weapon be blessed... by the ancestor!"

— After putting a weapon inside the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"I will honor this machine, by slaying many..."

— After putting a weapon inside the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"This will make a weapon that will honor my ancestors."

— After putting a weapon inside the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"A weapon is an extension of ones ownself."

— After taking a newly upgraded weapon out of the Pack-a-Punch.

"Much better"

— Receiving a weapon from the Pack a Punch Machine

"Now with more honor!"

— Receiving a weapon from the Pack a Punch Machine

"This will keep them at bay."

Receiving a weapon from the Pack a Punch Machine

"A weapon is an extension of one's own honor."

Receiving a weapon from the Pack a Punch Machine

"The weapon of the victorious!"

Receiving a weapon from the Pack a Punch Machine

"Now this is what I'm talking about!"

— Receiving a weapon from the Pack a Punch Machine

 ** _Mystery Box_**

"I cannot be defeated!...Probably..."

— After getting an AUG from Mystery Box.

"I will turn them into red mist!"

— After getting an LMG from Mystery Box.

"Now they die!"

— After getting an LMG from Mystery Box.

"The damned will be destroyed!"

— After getting an LMG from Mystery Box.

"Their annihilation would please the emperor!"

— After getting an LMG from Mystery Box.

"This cursed plague ends here!"

— After getting an LMG from Mystery Box.

"Ahh... a weapon fit for a warror!"

— After getting an LMG from Mystery Box.

"They will fall before me!"

— After getting an LMG from Mystery Box.

"This is lighter than a feather, but more than twice as deadly!"

— After getting an SMG from Mystery Box.

"Ahhh... The bullets will rain upon the demon spawn!"

— After getting an SMG from Mystery Box.

"With this SMG, I bring death!"

— After getting an SMG from Mystery Box.

"I will fire honor at them mightily!"

— After getting an SMG from Mystery Box.

"I will fire honor at them mightily!"

— After getting an SMG from Mystery Box.

"Hmm... A fine weapon."

— After getting a Sniper Rifle from Mystery Box.

"They will not expect my ambush!"

— After getting a Sniper Rifle from Mystery Box. A reference to how Japanese soldiers ambushed soldiers in WWII.

"They will die without honor!"

— After getting a Sniper Rifle from Mystery Box.

"One by one, I will curse them from afar!"

— After getting a Sniper Rifle from Mystery Box.

"Ahh... A useful weapon!"

— After getting a Sniper Rifle from Mystery Box.

"I will steal what honor they have left!"

— After getting a Sniper Rifle from Mystery Box.

"This does not suit a warrior!"

— After getting a CZ75 or a Python from Mystery Box.

"A worthless weapon, from an honor-less box!"

— After getting a CZ75 or a Python from Mystery Box.

"I see the box still dispenses dishonor!"

— After getting a CZ75 or a Python from Mystery Box.

"Mmm. If only this box had honor!"

— After getting a CZ75 or a Python from Mystery Box.

"This is unacceptable!"

— After getting a CZ75 or a Python from Mystery Box.

"Double the honor!"

— After getting dual CZ75's from Mystery Box.

"Ahh, 2 guns is a good thing, for me!"

— After getting dual CZ75's from Mystery Box.

"I have more firepower!"

— After getting dual CZ75's from Mystery Box.

"Their disease will be forgotten!"

— After getting dual CZ75's from Mystery Box.

"I will bring the wrath of the emperor down upon them!"

— After getting dual CZ75's from Mystery Box.

"I will blast them apart!"

— After getting a shotgun from Mystery Box.

"They will feel my anger with every destroyed limb!"

— After getting a shotgun from Mystery Box.

"They will be zen..."

— After getting a shotgun from Mystery Box.

"I shatter their souls!"

— After getting a shotgun from Mystery Box.

"Now these beasts will be destroyed!"

— After getting a shotgun from Mystery Box.

"I will end their suffering!"

— After getting a shotgun from Mystery Box.

"This gun fires pure honor!"

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box.

"The weapon that those who call me "ancestor" will employ!"

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box.

"Now I will send them back into darkness!"

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box.

"They will not know what hit them!"

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box.

"I will purify them!"

— After getting a Ray Gun from Mystery Box.

"I have acquired the Thundergun!"

— After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"A gift from the emperor!"

— After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"Nature's fury, packed into a tube!"

— After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"I will unleash this great power!"

— After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"The skies will shake with my power!"

— After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"*chuckling* The Emperor would be amused!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"*chuckling*, I have found a toy!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"The monkey of honor!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"This monkey holds the cure to their disease!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"This will not fit in my scabbard!"

— After getting a Monkey Bomb from Mystery Box.

"Honour... In spades!"

— After getting a China Lake or M72 LAW from Mystery Box.

"With this, I will purge this place!"

— After getting a China Lake or M72 LAW from Mystery Box.

"I will rain fire on the dishonorable!"

— After getting a China Lake or M72 LAW from Mystery Box.

"This teddy bear fuels my nightmares!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"The box is no longer here! Maybe never was..."

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"This box is cursed!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Who is responsible for this?"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"The box leaves us powerless!"

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

I ** _nteractive_**

"Your aim has pleased the Emperor!"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot

"That was good shooting, doctor!"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot

"Oh! They stand no chance against you!"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot

"Oh! Amazing shot!"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot

"You shoot like Samurai!"

— When Richtofen gets a headshot

"Richtofen is surrounded!"

— When Richtofen is swarmed

"We're coming to help, Richtofen!"

— When Richtofen is swarmed

"The doctor could use some assistance!"

— When Richtofen is swarmed

"On our way, doctor!"

— When Richtofen is swarmed

"Coming, Richtofen!"

— When Richtofen is swarmed

"Saving some for later?"

— When Richtofen makes a crawler

"I see you kept a bit of it alive."

— When Richtofen makes a crawler

"I think you made a crawler."

— When Richtofen makes a crawler

"Some of it still lives!"

— When Richtofen makes a crawler

"Crawler, on its way!"

— When Richtofen makes a crawler

"Did you make that too, doctor?"

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb

"You are honered by the presence of the monkey."

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb

"You have been blessed by the Emperor."

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb

"Richtofen found the monkey."

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb

"Hurry up and use it!"

— When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb

"You have lucky number, Russian pig!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot

"That was not your shot, but your breath!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot

"The sight of you made its head explode!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot

"If you shoot 1000 bullets, you hit maybe one time!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot

"They fall before your ugliness!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot

"Poor Russian."

— When Nikolai is swarmed

"I'll be there someday, Nikolai!"

— When Nikolai is swarmed

"If you would shoot instead of taking shots, maybe that not happen!"

— When Nikolai is swarmed

"Just breathe on them!"

— When Nikolai is swarmed

"Oh! I thought you were one of them!"

— When Nikolai is swarmed

"Of course you didn't kill it all!"

— When Nikolai makes a crawler

"(Mockingly) Oh, he must be attracted to you!"

— When Nikolai makes a crawler

"They want to kill you, Nikolai...maybe can't blame them!"

— When Nikolai makes a crawler

"Maybe they find you irritating."

— When Nikolai makes a crawler

"Looks like you missed a bit."

— When Nikolai makes a crawler

"Nothing like making friends, Nikolai, eh?"

— When Nikolai makes a crawler

"Maybe it will wind YOU up, Russian!"

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb

"The monkey is better at killing zombies than you!"

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb

"Look out, Nikolai! It's watching you!"

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb

"Its loud cymbals give you a headache, huh?"

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb

"I bet that monkey hates you."

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb

 ** _Other_**

"I require more funds!"

— When attempting to buy something on the wall without the required points.

"I need more honor!"

— When attempting to buy something on the wall without the required points.

"I am not yet ready for the way of the box."

— When attempting to buy a gun from the Mystery Box on the wall without the required points.

"Virtuous folds in the fire of adversity!"

— When being swarmed.

"I see them on all sides!"

— When being swarmed.

"The disease surround me!"

— When being swarmed.

"I must fight through the scourge!"

— When being swarmed.

"It takes discipline to be surrounded by your foes!"

— When being swarmed.

"You will all die again!"

— When being swarmed.

"You will meet your doom!"

— When being swarmed.

"I shall free your souls from your disease!"

— When being swarmed.

"You will be purified by honor!"

— When being swarmed.

"Your path leads to your death!"

— When being swarmed.

"You will meet the rage of Takeo!"

— When being swarmed.

"Hey guys! I am surrounded!"

— When being swarmed.

"I am surrounded by all that is unholy!"

— When being swarmed.

"Your disease ends here!"

— When being swarmed.

"The honorable cannot be tainted!"

— When being swarmed.

"This is no time for play!"

After the power is turned on and then, entering the theater.

"Oh!... Sounds like a big monster is attacking the building."

— After turning on the electricity. A reference to the Japanese film, "Godzilla".

"The disease is spreading..."

— Upon turning the electricity on.

"Somehow, they are becoming more foul!"

— Upon turning the electricity on.

"Evil only begats more evil!"

— Upon turning the electricity on.

"Huh? What new evil is afoot?"

— Upon turning the electricity on.

"I found a piece of the meteor!"

— After found the first piece of the meteor.

"I found another rock! Maybe they stole this from Japan!"

— Finding the second piece of the meteor. A reference to the meteor at Shi No Numa.

"I found the last piece!"

Finding the last piece of the meteor.

"I have found a grand secret!"

— Upon activating the "115" song easter egg.

"This is a picture of a great warrior!"

— After examining his portrait.

"A picture of The ugly American! Eugh!"

— After examining Dempsey's portrait.

"He is so drunk, I can smell his breath through this portrait!"

— After examining Nikolai's portrait.

"Perhaps what once was, is no more, but shall be again!"

— When examining the blacked out portrait.

"Honor to the doctor!"

— After examining Richtofen's portrait.

 ** _Cut Quotes_**

"Oh... I am honored."

— When earning an achievement.

"This will make for a fun time!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"I will SHOCK them into submission!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"I finally get the turn...with the Wunderwaffe."

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"BEHOLD! The Electric Katana!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"It is on now freakbags!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box (quoting Dempsey)

"The Kamikaze Strikes!"

Killing zombies with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Begone!"

Killing zombies with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Divine Wind carries you away!"

Killing zombies with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Hadoken!"

Killing zombies with the Wunderwaffe DG-2. Reference to Ryu's power from Street Fighter.

"Their bones are dust!"

Killing zombies with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"The dragon's breathe will end their suffering!"

— Receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"I will burn them off the face of the Earth!"

— Receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"They will succumb to the brightness of my honor!"

— Receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"Now they will become as ash!"

— Receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"This disease will be burned away forever!"

— Receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"They will be cured!"

— Receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"I burn away your sins!"

— Killing zombie/s with the flamethrower.

"Darkness becomes light!"

— Killing zombie/s with the flamethrower.

"That stings like wasabi!"

— Killing zombie/s with the flamethrower. Wasabi is a plant known for spiciness.

"Zombie Shabu-Shabu!"

— Killing zombie/s with the flamethrower. Shabu-Shabu is a Japanese soup.

"The rising sun burns you away!"

— Killing zombie/s with the flamethrower.

 ** _Edward Richtofen_**

 _ **Beginning**_

"Oh joy! No power!"

— At the beginning.

"*impatiently* Ja, ja, the power needs to be turned on."

— At the beginning. "Ja" is German for "yes".

"I cannot torture my minions without power... Dempsey, you go turn it on."

— At the beginning.

"Power power power power! It's always the first priority!"

— At the beginning. A reference to a similiar quote in Der Riese.

"There is no power, how suspicious... or obvious!"

— At the beginning.

 ** _Killing a Zombie_**

"Stay away from me!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"You shan't touch the doctor!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"No my dear, I touch YOU!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"I like the way the bloodiness feels against my skin..."

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"I feel the blood in my eyes!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Ugh, I think you had an infection."

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"NEIN! TOO CLOSE!"

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"No touching the doctor!... Unless he asks."

— Upon getting a kill in a really close range.

"Die, my pretty! Die!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"I'll swallow your heart!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"THE BLOOD! THE BEAUTIFUL BLOOD!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"No more Doctor Nice Guy!"

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"Ahh, it smells so wunderbar!"

— Upon getting a knife kill. "Wunderbar" translates to "wonderful".

"Their screams are so... erotic... ja."

— Upon getting a knife kill.

"Live up to your death!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"OH, THE LOVELY BLOOD!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Let me smell the delicate flesh, ja..."

— Upon multiple kills.

"Yes... ja, JA, DIE!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"The anguished cries of the damned make such music!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"I am so pleased! NOW DIE!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"I need more screams!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Don't be afraid of death. Be afraid of The Doctor!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"I take your pain! I put my straw in it! *slurping noise* And I drink it up!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Oh it hurts, doesn't it?... GOOD!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Ahh, you must be punished! You're dirty, DIRTY!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Filthy schweinehund!"

— Upon multiple kills. Schweinehund translates to "pig-dog" in German.

"Oh, the showers of the damned!"

— Upon an explosive kill.

"*singing* Fountains of sorrow..."

— Upon an explosive kill.

"Yes! Yes, explode!"

— Upon an explosive kill.

"Tiny little organ parts for everybody!"

— Upon an explosive kill.

"He's exploded!"

— Upon an explosive kill.

"DIE, SCHWEINE!"

— Upon an explosive kill. Schweine translates to pig.

"Bahaha, watch the little pieces of bone fly from its neck!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Awww, I cannot hear their screams if they no longer have mouths..."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Poof! You have no more head. Hahaha!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"See the power of Doctor Richtofen!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Haha, ja, I want you to head for me!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"I want to get closer to embrace their pain!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"*laughter* His head shattered! *laughter*"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"You have paid the price for your insolence."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"POP goes the weasel!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"OOH, it just went splat!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"Squishy squishy, little bug."

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"Now there is pus everywhere."

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"The Doctor says... DIE!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"Taste my medicine, squishy beast!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"Feel the power of Doctor Richtofen!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"The force of nature at my fingertips!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"Ja, bow before the almighty Doctor!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"They were all flattened like PANCAKES!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"I said take your medicine!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Thundergun/Zeus Cannon.

"AND... he is no longer with us."

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"Where did he go? I don't know, do you?"

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"He's become random bits of joy."

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"Transmuted into nothing!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"Do you like my glowing green balls?!"

— Upon getting a kill with a Ray Gun.

"Keep your head down next time! Haha, oh, there won't be a next time."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"You have all been fooled! Just like Peter! *laughter*"

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb.

"Oh, the excitement and joy of their sorrows!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb.

"(singing) I don't think they saw that coming!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb.

"You must have heard the voices that time!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb.

"BOOM! You are all dead now!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Monkey Bomb.

"I could probably use that."

— Upon shooting a limb off.

"That's so... humerus. (laughs)"

— Upon shooting a limb off. A pun on humerus and humourous.

"No, no, you're not supposed to fall apart like that."

— Upon shooting a limb off.

"He cannot fight now. He's been... disarmed. (laughs)"

— Upon shooting a limb off.

"That must be so beautifully painful!"

— Upon shooting a limb off.

"Look at what I have created!"

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"IT'S STILL ALIVE!"

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"OH JOY! I made und stumpy!"

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"Look at it, crawling to me!"

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"It has no legs, but still moves. Interesting."

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"Pity. He had such will to live."

— Upon killing a legless zombie.

"He cannot get up again, ha-ha."

— Upon killing a legless zombie.

"The life has been drained from that one."

— Upon killing a legless zombie.

"Ohhh, his torture was so beautiful!"

— Upon killing a legless zombie.

"Perhaps I can save his appendix."

— Upon killing a legless zombie.

 _ **Being hit by a Zombie**_

"I can smell my own blood! FEAR ME!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"How DARE you touch the doctor?"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"LEAVE ME BE!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"Schweinehund! Die!"

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him, "Schweinehund" translates literally to "pig-dog", but means the equivalent of "bastard" in German.

"Did you feel it? Oh, I hope you did."

— Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"Get off my legs, minion!"

— When getting attacked by a crawler.

"DIE!"

— When attacked by a crawler.

"It's tearing my shins! Delicious!"

— When attacked by a crawler.

"Stay below me, hundewurst!"

— When attacked by a crawler. "Hundewurst" translates to "sausage-dog".

"I'll kill you for your insolence!"

— When attacked by a crawler.

 ** _Hellhound_**

"Aww, the poor puppies!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"NEIN! NOT THE PUPPIES!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round. "Nein" is German for "No".

"Mommy said not to hurt animals any more!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"My poor little accidents... STAY AWAY!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"Aww, poor little doggies!"

— At the beginning of a Hellhound round.

"Have no fear, the Doctor is present."

— Upon making a legless zombie.

"Aah, I don't like it when they lick me!"

— After killing a hellhound.

"Take them back, Samantha!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"Back, hellions! Die!"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"What have you done to the POOR PUPPIES?"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

"How can they be so mean?"

— Upon killing a Hellhound.

 ** _Downed or revived_**

"IT TICKLES! IT TICKLES! I KNOW IT, IT TICKLES!"

— When downed.

"IT CANNOT BE! I AM DOWN!"

— When downed.

"No, no. I am not ready for hell, I don't even have my good shoes!"

— When downed. A reference to a similiar quote in Der Riese.

"Death calls my name!"

— When downed.

"Help me! They are displeased!"

— When downed.

"I feel my life slipping away!"

— When downed.

"I'll get you something nice when this is over."

— After being revived.

"I am ALIVE!"

— After being revived.

"Did the voices tell you to save me?"

— After being revived.

"Ja, danke! (Yes, thanks!)"

— After being revived. This is the only quote Rictofen speaks entirely in German.

"They've all gone mad! We must help them."

— After being revived.

 ** _Ammo_**

"Low on ammo!"

— When low on ammo.

"How could I be running out of ammo?!"

— When low on ammo.

"I need to find more of my little friends!"

— When low on ammo.

"I can't cherish their agony if I run out of ammo completely!"

— When low on ammo.

"I only have a few rounds left!"

— When low on ammo.

"Without bullets I will have to resort to... *gasp* STABBING!"

— When out of ammo.

"I need to find some ammunition... *wailing*"

— When out of ammo.

"No ammo is NO FUN!"

— When out of ammo.

"I have no ammunition."

— When out of ammo.

"No rounds, no wounds, NO JOY!"

— When out of ammo.

Buying weapons off the wallEdit

"Yes, now their kidneys will be all MINE! But none for you, Dempsey!"

— After buying a M14 off the wall.

"What? The voices are louder!"

— Upon buying a MP5K off the wall.

"Oh, this is just so heavy!"

— Buying M14 off the wall

"An autopsy is more easily performed with a shotgun."

— Upon buying a Stakeout or Olympia off the wall.

"Yes, my children, I am coming!"

— Upon buying an Olympia off the wall.

"The MP40! Wunderbar!"

— When buying a MP40 off the wall. "Wunderbar" is "wonderful" in German.

"Of course they still have the BEST WEAPON EVER MADE HERE!"

— When buying the MP40 off the wall.

"What could be better than the MP40?"

When buying the MP40 off the wall.

"The Doctor is well armed!"

— When buying the MP40 off the wall.

"Look at the sheen on this weapon... striking."

— When buying the MP40 off the wall.

"Ah! The most precise invention!"

— When buying the MP40 off the wall.

"So sharp... so long!"

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife.

"Zombies! It's time for your disembowelment!"

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife.

"Oh look, I can see myself in it."

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife.

"Finally, a tool worthy of my hand."

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife.

"I don't know who Jim Bowie was, but he must have been big and long... and sharp."

— Upon buying the Bowie Knife. Jim Bowie popularized the use of the Bowie Knife.

 ** _Power-ups_**

"A gift from Sam? But why?!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"More time to play with my pretty ones!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Ammo to the max, ja?"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"MORE SCORE!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"I am paid for pain!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"I get paid double for my effort!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"This must be the work of the Masons."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up; A reference to Freemason.

"STAY AWAY!"

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"That will keep my patients at bay."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Are you... bored? *laughter*"

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up. A pun on the homophones "board" and "bored".

"They are held outside for a little while now."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"I feel THE POWER!"

— Upon getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"I will please you now... THE VOICES!"

— Upon getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"My blood will roar with their tears!"

— Upon getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"They seem to have all gone boom!"

— Upon getting a Nuke.

"The flames... of the damned!"

— Upon getting a Nuke. A possible reference to a similiar quote in Der Riese.

"Watch them all explode so beautifully!"

— Upon getting a Nuke.

"Attention shoppers, we have a special... ON DEATH!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"Oh, I love a good bargain!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"Cheaper weapons are a prescription for pain!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"Flashy lights! Flashy lights!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

"Step into the light!"

— Upon getting a Fire Sale power-up.

 ** _Perk-a-Colas_**

"Yes! She sounds like a sweet little specimen."

— Upon drinking Jugger-nog.

"For the revival of the un-fittest!"

— Upon drinking Quick Revive.

"I can't be sure but I think the active ingredient rots your mind."

— Upon drinking Speed Cola.

"Hmm, I prefer hefeweizen. With some lemon."

— Upon Drinking Double Tap.

P _ **ack-a-Punch**_

"*whistling*"

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"I would hurt so good if I put my hands in there."

While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"Ahhhhh..."

While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"I'm going to kill SOOO many now."

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"The Doctor is ready for war now!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"The Fatherland would be so proud! It's so emotional..."

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Can you feel their cries coming?"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Now this is the POWER!"

After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"They will bow before me!"

After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Hey Dempsey, WATCH YOUR BACK!"

— After receiving an Awful Lawton from the Pack-a-Punch machine.

"How wonderfully simplistic!"

— After receiving an Awful Lawton from the Pack-a-Punch machine.

"I will make them go boom now!"

— After receiving an Awful lawton from the Pack-a-Punch machine.

"What a savage weapon."

— After receiving an Awful Lawton from the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"A crossbow with an explosive round... they think of everything."

— After receiving an Awful Lawton from the Pack-a-Punch machine.

"I can blow up so many now!"

— After receiving an Awful Lawton from the Pack-a-Punch machine.

"Tic, toc, tic, toc, oh this takes so long!"

— While waiting on the Pack-a-Punch Machine

"So many gears, such German ingenuity!"

— While waiting on the Pack-a-Punch Machine.

 _Mystery Box_

"I like the funny sound it makes!"

— After receiving the FN FAL, Ray Gun, Famas, or the Galil from the Mystery Box.

"They will submit to darkness... *high pitched* YES!"

— After getting a HK21 from Mystery Box.

"I can kill more than one at a time!"

— After getting a sniper rifle from the Mystery Box.

"Ugh, this is just so... heavy."

— After getting a sniper rifle from the Mystery Box.

"Ja, this make a big hole! I like big holes."

— After getting a SPAS-12 from Mystery Box.

"They will be all over the floor! Und de valls! Und the ceiling!"

— After getting an explosive weapon from the Mystery Box.

"I need to hurry up and shoot this!"

— After receiving an explosive weapon from the Mystery Box.

"Could it be? The DG-3!"

— After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"Could this be the DG-3, the DG-3 that is just for me? (Laughter)"

— After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"So THIS is what Maxis was keeping secret!"

— After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box."Thunder at my wrim? WUNDERBAR!

After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"I've got something you need, demons."

After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"I will be the lord of this wasteland!"

After getting a Thundergun from Mystery Box.

"I will please you now... THE VOICES!"

— After getting a SPAS-12 or China Lake from the Mystery Box

"This will never work!"

— When receiving a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box

"This makes me ANGRY!"

— When receiving a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"The doctor is not pleased."

— When receiving a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Hehe, what is this?"

— When receiving a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Ach, I cannot achieve pleasure with this!"

— When receiving a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Double the medicine!"

— When receiving dual CZ75's from the Mystery Box.

"Yes, more firepower!"

— When receiving dual CZ75's from the Mystery Box.

"I will try to shoot all of their extremities... AT THE SAME TIME!"

— When receiving dual CZ75's from the Mystery Box.

"I have two guns now... JOY!"

— When receiving dual CZ75's from the Mystery Box.

"(singing) Double the pleasure, double the pain, double the damage!"

— When receiving dual CZ75's from the Mystery Box.

"They will be all over the floor, and the walls, and the ceiling!"

— When receiving a China Lake or M72 LAW from the Mystery Box.

"A pity they won't feel their sorrows..."

— When receiving a China Lake, M72 LAW or Crossbow from the Mystery Box.

"I need to hurry up and shoot this!"

— When receiving a China Lake or M72 LAW from the Mystery Box.

"Ratatatatatatata Ratatatata! Ahhahahaha!"

— Upon receiving a G11 from the Mystery Box

"Why do they love you so much, little monkey?"

— After receiving the Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box

"You remind me of Patient 13225, only you make less noise when I stick things in you."

— After receiving the Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box. This is a reference to Element 115, as the square root to 13225 is 115.

"The amazing monkey of POWER!"

— Said after getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"It's so fuzzy and SOFT!"

After receiving the Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box

"Joy!"

— After getting a Ray Gun

"It's a Ray Gun!"

After getting a Ray Gun

"I will just lay them down to sleep."

After getting a Ray Gun

"The Illuminati will never get their hands on me again!"

After getting a Ray Gun

"I'll fill their pockets with their livers!"

After getting a Ray Gun

"(Laughter) And it makes a fun noise, too!"

After getting a Ray Gun

"Where did you go?"

— When getting a Teddy Bear.

"Samantha? Samantha, where have you run off too?"

— When getting a Teddy Bear.

"But I need your gifts, how can I have them?"

— When getting a Teddy Bear.

"That dreadful little girl continues to make my life difficult."

— When getting a Teddy Bear.

"Samantha, didn't I teach you a lesson about this?"

— When getting a Teddy Bear.

 ** _Interactive_**

"Ah, das ist good, Nikolai!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot (Das ist is "that is" in German).

"You take the Illuminati up on their offer, no?"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot.

"Straight shooting from a drunk Russian. How quaint."

— When Nikolai gets a headshot.

"Excellent shooting, Nikolai!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot.

"Perhaps aim at Dempsey next time."

— When Nikolai gets a headshot.

"I'll buy you some vodka!"

— When Nikolai gets a headshot.

"Don't worry Nikolai, I will probably not let them hurt you."

— When Nikolai is swarmed.

"Back, minions! Stay away from his vodka!"

— When Nikolai gets swarmed.

"I will help you, Russian!"

— When Nikolai gets swarmed.

"The doctor is on his way!"

— When Nikolai gets swarmed.

"Nikolai needs our help!"

— When Nikolai gets swarmed.

"Crawlers, they make such cute noises!"

— When Nikolai makes a crawler.

"Nikolai, you've made me a new present!"

— When Nikolai makes a crawler.

"Thank you so much for your gift, Nikolai!"

— When Nikolai makes a crawler.

"He looks so cute and happy!"

— When Nikolai makes a crawler.

"(High-pitched) A little crawling minion...(Angrily) I WANT ONE!"

— When Nikolai makes a crawler.

"Fuzzy fuzzy, was a monkey!"

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Give him drink, Nikolai, and send him on his way!"

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb.

"He causes so much sorrow, Nikolai!"

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Oh, joy for Nikolai!"

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Do you hear him talking to you, Nikolai?"

— When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb.

"If I could bottle up your luck, I could make a lot of money, Dempsey."

— When Dempsey gets a headshot.

"Dempsey, you marrow sucking... freakbag, is it?"

— When Dempsey gets a headshot.

"Why don't you just shut your ignorant hole, Dempsey! And your mouth!"

— When Dempsey gets a headshot.

"Dempsey, if you had a brain cell for every headshot, you'd only be stupid!"

— When Dempsey gets a headshot.

"No, Dempsey! I shot that one!"

— When Dempsey gets a headshot.

"You deserve to die, Dempsey!"

— When Dempsey is swarmed.

"I will help you, but only because I want to be the one to eat your heart!"

— When Dempsey is swarmed.

"Dempsey is surrounded! JOY!"

— When Dempsey is swarmed.

"(Tauntingly) Oh, look at the big, brave American soldier, needing help from the doctor!"

— When Dempsey is swarmed.

"(Laughs) Dempsey's being tortured by my little friends."

— When Dempsey is swarmed.

"One day, I will taste your tears, Dempsey."

— When Dempsey makes a crawler.

"I hate you Dempsey. I even hate your eyes."

— When Dempsey makes a crawler.

"Dempsey has made a crawler. Now everyone can do it."

— When Dempsey makes a crawler.

"You have made them multiply. Maybe that's how YOU got here!"

— When Dempsey makes a crawler.

"Dempsey, look at what you have done! *clicks tongue*"

— When Dempsey makes a crawler.

"You are so annoying, Dempsey."

— When Dempsey makes a crawler.

"Nein! Dempsey shouldn't be allowed to have this much fun!"

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Oh, Dempsey, you are now my favorite."

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb.

"You see the family resemblance, American."

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Oh, how I hate you now, little monkey."

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Not Dempsey! He doesn't deserve the fun!"

— When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb.

 ** _Other_**

"Alas, the doctor is too poor to buy this..."

— When attempt to buy something without requisite points.

"What?! I am nothing but a peasant!"

— When attempting to buy something without requisite points.

"How can the doctor be so poor?"

— When attempting to buy something without requisite points.

"The infernal box will not give it's secrets freely..."

— When attempting to use the Mystery Box without the required points.

"THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!"

— When being swarmed.

"Why has everyone abandoned the Doctor?"

— When being swarmed.

"No! The Doctor could use some help about now!"

— When being swarmed.

"My patience is at an end. YOU WILL DIE NOW!"

— When being swarmed.

"How have you all been? Ja, good... TIME TO DIE!"

— When being swarmed.

"Yes, my children, gather around...*nervous laughter*"

— When being swarmed.

"Let me tell you a story about your doom!"

— When being swarmed.

"Oh, it must be playtime!"

— When being swarmed.

"Glad to meet you all! I am the Doctor!"

— When being swarmed.

"Time to RUN!"

— When being swarmed.

"My fame has preceded me."

— When being swarmed.

"Have you heard? It's your time to go."

— When being swarmed.

"Why won't they stop talking to me?"

— When being swarmed.

"You should go follow Dempsey now!"

— When being swarmed.

"Nein, this is not the time to stalk the doctor!"

— When being swarmed.

"You are all getting so close... YOU WILL DIE NOW!"

— When being swarmed.

"Ah, the bathroom, not a very interesting place, unless you're German... LIKE ME!"

— Upon entering the bathroom.

"Doctor Maxis almost had his undead army, if only he could have broken the trust barrier."

— Upon entering the dressing room.

"Those seats, that screen, they wanted to implant the mind with instructions!"

— Upon entering the theater.

"I wonder if we can find any of the training videos anywhere."

Upon entering the lounge.

"An ally, how quaint."

— Upon entering the alley.

"They are shaking down the roof, what a pity!"

— After turning on the power.

"That doesn't sound good."

— After turning on the power.

"What is that beautiful sound? It's like MUSIC!"

— After turning on the power.

"The beautiful creatures fall from the sky!"

— After turning on the power.

"These must have been the failed experiments Maxis mentioned."

— After turning on the power.

"I found a piece of the meteor!"

— After found the first piece of the meteor.

"I found another rock! Maybe they stole this from Japan!"

— Finding the second piece of the meteor. Reference to the meteor in Shi No Numa

"I have found the last piece!"

— Finding the last Meteor.

"I have found a delicious tune!"

— Upon activating the "115" song easter-egg.

"How can I download this to my MP3 player?"

— Upon activating the "115" song easter-egg.

"Oh look, it's me... but not quite as magnificent!"

— After examining his portrait.

"Hello Dempsey. Oh, wait, its just a portrait... AN UGLY ONE!"

— After examining Dempsey's portrait.

"His eyes are following me!"

— After examining Nikolai's portrait.

"Oh, it's a picture of the Monkey Bomb!"

— After examining Takeo's portrait.

"This one didn't photograph so well."

— After examining the blacked-out portrait.

 _ **Cut Quotes**_

"I have been recognized by Treyar... the Illuminati!"

— When earning an achievement (refers to Treyarch).

"OHHHH! The Wunderwaffe DG-2! (slighty cries) I missed you!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"This will be the SHOCK!...of a lifetime...(giggles)"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"Oh, the element of POWER!"

— Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"(Gasps) The epidemy of genius!"

Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"How many can I play this at once?"

-Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"Joy, is the slaughtering of the meek, and with the wunderbar."

-Receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box

"Can it be the DG-3? The DG-3 that's just for me?"

— When receiving the Wunderwaffe DG-3 JZ from the Pack-a-Punch machine.

"Listen, do you hear its joy?"

— Upon getting a kill with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"The Doctor sends his regards!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Shocking! *laughter*"

— Upon getting a kill with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Feel the power of the element!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Samantha, is that you? You mustn't tell anyone!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Ohh, what I wouldn't give to feel that kind of power."

— Upon getting a kill with the Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Burn them... burn them, yes, BURN SO NICELY!"

— Upon receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"So heavy, so hot, so... handsome."

— Upon receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"They bathe in their anguished cries!"

— Upon receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"The Doctor is ready to boil them into submission."

— Upon receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"Shut up, shut up, or I will BURN out your eyes!"

— Upon receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"Liverwurst, anyone? (laughter)"

— Upon receiving the flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"He... He-he's BURNING! (crying) Oh joy!"

— Killing zombies with the flamethrower.

"Oh, do you smell the cooked intestine? Delicious."

— Killing zombies with the flamethrower.

"The flames! Oh, the glorious flames!"

— Killing zombies with the flamethrower.

"*laughter*"

— Killing zombies with the flamethrower.

"Fry, my pretties! Fry!"

— Killing zombies with the flamethrower.

 ** _Samantha Maxis_**

"Fetch me their souls!"

— At begining of a Hellhound round.

"Bye bye!"

— When a player revives the Teddy Bear in the Mystery Box.

"Kaboom!"

— When a Nuke power-up is picked up.

"Carpenter!"

— When a Carpenter power-up is picked up.

"Insta-kill!"

— When an Insta-kill power-up is picked up.

"Fire Sale!"

— When a Fire Sale power-up is picked up.

"Max Ammo!"

— When a Max Ammo power-up is picked up.

"Double points!"

— When a Double Points power-up is picked up.

"Attention, Zombie shoppers! Time for a Fire Sale. Until the music stops, box rolls ten Dollars, at a convenient location near you! (evil laugh)"

— A longer version of the Fire Sale announcement, found in PC files.

 _ **Trivia**_

Sometimes, when playing as Richtofen on Solo, he will say a multiplayer quote that involves Tank Dempsey.


	5. Five

**John** ** _F. Kennedy_**

 ** _Round start_**

"Call the department of energy, we need power!"

— At the beginning.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, so hit the power!"

— At the beginning.

"We'll be judged more by what we do here than anywhere else."

— At the beginning.

 ** _Killing a Zombie_**

"Consider that bill vetoed!"

— Upon getting a 'close' kill.

"Knocking them out like Teddy Ballgame."

— Upon getting a 'close' kill.

"I said: Eat it, rot!"

— Upon getting a 'close' kill.

"Stick that in your Warren Commission, dick."

— Upon getting a 'close' kill.

"The cost of freedom is high, but I will pay it!"

— Upon getting a 'close' kill.

"Take that to the packer ya pisser."

— Upon getting a 'close' kill.

"In the time of turmoil, knowledge is power."

— Upon getting a 'close' kill.

"Executive Order 112477. Die!"

— Upon getting a Crawler kill.

"A zombie mis-educated is a zombie lost."

— Upon getting a Crawler Kill.

"And stay down."

— Upon getting a Crawler kill.

"Take that."

— Upon getting a Crawler kill.

"Don't beg, it's unbecoming."

— Upon getting a Crawler kill.

"Forgive one's enemies, but never, ever, forget their names!"

— Upon getting a 'damaged' kill.

"Pain is temporary, pride is forever."

— Upon getting a 'damaged' kill.

"Ich bin ein Berliner!"

— Upon getting a 'damaged' kill.

"I see an America unafraid of beauty and grace. But you beasts aren't helping."

— Upon getting a 'damaged' kill.

"Fail miserably, achieve greatly!"

— Upon getting a kill.

"Bombs for the zombs."

— Upon getting an 'explosion' kill.

"Raining zombies like a bastard out here!"

— Upon getting an 'explosion' kill.

"Oh say can you see... Boom!"

— Upon getting an 'explosion' kill.

"By the dawn's early light... Baboom!"

— Upon getting an 'explosion' kill.

"Back to the stone age bubbas."

— Upon getting an 'explosion' kill.

"Iced iced baby."

— Upon getting a Winter's Howl kill.

"You need to cool off."

— Upon getting a Winter's Howl kill.

"I said "freeze!""

— Upon getting a Winter's Howl kill.

"Not a snowball's chance in hell."

— Upon getting a Winter's Howl kill.

"I just gave them all the cold shoulder."

— Upon getting a Winter's Howl kill.

"Let us never negotiate with the undead out of fear, but with a bullet!"

— Upon getting a 'headshot' kill.

"To the moon with you hellian."

— Upon getting a 'headshot' kill.

"How'd you like them apples?"

— Upon getting a 'headshot' kill.

"Like popping a jar of Boston baked beans."

— Upon getting a 'headshot' kill.

"Mankind must put an end to the undead, before the undead put an end to mankind!"

— Upon getting a 'headshot' kill.

"I do what I must."

— Upon getting a 'headshot' kill.

"Fore."

— Upon getting a 'headshot' kill.

"Swa-ish"

— Upon getting a 'headshot' kill.

"Taking down the horde one gourd at a time."

— Upon getting a 'headshot' kill.

"In the face wood tugger."

— Upon getting a 'headshot' kill.

"That's a wicked digger."

— Upon on getting an 'insta' kill.

"Oh, pisser!"

— Upon on getting an 'insta' kill.

"Take that, skinny!"

— Upon on getting an 'insta' kill.

"Can you dig it?"

— Upon on getting an 'insta' kill.

"Taste the flavor, chomper!"

— Upon on getting an 'insta' kill.

"Go back to your hole reaver."

— Upon on getting an 'insta' kill.

"Go monkey, go!"

— Upon on getting a Monkey Bomb kill.

"The monkey gets a purple heart for this."

— Upon on getting a Monkey Bomb kill.

"Cranking it up a notch monkey."

— Upon on getting a Monkey Bomb kill.

"Monkey, you are a hero."

— Upon on getting a Monkey Bomb kill.

"I will have a memorial built in your honor monkey."

— Upon on getting a Monkey Bomb kill.

"Agh, who cut the cheese?"

— Upon getting a Nova Crawler kill.

"I made this look real good!"

— Upon getting a Nova Crawler kill.

"Who's the president? Who? Huh? Who?"

— Upon getting a Nova Crawler kill.

"You have been nominated for death, Shambler!"

— Upon getting a Nova Crawler kill.

"And I thought they smelled bad, ah, on the outside."

— Upon getting a Nova Crawler kill.

"Ugh, the smell! I think I just threw up in my mouth a little."

— Upon getting a Nova Crawler kill.

"Ha! You are no more!"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun kill.

"Heh heh, winning the Space Race now!"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun kill.

"With great clarity."

— Upon getting a Ray Gun kill.

"Off the Earth with you!"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun kill.

"Ha! Just like back in Roswell!"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun kill.

"I am all that stands between the dead and the White House!"

— Upon getting a 'streak' kill

"Just like the Solomon Isles!"

— Upon getting a 'streak' kill

"Killing and maiming are indispensable to each other."

— Upon getting a 'streak' kill

"Inaugurate this marble eyes!"

— Upon getting a 'streak' kill

"The pay is good and I can walk to work."

— Upon getting a 'streak' kill

"Never fight out of fear, but never fear to fight!"

— Upon getting a 'streak' kill

"I have to move very fast, to even stand still! "

— Upon getting a 'streak' kill

"On this Earth, God's work is in our hands. Huzzah!"

— Upon getting a 'streak' kill.

"They should put my face on the silver dollar."

— Upon getting a 'streak' kill.

"Stick that in your vis-à-vis Uncle Setty."

— Upon getting a 'streak' kill.

"More fun than stumping for votes."

— Upon getting a 'streak' kill.

"The beast of Boston, Raagh!"

— Upon getting a 'streak' kill.

"Who's your President now, stale-skin?"

— Upon getting a 'streak' kill.

"You're all pardoned!"

— Upon getting a 'streak' kill.

"I know there is a Devil, for I see a storm coming. And his hand is in it!"

— Upon getting a 'streak' kill.

"Consider yourself peace corp'd."

— Upon getting a Thunder Gun kill.

"That's how you come with the ice, man."

— Upon getting a Thunder Gun kill.

"Best. Gun. Period."

— Upon getting a Thunder Gun kill.

"Clear the deck!"

— Upon getting a Thunder Gun kill.

"Music to my ears."

— Upon getting a Thunder Gun kill.

"Nothing says lovein' like a zombie in the oven!"

Upon getting a Flamethrower kill.

"The glow from this fire will truly light the world!"

Upon getting a Flamethrower kill.

"Apologies, but I prefer the meat medium rare."

Upon getting a Flamethrower kill

"Burnin' and churnin'!"

Upon getting a Flamethrower kill.

"Can you smell what the prayers is cooking? Hmm?"

Upon getting a Flamethrower kill.

"(Laughs) Who ordered a deep fried zombie?"

Upon getting a Wunderwaffe kill.

"Take that, you undead Communists!"

Upon getting a Wunderwaffe kill.

"Worthy of Ben Franklin."

Upon getting a Wunderwaffe kill.

"I could get use to this!"

Upon getting a Wunderwaffe kill.

"How do like that!?"

Upon getting a Wunderwaffe kill.

 ** _Wounding a Zombie_**

"Don't lose an arm on my account."

— Upon gibbing a zombie.

"You just got jacked."

— Upon gibbing a zombie.

"Gonna mount that limb next to my pulitzer."

— Upon gibbing a zombie.

"Gee, you dropped something."

— Upon gibbing a zombie.

"Negotiations, one piece at a time."

— Upon gibbing a zombie.

"Man may die, but the walking dead live on."

— Upon making a zombie a crawler.

"You're better than that Jack, get it together."

— Upon making a zombie a crawler.

"Let no man put asunder. Ha."

— Upon making a zombie a crawler.

"You're making a mess on my floor munchers."

— Upon making a zombie a crawler.

"We are all mortal. But apparently you didn't get the memo."

— Upon making a zombie a crawler.

 _ **Being hit by a Zombie**_

"Calm your liver Mr. Wiggles."

— When getting attacked by a crawling zombie.

"Awww, I just polished these shoes."

— When getting attacked by a crawling zombie.

"Do I look like a guy with a foot fetish?"

— When getting attacked by a crawling zombie.

"Get off my bunions!"

— When getting attacked by a crawling zombie.

"You want a taste of my size 10's don't ya?"

— When attacked by a crawling zombie.

 ** _Ammo_**

"I need a re-up."

— When out of ammo.

"Could use some ammo soon!"

— When low ammo.

"No ammo, pass the buck!"

— When out of ammo. Reference to Harry Truman's "The Buck Stops Here" sign on his Presidential Desk.

"Gun-gauge is pointin' at E!"

— When low on ammo.

"Need a mag like yesterday!"

— When low on ammo. Reference to his service times in World War II.

"Ugh...need some beans for the chowder here!"

— When out of ammo. This line appears as a small easter egg in Ascension.

"Ugh...no ammo!"

— When out of ammo.

"Your president needs slugs!"

— When out of ammo.

"Ammo! That's an order!"

— When out of ammo.

"I seem to have no more rounds."

— When out of ammo.

 ** _Receiving Weapons_**

"Time to get dirty."

— After getting the Bowie Knife.

"Chop suey a la zombie anyone?"

— After getting the Bowie Knife.

"Cuts though stale skin like butter."

— After getting the Bowie Knife.

"Hypnotic."

— After getting the Bowie Knife.

"Good balance. Good weight. Let's dig in."

— After getting the Bowie Knife.

"Do you realise the responsibility I carry?"

— After getting a 'bad' weapon.

"What kind of bad luck is this?"

— After getting a 'bad' weapon.

"To Hell with the M.I.C."

— After getting a 'bad' weapon.

"What am I supposed to do with this thing?"

— After getting a 'bad' weapon.

"I veto you box."

— After getting a 'bad' weapon from the Mystery Box.

"Like my job isn't difficult enough."

— After getting a 'bad' weapon.

"That's the ticket."

— After getting a 'dual' weapon.

"They don't call me "Jack" for nothing."

— After getting a 'dual' weapon.

"Two for the price of one. I like it."

— After getting a 'dual' weapon.

"I ordered one, but they delivered two."

— After getting a 'dual' weapon.

"Time to play the two gun blues."

— After getting a 'dual' weapon.

"I'm positively glowing now."

— After getting a 'favorite' weapon.

"If I am strong, my strength will speak for itself."

— After getting a 'favorite' weapon.

"The human mind is our fundamental resource"

— After getting a 'favorite' weapon.

"Now is the time for action."

— After getting a 'favorite' weapon.

"You need not fret any longer."

— After getting a 'favorite' weapon.

"Let's touch the untouchables."

— After getting a 'favorite' weapon.

"It's cold and icy like Fido's heart."

— After getting the Winter's Howl.

"The time is now! Creeps."

— After getting the Winter's Howl.

"I'll stop them in their tracks."

— After getting the Winter's Howl.

"Why don't you just chill out?"

— After getting the Winter's Howl.

"I'll give you something to remember me by."

— After getting the Winter's Howl.

"And the rockets' red glare. The bombs bursting in air."

— After getting a 'launcher' weapon.

"Now this is power."

— After getting a 'launcher' weapon.

"Time for a zombie missile crisis."

— After getting a 'launcher' weapon.

"Secure peace by prepping for war."

— After getting an 'MG' weapon.

"I hold the key to peace in my hands."

— After getting an 'MG' weapon.

"This will stem the dead tide."

— After getting an 'MG' weapon.

"As Teddy Roosevelt once said: "walk softly, and carry a BFG"."

— After getting an 'MG' weapon.

"Nothing better than an MG. Except being president."

— After getting an 'MG' weapon.

"I shall not be afraid to use this."

— After getting an 'MG' weapon.

"With great power comes great responsibility."

— After getting an 'MG' weapon.

"Rack 'em up."

— After getting an 'MG' weapon.

"I'll take them all down."

— After getting an 'MG' weapon.

"Argh... Whoever invented this must be insane."

— After getting the Monkey Bomb.

"Eh Fido, I got your Brother in the palm o' my hand."

— After getting the Monkey Bomb.

"Fuzzy wuzzy was a bomb."

— After getting the Monkey Bomb.

"Get those cymbals outta my face."

— After getting the Monkey Bomb.

"Go monkey, be free."

— After getting the Monkey Bomb.

"Ancient weapons are no substitute for a Ray Gun at your side."

— After getting the Ray Gun.

"Wicked."

— After getting the Ray Gun.

"Where have you been all my life?"

— After getting the Ray Gun.

"A handsome gun, for a handsome president."

— After getting the Ray Gun.

"I must shake the hand of he who invented this fine weapon."

— After getting the Ray Gun.

"A man may die, undead may rise, but this Ray Gun lives on."

— After getting the Ray Gun.

"Ready for your fifteen minutes of flame, Necro-sapian?

After getting a Flamethrower.

"Like barbeques on the Cape!"

After getting a Flamethrower.

"Spit fire!"

After getting a Flamethrower.

"Not as hard as Jackie, but it will do."

After getting a Flamethrower.

"Time light a fire under those undead asses."

After getting a Flamethrower.

"We must burn away this infection!"

After getting a Flamethrower.

"A cure for the living inpaired."

— After getting a 'shotgun' weapon.

"Efforts and courage are not enough. A shotgun helps."

— After getting a 'shotgun' weapon.

"Gonna make some Zed chowder."

— After getting a 'shotgun' weapon.

"Big gun for the bullet sponge."

— After getting a 'shotgun' weapon.

"Oh yeah, now we're groovin'."

— After getting a 'shotgun' weapon.

"This is my sword, my Excalibur"

— After getting a 'shotgun' weapon.

"Munchers, ride shotgun."

— After getting a 'shotgun' weapon.

"A most perfect weapon."

— After getting an 'SMG' weapon.

"Rapid fire hellfire."

— After getting an 'SMG' weapon.

"I like this. A lot."

— After getting an 'SMG' weapon.

"Full auto zombie slaying death in the palms of my hand."

— After getting an 'SMG' weapon.

"I should keep one of these under my desk in the oval office."

— After getting an 'SMG' weapon.

"Eh, don't wanna get too close. Zed goop stains."

— After getting a 'sniper' weapon.

"Line 'em up and lay 'em down."

— After getting a 'sniper' weapon.

"Hail to the chief baby."

— After getting a 'sniper' weapon.

"I'm an idealist, with a sniper rifle."

— After getting a 'sniper' weapon.

"This'll slow those undead marauders right down to the ground."

— After getting a 'sniper' weapon.

"Don't know what this is, but I'm looking forward to using it."

After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Who says you can't capture lightning in a bottle?"

After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Ideas have endurance without death."

After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Listen to the harm!"

After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"A spark for the sparkless."

After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"Gotta get this thing to DARPA."

After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2.

"I think it's singing to me."

— After getting the Thunder Gun.

"Maybe this came from the Groom Lake program."

— After getting the Thunder Gun.

"I, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, do solemnly swear to crush the undead."

— After getting the Thunder Gun.

"Beautiful."

— After getting the Thunder Gun.

"Thank you sir, may I have another?"

— After getting the Thunder Gun.

 ** _Power-ups_**

"Ah, just what the doctor ordered."

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Your country thanks you."

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Ah, this works."

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Builds faster than a Communist building a wall."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Conformity is the jailer of freedom, and the enemy of growth."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Huh, should buy us a little time."

Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Public Works Project at its finest."

Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"The time to repair the barricade is when the sun is shining."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Double the pleasure, double the pain."

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up. A possible reference to a quote by Richtofen.

"I'm seeing in two's!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"I comin' for you all!"

— Upon getting an Insta-Kill/Death Machine power-up.

"I am all that is man!"

— Upon getting an Insta-kill/Death Machine power-up.

"Good old fashioned Irish Beatdown!"

Upon getting an Insta-kill/Death Machine power-up.

"Twice the man I used to be!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"M to the A to the D!"

— Upon getting a Nuke. Reference to Mutually Assured Destruction, a thermonuclear war scenario.

"And that's how you push the button!"

— Upon getting a Nuke.

"Understatement of the century."

— Upon getting a Nuke.

 ** _Perk-a-colas_**

"Ugh...in the Navy for years, never tasted anything that fishy."

— Upon drinking Quick Revive. An obvious reference to his service years in World War II.

"Ah, hail to the chief!"

— Upon drinking Jugger-nog.

"Feelin' sp-peedy!"

— Upon drinking Speed Cola.

"Let's pull the trigger on these scum-divers!"

— Upon drinking Double Tap Root Beer.

 ** _Downed or revived_**

"My country thanks you."

— Upon being revived.

"I never hoped for an easy life, just to be a stronger man."

— Upon being revived. A reference to his one liner at the end of the solo intro.

"What? I was...just...resting my eyes."

— Upon being revived.

"Back and better than ever!"

— Upon being revived.

"Back in the game, kids."

— Upon being revived

 ** _Pack-a-punch_**

"Ask not what your gun can do for you, but what you can do for your gun!"

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine. A reference to his inaugural address.

"I need that now..."

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"(sighs) Any day now..."

While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"This better pack a significant punch!"

While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"Public speaking is the odd of deluding a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocab."

While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"Today would be nice..."

While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"Things do not happen, they are made to happen."

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"I weep for those under receiving end of this glory."

After receiving a 'favorited' Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"I will cut the legs from under these, dead heads!"

After receiving a 'favorited' Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"I'm coming for them, and Hell's coming with me!"

After receiving a 'favorited' Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Time to de-animate the reanimated!"

After receiving a 'favorited' Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"I've got one word for this: Booya, Reves! Booya!"

After receiving a 'favorited' Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Time to loosin' up on these stiffs!"

After receiving a 'favorited' Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Finally, let's do this!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"This baby's hungry for some hungrys."

After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"It's go-time!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Gimme gimme!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

 _Mystery Box_

"Laugh it up, Chucklebutt."

— When getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box

"Hmm, disturbing."

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Teddy bear, you and me are about to have words."

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"This is not a contribution to the human spirit."

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"A challenge it is then. I'll take it."

— After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"I'm the President of the United States. Open!"

— When trying use the Mystery Box without the needed points.

 _ **Interactive**_

"'Atta boy, Bob!"

— When McNamara gets a headshot.

"Go, Big Mac, go!"

— When McNamara gets a headshot.

"I knew I appointed you for a reason!"

— When McNamara gets a headshot.

"That's how a Sec-Def takes care of business!"

— When McNamara gets a headshot.

"Make 'em bob, Bob!"

— When McNamara gets a headshot.

"B-Mac is kicking rear!"

— When McNamara gets a headshot.

"I got your back, Mac!"

— When McNamara is swarmed.

"Don't let your fears hold you back from hope, Bob!"

— When McNamara is swarmed.

"Hold on Bob, I'm Oscar Mike, er, JFK!"

— When McNamara is swarmed.

"Concentrate all fire on McNamara!"

— When McNamara is swarmed.

"Corral them this way, Bob!"

— When McNamara is swarmed.

"Taking time to enjoy yourself, eh Mac?"

— When McNamara makes a crawler.

"It's the little things, isn't it, Bob?"

— When McNamara makes a crawler.

"You made a crawler, McNamara."

— When McNamara makes a crawler.

"Robert, crawler!"

— When McNamara makes a crawler.

"Sec-Def, you missed some!"

— When McNamara makes a crawler.

"Good job, Bob!"

— When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Wind it up, Big Mac!"

— When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Let fly the monkey of war!"

— When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

"McNamara's got the monkey! Clear out!"

— When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Gonna change your name to Secretary of Primates, buddy!"

— When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Those who dare to fail miserably, can achieve greatly."

— When Castro gets a headshot.

"Oh, look. Fidel's being helpful for a change."

— When Castro gets a headshot.

"Surprised you can hit anything with that much beard, Castro."

— When Castro gets a headshot.

"Great, a headshot. Now try shaving."

— When Castro gets a headshot.

"Tolerance implies no lack of commitment to one's own beliefs."

— When Castro gets a headshot.

"Castro is surrounded, everyone point and laugh!"

— When Castro is swarmed.

"You can do better than that, Castro!"

— When Castro is swarmed.

"You can't stop a handful of zombies? Come on!"

— When Castro is swarmed.

"Those things look like you in 40 years, Castro!"

— When Castro is swarmed.

"Always settling for second, eh, Fidel?"

— When Castro is swarmed.

"We got a crawler on the loose!"

— When Castro makes a crawler.

"And you wonder why you couldn't play ball in the States!"

— When Castro makes a crawler.

"Strike three! You're outta there!"

— When Castro makes a crawler. A reference to an earlier quote.

"How you won a revolution is beyond me!"

— When Castro makes a crawler. A reference to how Castro's quotes often focus around talking about a revolution.

"Maybe we don't need Gitmo after all. Your aim is way off!"

— When Castro makes a crawler. Gitmo is a shorter way of saying Guantanamo Bay.

"Quit smoking stogies and do your job!"

— When Castro makes a crawler.

"Hey, Fido, quit playing with your toys!"

— When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

"At least give it a cigar before you blow it up, Castro!"

— When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Don't put your finger there! That's just disgusting!"

— When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

"It's not a toy Fidel, it's a bomb. USE IT!"

— When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

"It's not a capitalist Castro, you can set it free."

— When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

 ** _Other_**

"The future is not a gift, it is an achievement!"

When getting an achievement.

"Frankly, I'm not use to this kind of manual labour."

When boarding the window.

"Could use a little elbow room here!"

After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"More groaners here than the RNC!"

After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"Huh, I've seen this band...in stink, right!?"

After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"You're all gonna die! Eurgh, AGAIN!"

After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"Where's everyone else? I'm surrounded!"

After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"Could use some backing here!"

After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"Oh, so many shamblers, so little time!"

After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"Argh, hands off the merchandise, lurkers!"

After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"Sorry, uglies. No autograghs today!"

After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"The tide of death ebbs and flows. Right now, IT'S FLOWING!"

After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"Too many hands. Don't wrinkle the suit!"

After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"This was not in the presidential job description!"

— After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"Y...You can only get this close if I get your votes!"

— After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"MOB CONTROL!"

— After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"No pushing! No shoving! Patience is a virtue!"

— After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"Oh, now I get it."

When starting an easter egg song.

"C'mon, I'm good for it!"

— When trying to buy something without requisite points.

"Argh! Just when I thought they couldn't get any uglier."

After noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Argh! Scurrying little basterds!"

After noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Rot!"

After noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Dirt eating fiends!"

After noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Things just get a hell a lot more interesting."

After noticing a Nova Crawler.

"But I want it!"

— When trying to buy something without requisite points.

 ** _Cut_**

"Gotta walk the dog in the park."

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Looks like Dicky Nixon's mutt, Checkers."

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Antihistamine! My nose may run, but I will not!"

— At the start of a Hellhound round

"Sit! Stay! Die!"

— At the start of a Hellhound round

"Good! I hate dogs!"

— After killing a Hellhound

"That's for making me sneeze!"

— After killing a Hellhound

"Defecate in your own yard, you ugly mutt!"

— After killing a Hellhound

"Now, play dead!"

— After killing a Hellhound

 ** _Robert McNamara_**

"There's power nearby, there has to be."

— At the beginning.

"Electricity is required to continue this war."

— At the beginning.

"We must find the switch, if we are to last."

— At the beginning.

 ** _Killing a Zombie_**

"I'm happy to see you die."

— Upon getting a kill.

"Each zombie dead is another man living."

— Upon getting a kill.

"Lesson 2: Rationality will not save you, fellows."

— Upon getting a kill. A reference to the second lesson in The Fog of War.

"Living dead: maybe, but I'll still outlive ya!"

— Upon getting a kill.

"Hands off the Mac, Jack!"

— Upon getting a kill.

"It was...inevitable."

Upon getting a 'close-up' kill.

"Die. Now."

Upon getting a 'close-up' kill.

"Begone, demon."

Upon getting a 'close-up' kill.

"I will give you something to moan about."

Upon getting a 'close-up' kill.

"The closer you get, the better I am."

Upon getting a 'close-up' kill.

"DISMISSED!"

Upon getting a 'close-up' kill.

"No unfinished business on my watch.

Upon killing a crawler.

"Now, it is over."

Upon killing a crawler.

"Now, bring me a real challenge!"

Upon killing a crawler.

"Twice the man for half the beast."

Upon killing a crawler.

"U-S-A! U-S-A!"

— After a knife kill.

"The time is now!"

— After knife kill.

"BIG MAC ATTACK!"

— After a knife kill.

"Death to death!"

— After a knife kill.

"Calculate that, chomper!"

— After a knife kill.

"Dominance!"

— After a knife kill.

"Know the way of all professions."

Upon getting a headshot.

"A great time for the whole family."

Upon getting a headshot.

"An appropriate medicine for the inappropriate aliment.

Upon getting a headshot.

"Patience brings down even the tallest of trees."

Upon getting a headshot.

"Don't lose your head."

Upon getting a headshot.

"You are the sickness, I am the medicine."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"See first with your mind, and then with your eyes."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Remember my favorite Broadway Show: I Dismember Mama!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Take it by that, zombie shit!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"I will give you something to moan about!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Discard what is of no use, SUCH AS YOUR HEAD!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"I SAID DIE!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Show us your insides, devil!"

Upon getting an explosive kill.

"Huh! I made the goop, into goop!"

— Upon getting an explosive kill.

"BOOM! Period!"

— Upon getting an explosive kill.

"Things that go boom, usually die!"

— Upon getting an explosive kill.

"I dub this Op: shock and awe!"

— Upon getting an explosive kill.

"At least have the decency to die!"

Upon spawning a crawler.

"Now you have something to groan about."

Upon spawning a crawler.

"Taste the dust from whence you came."

Upon spawning a crawler.

"Aww, half the zombie it used to be."

Upon spawning a crawler.

"It'll all be over soon!"

Upon spawning a crawler.

"You feel nothing, but the burn's just the same."

Upon getting a kill with the Flamethrower.

"Burn. Period."

Upon getting a kill with the Flamethrower.

"I will scatter your ashes in a septic tank."

Upon getting a kill with the Flamethrower.

"The untouchable can be touched by flame."

Upon getting a kill with the Flamethrower.

"With this, you evil will have no dominion over man!

Upon getting a kill with the Flamethrower.

"Your death creates a nauseating Fog of War!"

— After killing a Nova Crawler, an obvious reference to McNamara's documentary, The Fog of War.

"What hell birth to you, demon!?"

When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Crawl back to your master, devil!"

When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"I will crush you like a bug!"

When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"At least you know your place, you grovelling cur!"

When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"You look like rats breeding and gutters."

When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Woo. They smell worse in death then they do in life."

After killing a Nova Crawler.

"I am done with your insufferable calling."

After killing a Nova Crawler.

"I must stoop low to kill you!"

After killing a Nova Crawler.

"Ha! No dog tag! No dice!"

After killing a Nova Crawler.

"I'm an stone-cold killer."

— Upon getting a kill with the Winter's Howl/Winter's Fury.

"I'll send you in a cooler!"

Upon getting a kill with the Winter's Howl/Winter's Fury.

"Cold, like this swift hand of vengeance!"

Upon getting a kill with the Winter's Howl/Winter's Fury.

"That's the way the ice cube crumbles!"

Upon getting a kill with the Winter's Howl/Winter's Fury.

"You die in ice!"

Upon getting a kill with the Winter's Howl/Winter's Fury.

"Die again, and again, and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Back to hell, demon-spawn!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"This is how one stimulates progress!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Not yet we have a single defense policy: DEATH TO ZOMBIES!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"They didn't call me the whiz-kid for nothing."

— Upon multiple kills.

"Lesson number 8: Be prepared to re-examine your reasoning."

— Upon multiple kills. A reference to his documentary, The Fog of War.

"Really, I have only just begun!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Just another day at the office."

Upon multiple kills.

"Each zombie dead is another man living."

Upon multiple kills.

"YOU'VE BEEN FRIED!"

Upon getting a kill with the Wunderwaffe.

"Shock therapy works every time.

Upon getting a kill with the Wunderwaffe.

"Electric Zack Attack!"

Upon getting a kill with the Wunderwaffe.

"(Sniff) Smells like burn toast!"

Upon getting a kill with the Wunderwaffe.

"Hundred and thirty thousand miles per hour, fifty-four thousand degrees Fahrenheit, a truly effective weapon!"

Upon getting a kill with the Wunderwaffe.

"Now that was a substantial commitment."

Upon getting a kill with the Thundergun.

"The sound of death can be comforting in times like these."

Upon getting a kill with the Thundergun.

"Torn asunder!"

Upon getting a kill with the Thundergun.

"This weapon could make a weaker man lazy."

Upon getting a kill with the Thundergun.

"I could get use to this."

Upon getting a kill with the Thundergun.

"Go monkey, go!"

After using the Monkey Bomb.

"Moronic shamblers will follow anything. Ha!"

After using the Monkey Bomb.

"Never thought a monkey will be our end."

After using the Monkey Bomb.

"Childish but effective."

After using the Monkey Bomb.

"Even I must laugh at that. Ha. Ha."

After using the Monkey Bomb

"Be happy; you have another arm!"

— When destroying a zombie's limb.

"More tender than roast beef."

When destroying a zombie's limb.

"I will chop you up and feed you to the poor."

When destroying a zombie's limb.

"Your tenacity is admirable but feudal."

When destroying a zombie's limb.

"Piece-by-piece you will fall!"

When destroying a zombie's limb.

"I'm putting this gun into service effective immediately!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"This is how I deal with your offensive presence!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"Your evil has been vaporized!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"This weapon has... significant value."

— Upon getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"You have been enumerated zombie!"

— Upon getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

 _ **Being hit by a Zombie**_

"Watch the hair!"

— After being hit by zombie.

"Oh... crawler!"

— When attacked by a crawling zombie.

"Hands off the shoes, meat!"

When attacked by a crawling zombie.

"So be it. I'll just dance a jig on your skulls."

When attacked by a crawling zombie.

"Nixon... you have soiled your pants."

— When attacked by a crawling zombie.

"I...have had...enough. Of. YOU!"

— When attacked by a crawling zombie.

"The probability of you touching me again... is ZERO! Hah!"

— After killing a zombie that attacked him.

"Hands off the Mac, Jack!"

After killing a zombie that attacked him.

"Consider yourself, itemized!

After killing a zombie that attacked him.

"You will pay for that, rot-face!"

— After killing a zombie that attacked him.

 ** _Downed or revived_**

"Lesson 10: Never say never!"

— When downed. Another reference to his documentary, The Fog of War.

"The last stand of McNamara!"

— When downed. Reference to the perk Last Stand.

"Give me a revive! There are too many to handle alone!"

— When downed.

"I'm down!"

— When downed.

"No! It will not end like this!

When downed.

"Give me the shot, dammit!"

— When downed

"No. It is not over yet."

— After being revived.

"I thank you for your support."

— After being revived.

"I am in your debt."

— After being revived.

"Thank you, I will not let you down."

— After being revived.

"*Gasps* Back to the business at hand."

— After being revived.

 ** _Hellhounds_**

(These quotes were to be used as proven in PC audio files until the creation of the Pentagon Thief)

"If the President is allergic to them, then I am too."

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Ugh... Smells worse than a wet dog."

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Here, puppy puppy, I have a treat for you."

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Could use a dog trainer here."

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Uglier than Nixon's dog, Checkers."

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"The President didn't appreciate your canine dander."

— After killing a Hellhound.

"I'm blowing every dog away!"

— After killing a Hellhound.

"Watch it Dick."

— After killing a Hellhound.

"Take that brimstone stink elsewhere, beast!"

— After killing a Hellhound.

"Submit! No dogs allowed."

— After killing a Hellhound.

"There's only one alpha here, and his name is Jack."

— After killing a Hellhound.

"More like Hellpuppies!"

— After killing a Hellhound.

"They fall as easy as their rotting brethren."

After killing a Hellhound.

"Leash gutter and clean up after your dog. AND THEN KILL IT!"

After killing a Hellhound.

"I will use your hides to carpet my den, mongrels!"

— After killing a Hellhound.

"PSA of the day: Spay and neuter your dogs."

— After killing a Hellhound.

 _ **Ammo**_

"Almost out!"

— When low ammo.

"My glass is half-empty. Givve me some rounds!"

When low ammo.

"Sec-Def need re-up. Stat!"

When low ammo.

"Guess I shouldn't have made those budget cuts."

— When low ammo.

"Gimme the ammo, dammit!"

— When low ammo.

"I'm leakin' lead here!"

— When low ammo.

"My accounting suggests that I still need to find some rounds."

— When out of ammo.

"Oh well. So be it."

When out of ammo.

"Guess I should've made those budget cuts."

When out of ammo.

"Zero times two is still zero!"

— When out of ammo.

"No ammo? Time to get dirty..."

— When out of ammo.

 _ **Buying weapons off the wall**_

"Today I hunt death."

— After buying any weapon.

"Line 'em up so I can knock 'em down."

— After buying the M14.

"This 'll do."

— After buying an MP5K.

"SMG! Recommended use, short bursts for maximum elicitation of death."

— After buying a PM63.

"This weapon does not suit my disposition, but it suits the situation."

— After buying an AK-74u.

"Automatic carbine designed to fire pistol cartridges... genius!"

— After buying an MPL.

"Devastation is at hands!"

— After buying an Olympia off the wall.

"In order to do good, you may have to engage in evil."

— After buying a Stakeout.

"Heads will roll."

When buying a Bowie Knife.

"With this, I must immerse myself in this operation."

When buying a Bowie Knife.

"Almost as sharp as my president's wrap here wit."

When buying a Bowie Knife.

"Let's get up close and personal."

When buying a Bowie Knife.

"Good weight. Good balance. Good killing."

When buying a Bowie Knife.

"Damn, my math was wrong!"

— When attempting to buy a weapon without requisite money. Also said when cleaning debris/opening a door without enough money.

 ** _Power-ups_**

"An expediential solution."

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Finally full."

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"I needed that!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"(Relief) Give us time to catch our breath."

Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"If only HUD could be so efficient."

Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"This will help our case indeed."

Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"This will hold them for few seconds."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Yes! Time to resupply!"

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"I calculate success."

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"X times P equals ... more points than Rockefeller!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"Oo... good math!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"Here I come!"

— Upon getting a Insta-Kill power-up.

"It's knife time."

— Upon getting a Insta-Kill power-up.

"Bring on the ghouls!"

Upon getting a Insta-Kill power-up.

"Your burning flesh warms my heart."

— Upon getting a Nuke.

"A cure for the living impaired."

— Upon getting a Nuke.

"The use of nuclear deterrence is approved."

— Upon getting a Nuke.

 ** _Perk-a-Colas_**

"This will enhance my defense capability two-fold."

— Upon buying Juggernog.

"Ugh! Did anyone check the expiration date?"

— Upon buying Quick Revive.

"Whoo, faster reload well worth the money spent!"

— Upon buying Speed Cola.

"Double Tap! *speaks quickly* Increases the fire rate by 30%. Execute."

— Upon buying Double Tap Root Beer.

 ** _Pack-a-Punch_**

"This reminds me of Step 6: Get the data!"

— While waiting for Pack-A-Punch machine. This is one of the lessons shown in the documentary The Fog of War.

"It's better be worth it!"

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"My patience only lasts so long..."

While waiting for Pack-a-Machine.

"This thing takes longer than cutting through red tape."

While waiting for Pack-a-Machine.

"Hurry it up."

While waiting for Pack-a-Machine.

"This weapon is powerful as the United States military!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Ah, well worth the wait."

After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Now this little game ends."

After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Let's make this weapon sing!"

After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"No more Mr. Nice secretary!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon. A possible reference to either one of Richtofen's quotes from Kino Der Toten, or the popular line, "No more Mr. Nice Guy!"

"Gotta send one of these to the USMC."

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

 ** _Mystery Box_**

"This will cut down zombies without question."

— After getting a Commando from Mystery Box.

"This will do nicely."

— After getting a G11 from Mystery Box.

"My appraisal to this weapon is one of approval."

— After getting a Spectre from Mystery Box.

"Seven hundred rounds, two minutes of continuous fire? I approve."

— After getting an HK21 from Mystery Box.

"Precise weapon for a man of precision."

— After getting a Dragunov from Mystery Box.

"This weapon suits my disposition."

— After getting a L96A1 from Mystery Box.

"Perfect for close encounters."

— After getting a SPAS-12 from Mystery Box.

"It's time to fill their bellies with lead!"

— After getting an HS-10 from Mystery Box.

"This is unacceptable!"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"This poorly made weapon requires a memo."

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"I should be insulted, but my utilitarian nature prevents it."

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"The probability of gaining something beneficial is not in my favor."

After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"This weapon statistically is insufficient to the task!"

— After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Two hands plus two guns equals to... four hundred dead Zeds!"

— After getting a Dual-Wielded CZ75 from Mystery Box.

"I feel like a winner now!"

After getting a Dual-Wielded CZ75 from Mystery Box.

"Good thing I'm ambidextrous."

After getting a Dual-Wielded CZ75 from Mystery Box.

"I normally do not stoop to emotional responses but, HELL YEAH!"

After getting a Dual-Wielded CZ75 from Mystery Box.

"Twice the armament is a testament to productivity."

After getting a Dual-Wielded CZ75 from Mystery Box.

"Lesson number 5: Proportionality should be a guideline in war."

— After getting a China Lake from Mystery Box. A reference to his documentary, The Fog of War.

"Efficiency incarnate."

After getting a M72 LAW from the Mystery Box.

"Explosives, approved."

— After getting a Crossbow from Mystery Box.

"Revenge is a dish best served cold."

— After getting a Winter's Howl from the Mystery Box.

"Cool party, huh?"

After getting a Winter's Howl from the Mystery Box.

"I think I'll put'em on ice!"

After getting a Winter's Howl from the Mystery Box.

"This wasn't in the defence budget."

After getting a Winter's Howl from the Mystery Box.

"Pretty and slick. Just like Jack."

After getting a Winter's Howl from the Mystery Box.

"Even a monkey can be of service to this great nation."

After getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"Hey, monkey. You have earned the thanks of a grateful nation."

After getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"Hello, little monkey."

After getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"It's not about the monkey, it's about the bomb."

After getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"A strange effect this device has on the undead."

After getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"Unreal."

After getting a Ray Gun from the Mystery Box.

"The wonders and terrors of science."

After getting a Ray Gun from the Mystery Box.

"A powerful weapon indeed. I must study it further."

After getting a Ray Gun from the Mystery Box.

"Feels like nothing, but it pulses with an exceptional power."

After getting a Ray Gun from the Mystery Box.

"Where have I seen this weapon before?"

— After getting a Ray Gun from the Mystery Box.

"Set. To. Kill."

After getting a Ray Gun from the Mystery Box.

"The slugs will no pain, they will know agony."

After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box.

"Just when I always wanted, vengeance!"

After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box.

"I will bring the lightning of democracy with this."

After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box.

"I will lay WASTE to these hellions!"

After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box.

"This will end the Z War!"

After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box.

"Time for Operation: Thunderbolt!"

After getting a Thunder Gun from the Mystery Box.

"Blood will run this night!"

After getting a Thunder Gun from the Mystery Box.

"What a beauty!"

After getting a Thunder Gun from the Mystery Box.

"I have the tools and I have the talent."

After getting a Thunder Gun from the Mystery Box.

"This will blow the marble eyes right out of their heads!"

After getting a Thunder Gun from the Mystery Box.

"I prefer my meat rare, but I'll make an exception."

After getting a Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"The Horde will burn on mass."

After getting a Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"Maximize efficiency."

After getting a Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"You will know pain. You will know fear. You. Will. Burn."

After getting a Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"If they must maraud, let them do so in fire."

After getting a Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"They will have walk through fire to get to my President."

After getting a Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"Embarrassed by a stuffed toy.(Grunts)"

When getting a Teddy Bear.

"Run if you must, but cannot hide from me, box!"

When getting a Teddy Bear.

"Well as the saying goes: 'all good things...'."

When getting a Teddy Bear.

"Curse this box and curse the child who mocks us!"

When getting a Teddy Bear.

"When I find this box again, I will tear its secrets from its cold dark heart!"

When getting a Teddy Bear.

"Insufficient funds. Well, at least that damnable box won't move just yet."

— When attempting to use the Mystery Box without requisite money.

 _ **Interactive**_

"You're skills in battle are to be envied, Mr. President."

— When Kennedy gets a headshot.

"A fine shot by a fine man!"

— When Kennedy gets a headshot.

"I'll be your wingman anytime!"

— When Kennedy gets a headshot. A Top Gun reference.

"That's it. Never let some force other than reason shape reality."

— When Kennedy gets a headshot.

"I have never seen such precision!"

— When Kennedy gets a headshot.

"Hold 'em off Jack! I'm coming!"

— When Kennedy is swarmed.

"Stay the tide, Mr. President! You can do it!"

— When Kennedy is swarmed.

"Mr. President, watch your six!"

— When Kennedy is swarmed.

"Do it, Jack! Now is the time!"

— When Kennedy is swarmed.

"Show them why you won in 1960!"

— When Kennedy is swarmed. An obvious reference to how Kennedy won the presidential election in 1960.

"Tear them apart, Mr. President!"

— When Kennedy makes a crawler.

"You knock 'em down, I'll sweep 'em up!"

— When Kennedy makes a crawler.

"Finish them, Jack!"

— When Kennedy makes a crawler.

"Show them what a Kennedy is all about!"

— When Kennedy makes a crawler.

"Right on! You jacked their legs!"

— When Kennedy makes a crawler.

"You took the shamble out of the shambler, Mr. President!"

— When Kennedy makes a crawler.

"Jack, that monkey is dangerous!"

— When Kennedy gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Release the monkey, Jack! Quickly!"

— When Kennedy gets the Monkey Bomb.

"You have the luck of the Irish, Mr. President!"

— When Kennedy gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Be careful! That one's loaded!"

— When Kennedy gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Wind it up, Jack! I like it when you dance!"

— When Kennedy gets the Monkey Bomb.

"I think your one-liners made their heads explode, Dick."

— When Nixon gets a headshot.

"Lucky doesn't BEGIN to describe it!"

— When Nixon gets a headshot.

"Nixon, belief and seeing are both wrong. Do it again and I MIGHT be impressed."

— When Nixon gets a headshot.

"Next time, do it on purpose, Dickie Nix."

— When Nixon gets a headshot.

"What, are you inviting them to a tea party, Dick?"

— When Nixon is swarmed.

"It's your whining, Dick, JUST SHUT UP!"

— When Nixon is surrounded by zombies.

"Kill them, Nixon! Don't dance with them!"

— When Nixon is swarmed.

"Clearly, you need help, Nixon!"

— When Nixon is swarmed.

"Nixon, you continue to disappoint!"

— When Nixon is swarmed.

"Efficiency is far from your best quality, Richard."

— When Nixon makes a crawler.

"Stop playing with your food, Dick!"

— When Nixon makes a crawler.

"You call yourself an American?"

— When Nixon makes a crawler.

"Discipline, Dick, DISCIPLINE!"

— When Nixon makes a crawler.

"Making things worse does not make things better!"

— When Nixon makes a crawler.

"Is that monkey your sister, Dick?"

— When Nixon gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Wind it up and hold on to it, Nixon."

— When Nixon gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Detonate it, don't play with it, fool!"

— When Nixon gets the Monkey Bomb.

"(Sighs) Just like a Republican. Afraid to get his hands dirty."

— When Nixon gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Dump the monkey, Dick! You got enough on your hands!"

— When Nixon gets the Monkey Bomb.

 ** _Other_**

"Not enough money? Time to re-examine the budget!"

— When attempting to open a door without requisite points.

"A secret to which I was not privy? Startling..."

When activated an easter egg song.

"The probability of this remaining repaired is next to nil."

When boarding windows.

"I accept this achievement on behalf of my president."

When earning an achievement.

"Damn! My math was wrong!"

When not enough money to buy.

"They swarm like locusts!"

When surrounded by zombies.

"There's too many of them!"

When surrounded by zombies.

"They are coming from all sides!

When surrounded by zombies.

"Could use some supporting FIRE here!"

When surrounded by zombies.

"I am surrounded by rot here!"

When surrounded by zombies.

"The dead tide is ROLLING over here!"

When surrounded by zombies.

"These undead marauders don't QUIT!"

When surrounded by zombies.

"They're everywhere."

When surrounded by zombies.

"Three-hundred and sixty degrees of hungrys! COULD USE SOME HELP!"

When surrounded by zombies.

"You flock like sheep, I am the wolf!"

When surrounded by zombies.

"I can't hold'em off for long!"

When surrounded by zombies.

"Bring it on, beasts!"

When surrounded by zombies.

"You march to your doom, flesh-eaters!"

When surrounded by zombies.

"(Gasp) They're all coming from all directions!"

When surrounded by zombies.

"I'm surrounded! Give me a hand!"

— When surrounded by zombies.

 ** _Richard Nixon_**

"Uh, can we go find the power switch?"

— At the beginning.

 ** _Killing a Zombie_**

"No, you cannot have a hug."

— After killing an approaching zombie.

"Einey Meiney Mieney DIE!"

— When killing zombies.

"One potato, two potato, three potato... BLAM!"

— After killing a zombie.

"America! Hell yes."

— After killing a zombie.

"I've never been a quitter."

— After killing a zombie.

"Zed head's dead!"

— After killing a zombie. A reference to Pulp Fiction.

"Give me what I want!"

— After killing a zombie.

"I want your blood and I want your vote!"

— After killing a zombie.

"That's right, you better die."

— After killing a zombie.

"No Mr. Hippie, I expect you to die."

— After killing a zombie. Reference to the infamous James Bond quote.

"Got your gobble gobble right here freak!"

— After killing a zombie.

"By taking this action, I hope I have hastened the start of healing."

— After killing a zombie.

"If only you had a vote..."

— After killing a zombie.

"Pick that up hippie!"

— After killing a zombie.

"As the hippies say, I come in peace man."

— After killing a zombie.

"WHAT?! WHAT?! Oh, I did that on purpose, okay?"

— When shooting off a zombie's limb."Guh!"

When shooting off a zombie's limb.

"You cannot scratch my back, so I won't scratch yours."

When shooting off a zombie's limb.

"This is getting really frustrating."

When spawning a crawler.

"I justify my actions to no one."

When spawning a crawler.

"My decisions are not subject to questioning my another branch of government."

When spawning a crawler.

"Now that's what I call a bullet sponge."

— After killing a zombie with the Ray Gun.

"Have a blast lurcher! "

— After getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"I'd feel bad for the hippies if they didn't smell so bad."

— After getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"Well this isn't even fair!"

— After getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"Yes! What can't this Ray Gun do?"

— After killing a zombie with the Ray Gun.

"Mwahahahahahah!"

— After killing a zombie with a grenade.

"BOOM! Goes the explosive."

— After killing a zombie with a grenade. Reference to an internet meme in which a newscaster would drop all his lines.

"I did that on purpose. But, but I did."

— After killing a zombie with a grenade.

"Can't you maggots explode a little quietly?"

— After killing a zombie with a grenade."Like politics, what comes up must come down."

After killing a zombie with a grenade.

"Yeah, that's right!"

After killing a zombie with a grenade.

"Ugh, boogie guts all over me."

— After killing a zombie that was close-by.

"That's as close as you get. compadre."

— After killing a zombie that was close-by.

"That's it, you're on Nixon's Blacklist!"

After killing a zombie that was close-by.

"Bless my cotton socks, that's stank."

After killing a zombie that was close-by.

"Do you mind? I'm trying to breathe over here."

After killing a zombie that was close-by.

"Burn, hippie, burn!"

After getting a kill with a Flamethrower.

"Reminds you of home, doesn't it? You pickle hippie fiends!"

After getting a kill with a Flamethrower.

"Roasting Commies!"

After getting a kill with a Flamethrower.

"Thank you for smoking."

After getting a kill with a Flamethrower.

"It's getting hot in here."

After getting a kill with a Flamethrower.

"Okay, okay, too close."

After killing a zombie that was close-by.

"Take no risks, suffer no defeats! Take no risks, win no victories!"

— After killing multiple zombies.

"Killcam! Where's my killcam?!"

— After killing multiple zombies. A reference to the multiplayer first-person shooter game culture.

"Did you see that? Did ya? Anyone? DAMN IT!"

After killing multiple zombies.

"I am that good."

— After killing multiple zombies.

"Yea, yea, I'm good. Tell me something I don't know."

— After killing multiple zombies.

"Shut up! Just shut up!"

— After killing multiple zombies.

"The bloodiest wars in history were fought with buttercups, and hippies!"

After killing multiple zombies.

"Oh look at the filthy carpets."

— After killing multiple zombies.

"Look what you made me do."

— After killing a zombie that just hit him.

"Back to the Ice Age!"

— After hitting a zombie with the Winter's Howl or Winter's Fury.

"I kicked him in his ice hole."

— After hitting a zombie with the Winter's Howl or Winter's Fury.

"I'll send you to a cooler."

After hitting a zombie with the Winter's Howl or Winter's Fury.

"Uh, stay cool, hippies."

After hitting a zombie with the Winter's Howl or Winter's Fury.

"Now that's what I like to see."

After hitting a zombie with the Winter's Howl or Winter's Fury.

"By cross the streams, what of it."

After getting a kill with a Wunderwaffe. Reference to Ghostbusters.

"Not bad, not bad at all."

After getting a kill with a Wunderwaffe.

"(Laughs)Oh, I like this thing."

After getting a kill with a Wunderwaffe.

"It's all over now, baby blue."

After getting a kill with a Wunderwaffe.

"Boom friggin toast!"

After getting a kill with a Wunderwaffe.

"Oh ho ho, well worth the price of admission."

After getting a kill with a Thundergun.

"To hell with ya, you reanimated slime."

After getting a kill with a Thundergun.

"Yeah, now you got something to groan about, stupid hippie."

After getting a kill with a Thundergun.

"Get off of my lawn!"

After getting a kill with a Thundergun.

"I wonder if this is covered by the Second Amendment."

After getting a kill with a Thundergun.

"A war monkey."

After getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"If only a hippie was this useful."

After getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"Stupid hippies will follow anything."

After getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"Hippie see, monkey BOOM!"

After getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"C'mon! You're not dead yet? Really?"

— After hitting a zombie multiple times with a knife.

"Lets cuddle!"

— After killing a zombie with a knife.

"Gotcha!"

— After killing a zombie with a knife.

"Disgusting."

— After killing zombie with a knife.

"I've had it up to "here" with you carpet baggers."

— After killing a crawler.

"Put that on funny pages, ya big joke!"

After killing a crawler.

"I hate aiming so low, it hurts my back."

— After killing a Nova Crawler.

"My lord, they're smell worse than a checker's park."

After killing a Nova Crawler.

"Now that was with my eyes closed."

— Sometimes said when getting a headshot.

"Now come on, you're making a mess."

— Sometimes said when getting a headshot.

"CHA-CHING!"

When getting a headshot.

"Welcome to the gun show!"

When getting a headshot.

"I'd veto your skull if I were president."

When getting a headshot.

"That'll get me some votes."

When getting a headshot.

"No trespassing!"

When getting a headshot.

"Did you get that on record?"

When getting a headshot.

"Aroo!"

— Sometimes said when attacked by zombies/scoring a lot of kills. A reference to TV show Futurama.

 ** _Being hit by a Zombie_**

"No Touchy"

— After a zombie hits him.

"You dare touch a Quaker?"

— After a zombie hits him.

"Get off me you hippie!"

— After a zombie hits him.

"Son, I am sick of this shit!"

— After a crawler hits him.

"Go get a job hippie!"

— After a crawler hits him.

"Hey, hey, hey! These shoes are Italian!"

— After a crawler hits him. A possible reference to Fat Albert.

"Get off my legs!"

— After a crawler hits him.

"Who's got the mukluks? These things are making a mess!"

— After a crawler hits him.

"Richard Nixon is not part of a complete breakfast!"

— Sometimes said after evading a zombie attack.

"Gotta learn how to survive defeat, that's how you develop character"

— Sometimes said after evading a zombie attack.

"Never learn how to accept defeat. *That's* how you develop courage."

— After a near-death experience.

 _ **Hellhounds**_

(These quotes were to be used as proven by PC audio files until the creation of the Pentagon Thief)

"Leave Checkers alone."

— At the start of a Hellhound round. Checkers is Nixon's pet dog.

"No where near as pretty as my boy, Checkers."

At the start of a Hellhound round.

"No where near a pretty as my boy Checkers."

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Sit. Stay! STAY!"

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Let's play fetch... the grenade."

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Who's a good boy!?"

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Boom goes the doggy."

— After killing a Hellhound.

"You ain't got nothing on Checkers!"

— After killing a Hellhound.

"Back to the pit with you!"

— After killing a Hellhound.

"I dropped you like a bad habit!"

— After killing a Hellhound.

"Looks worse than the DMZ"

— After killing a Hellhound.

 ** _Ammo_**

"I will gladly pay you Tuesday for some extra rounds today."

— When running low on ammo. An obvious reference to Popeye.

"Gonna get real intimate if don't find ammo."

— When running low on ammo.

"Pass the ammo please... I said PLEASE!"

— When running low on ammo.

"Ammo anyone? Hello? I am talking here."

— When running low on ammo.

"We'll all die soon if I don't find some rounds!"

— When running low on ammo.

"Damn you hippies, I'm out of ammo!"

— When out of ammo.

"Empty! I am empty, dagnabbit!"

— When out of ammo.

"Who needs ammo when you have looks like mine?"

— When out of ammo.

"And, I'm out!"

— When out of ammo.

"What is this nonsense? Where are my rounds?!"

— When out of ammo.

 ** _Downed or revived_**

"I may be down, but I'm not out!"

— After getting downed.

"I'm not dead! Not yet!"

— After getting downed.

"NOOOO!"

— After getting downed.

"Get your hands off me hippie!"

— After getting downed

"You can't stop Tricky Dick!"

— After getting downed. A reference to the nickname he received by Helen Gahagan Douglas, the Democratic-Republican running against him.

"Avoiding death is not the same as living."

Upon being revived.

"Nixon's back!"

— Upon being revived. A reference to him winning the election on Futurama.

"I'm not finished yet!"

— Upon being revived.

"Meat, is an anagram for team you know."

— Upon being revived.

"A man is not finished when defeated, only when he quits."

— Upon being revived.

 _ **Buying weapons off the wall**_

"Uh, just give me a rifle to kill all the hippies I see!"

— After buying an M14 off the wall.

"I'm gonna love it, and hug it, and call it Checkers!"

— After buying an M14. Checkers is the name of Richard Nixon's Cocker Spaniel. Also a reference to the Looney Toons in which a snow giant, while holding Daffy, exclaims "I will love you, and pet you, and call you George!"

"Let's turn those rotten empty heads inside out."

— After buying an M14 off the wall.

"Perfect! I can keep my distance from this mess."

— After buying an M14.

"Ergh, I get to see the whites of their eyes."

— After buying an M14. This is ironic, however, since the M14 is a long-range weapon and seeing the whites of your opponents eyes refers to getting close to them. Also, zombies do not appear to have white in their eyes, rather glowing yellow. Plus, this quote refers to the famous Revolutionary War quote, "Don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes!"

"Guts will be spilled!"

— After buying an Olympia.

"All right, let's get this over with."

— After buying an Olympia.

"All right, who wants a buckshot rye?"

— After buying a Stakeout.

"People who like this kind of thing will find this as a sort of thing they like."

— After buying an SMG off the wall.

"That's it? Only one?!"

— After buying an SMG off the wall.

"Here comes the 'Nix'!"

— After buying an SMG off the wall.

"Yes, I get it. I have to go fight now!"

— After buying an SMG off the wall.

"Oh, this I can work with."

— After buying an MP5K.

"Now, let's see if you've got any guts."

After purchasing the bowie knife.

"I'll stick it to'em."

After purchasing the bowie knife.

"This will cut through these eyes."

After purchasing the bowie knife.

"Ooh, shiny!"

After purchasing the bowie knife.

"With this, I'm going to gut me some zombies and use their ribcages as hats! ...Actually, that's gross."

— After purchasing the bowie knife.

 _ **Perk-a-Colas**_

"I guess this means I have to help..."

— After drinking Quick Revive.

"Ooh, I feel good now."

— After drinking Juggernog.

"*said fast* I'm not a crook! I'm not a crook! I'm not a crook! I'm not a crook!"

— After drinking Speed Cola. A reference to the Watergate Scandal.

"Double tap? So I can do two phones?"

— After drinking Double Tap Root Beer.

 ** _Power-ups_**

"Who said that?"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"I don't need your stinking points, I need your votes."

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"There's a catch, isn't there?"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"That's it? Max is all I get?"

— After getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"This means I have to keep fighting doesn't it?"

— After getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Die!"

— After getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"Nixon's revenge!"

— After getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"Now we're talking."

— After getting an Insta-Kill power-up or Death Machine power-up.

"Blow it away!"

— After getting a Nuke power-up.

"Nuke-a-da-roo-co"

— After getting a Nuke power-up.

"Nuke-a-doodle-do"

— After getting a Nuke power-up.

"I get it, you love hammers. Shut up, already!"

After getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Keep it down, out there!"

After getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Finally, getting some help around here."

— After getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Keep it down up there!"

— After getting a Carpenter power-up.

"What's with the racket?!"

— After getting a Carpenter power-up.

"OK, maybe we have a few seconds."

— After getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Oh, I'll take it."

— After getting a Fire Sale power-up.

 ** _Pack-a-Punch_**

"This is me waiting... This is me waiting on drugs... HURRY THE FUCK UP!"

— When waiting for Pack-A-Punch machine. Reference to 1980's Presidential Anti-Drug campaign.

"Great Caesar's ghost! This was worth the wait!"

— After getting a weapon from the Pack-a-Punch machine.

"I don't have all day, you stupid machine!"

— While waiting for Pack-a-Punch machine.

"Tick-tock! Tick-tock! Tick-tock! I'm gonna kick you in the *cough*!"

— While waiting for Pack-A-Punch machine.

"Hurry up! Hurry up."

— While waiting for Pack-A-Punch machine.

"This better be good... it cost enough."

— While waiting for Pack-A-Punch machine.

"This is how you pack-a-punch."

— After getting a weapon from the Pack-A-Punch machine.

"Bring on the hippies! The commies! The commies and the hippies! Bah! Both of them!"

— After getting a weapon from the Pack-A-Punch machine.

"It took you long enough damn machine thingy."

— After getting a weapon from the Pack-A-Punch machine.

"I might actually smile...*might*."

— After getting a weapon from the Pack-A-Punch machine.

"Great Caesar's Ghost, this was worth the wait!"

After getting a weapon from the Pack-A-Punch machine.

"That's right...you're going to give me what I want."

— After getting a weapon from the Pack-A-Punch machine.

"Wait what?! I deserve a celebrity discount!"

— When he doesn't have enough money to Pack-a-Punch a weapon.

 ** _Mystery Box_**

"I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! THE ALIENS ARE REAL!"

— Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"Checkmate."

Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"Oh, this oughta be a good time "

Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"Where is this made? I don't trust it."

Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"The greatest honour in history is that a peacemaker...and I hold it now."

Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"Shocking, to say the least."

After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box.

"Well, zap my ass and call me Dick!"

After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box.

"Let there be light!"

After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box.

"Did somebody say juice?"

After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box.

"It's electric! (Singing) De de de de de de de de!

After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box. Reference to the song "Electric Slide" by Neville Livingston.

"Not bad. Not bad at all."

After getting a Thundergun from the Mystery Box.

"Surprisingly light but back is BARKING!"

After getting a Thundergun from the Mystery Box.

"Let's see what everyone's been raving about here."

After getting a Thundergun from the Mystery Box.

"Useful, sure, but it doesn't have to be big."

After getting a Thundergun from the Mystery Box.

"This is gun was made by Commies. I can feel it in my bones."

After getting a Thundergun from the Mystery Box.

"Communists! Open the damn box!"

— Not enough money to buy the Mystery Box.

"I'm being treated like a crook!"

— After getting a CZ75 or a Python from the Mystery Box. A possible reference to the Watergate Scandal.

"This is a conspiracy, I know it!"

After getting a CZ75 or a Python from the Mystery Box.

"Screwed!"

After getting a CZ75 or a Python from the Mystery Box.

"(Mad Grunts)"

After getting a CZ75 or a Python from the Mystery Box.

"I respect you not so you can't possibly rouge my anger."

After getting a CZ75 or a Python from the Mystery Box.

"Two guns, huh? Someone's trying to butter me up."

After getting a duel CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"I do more than I say. Produce more than I promise."

After getting a duel CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Uh, politics would a good business, if it wasn't for the hippies."

After getting a duel CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Duel Wielding Veep coming through!"

After getting a duel CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"My strong point is: performance."

After getting a duel CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"(Singing) Undead roasting on an open fire! (Normal) See? I'm funny!"

After getting a Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"I am not a cook!"

After getting a Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"I love the smell of Flamethrowers in the morning."

After getting a Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"Well, give a fiddle and call me Nero."

After getting a Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"Burn, burn yeah. You're gonna burn."

After getting a Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"I'll burn'em like those hippies burn our flag!"

After getting a Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"This I can work with."

— After getting a Spectre from the Mystery Box.

"This gift better keep on giving!"

— After getting a Galil from the Mystery Box.

"Somebody likes me!...I think."

— After getting a China Lake from the Mystery Box.

"Maybe now they'll believe I'm innocent."

After getting a M72 LAW from the Mystery Box.

"Who's listening now, huh? Nobody, that's who!"

After getting a China Lake from the Mystery Box.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a machine gun. Ho, ho, ho, ya, ya, ya."

After getting the RPK from the Mystery Box.

"Alright, I got a big gun. What do you want in return?"

After getting the HK21 from the Mystery Box.

"I need to speak softly in case the little guy is bugged."

After getting the Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"I don't trust this monkey one bit."

After getting the Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"What're you looking at, monkey!?"

After getting the Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"I need to get rid of the evidence."

After getting the Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"If I wind it, they will calm."

After getting the Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"Uh, good enough, I suppose."

— After getting a Commando from the Mystery Box.

"Uh, stay frosty!"

— After getting the Winter's Howl from the Mystery Box.

"So *ice* to see you."

After getting the Winter's Howl from the Mystery Box.

"Tonight, hell freezes over."

After getting the Winter's Howl from the Mystery Box.

"Time to kick ice!"

After getting the Winter's Howl from the Mystery Box.

"I don't even know what to say."

After getting the Winter's Howl from the Mystery Box.

"Just when I was beginning to like you... "

— After getting the Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Bastard!"

After getting the Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Get back here, you cowardly hunk of wood!"

After getting the Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Solutions are not the answer...Wait a minute, did I miss anything?"

— After getting a Spas-12 from the Mystery Box.

"Damn you, Teddy Bear!"

After getting the Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"What kind of messed up box is this?"

— After getting a Teddy bear.

 ** _Interactive_**

"You are the only Commie who should have the right to bear arms."

— When Castro gets a headshot.

"A little more of that, and I may just kiss you, Comrade."

— When Castro gets a headshot.

"I envy your aim, my Communist friend."

— When Castro gets a headshot.

"Glad you're on my side, Fidel!"

— When Castro gets a headshot.

"Not bad for a pinko Commie."

— When Castro gets a headshot.

"Castro, use that exploding cigar Jack gave you."

— When Castro is swarmed.

"Fidel, watch your six!"

— When Castro is swarmed.

"Hey, Fidel could use a hand or three!"

— When Castro is swarmed.

"Smack 'em with your beard, and burn 'em with your stogie, Fidel!"

— When Castro is swarmed.

"Just hold 'em off for a few more seconds!"

— When Castro is swarmed.

"Take your time, Comrade. I got you covered."

— When Castro makes a crawler.

"You are something else, Castro."

— When Castro makes a crawler.

"Tear 'em up, it's fine. Jack will clean up after."

— When Castro makes a crawler.

"Not bad, Fidel. Not bad at all."

— When Castro makes a crawler.

"You still play baseball? I think you got a future, kid."

— When Castro makes a crawler.

"Atta boy, Castro!"

— When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Commies got all the luck, don't they?"

— When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Now that's a present, Fidel!"

— When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Wind 'er up and let 'er rip, Fidel!"

— When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

"No offense, but you and the monkey kinda look alike."

— When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

"(Sarcastically) Oh yeah. Nice shot Mac."

— When McNamara gets a headshot.

"(Snores) Snore."

— When McNamara gets a headshot.

"Oh, please. I coulda done that in my sleep."

— When McNamara gets a headshot.

"That's the least a Secretary of Defense can do."

— When McNamara gets a headshot.

"And your point is, Secretary McNamara?"

— When McNamara gets a headshot.

"Bon appetit, McNamara!"

— When McNamara is swarmed.

"Why isn't that cute, they wanna hug Bob."

— When McNamara is swarmed.

"Look, Mac, they want their daddy."

— When McNamara is swarmed.

"I would help but...um...I'm resigning."

— When McNamara gets swarmed.

"Where is your President now, Bob?"

— When McNamara is swarmed.

"McNamara can clearly manage just fine alone."

— When McNamara makes a crawler.

"Your ability to make a God-awful mess is truly awe inspiring."

— When McNamara makes a crawler.

"(Sarcastically) When I grow up, I wanna be just like you, Bob."

— When McNamara makes a crawler.

"You'll handle that about as well as the war in Vietnam."

— When McNamara makes a crawler.

"(Sarcastically) Good job, good job, you should do this professionally."

— When McNamara makes a crawler.

"I'd applaud if I wasn't busy cleaning up after you!"

— When McNamara makes a crawler.

"Oh look, a monkey for Jack's monkey. How cute."

— When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Don't just cuddle with it, USE IT!"

— When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Hey, monkey brains, throw the monkey!"

— When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

"I will not call you Big Mac until you use the Monkey Bomb!"

— When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

"I think you cheated, Bob."

— When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

 ** _Other_**

"I KNEW IT! THEY'VE BEEN TAPING ME!"

— When the "Won't Back Down" music easter egg is activated. A reference to Nixon's involvement in the Watergate Scandal.

"Finally recognized for my accolades."

When earned an achievement.

"Building barricades was not on the job description."

When building a barricade.

"Argh, what now? WHAT NOW!?"

When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Like I haven't done enough, I have to deal with this!?"

When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"No. No! No. No, No! NOOO!"

When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Great, just great. It only gets worse for Dick."

When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"I've had it up to here with this shit!"

When noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Argh...Taxing me like a democrat!"

— Not enough money to buy a weapon or barrier.

"Greatness comes only when you're really tested!"

When swarmed by zombies.

"In a crisis, be aware of danger but recognize opportunity."

When swarmed by zombies.

"I got no respect, no respect whatsoever!"

When swarmed by zombies.

"This is no way to treat a public's servant."

When swarmed by zombies.

"A little help? Maybe?"

When swarmed by zombies.

"You're crapping my style here, you ugly mucks!"

When swarmed by zombies.

"Alright, it's a spontaneous outburst. War is subject to advance planning."

When swarmed by zombies.

"Hello!? I'm surrounded here!"

When swarmed by zombies.

"Hey, Jack's the handsome one. Go get him!"

When swarmed by zombies.

"You guys are *really* starting to piss me off!"

When swarmed by zombies.

"Let's say we move from an era of confrontation to one of conversation, huh?"

When swarmed by zombies.

"I don't have time for these shenanigans!"

When swarmed by zombies.

"What do you want from me!?"

When swarmed by zombies.

"I'm not claustrophobic. I'm not claustrophobic."

When swarmed by zombies.

"Okay, I'm really getting annoyed here!"

When swarmed by zombies.

 ** _Fidel Castro_**

"Will someone please find the power?!"

— At the beginning.

"Batteries were clearly not included!"

— At the beginning.

"Ah! Only a capitalist pig nation would deprive their people of power!"

— At the beginning.

 _ **Killing a Zombie**_

"Oh yeah!"

— Upon getting a kill.

"Hahaha! I am closer to heaven than never before!"

— Upon getting a kill.

"No man should live past the time where he begins, to deteriorate!"

— Upon getting a kill.

"I will use your stale skin to wrap my cigars!"

— Upon getting a kill.

"If only I have time, I would piss on your tomb!"

— Upon getting a kill.

"Time to die, zombie putas!"

— Upon getting a kill; "puta" means "whore" in Spanish.

"I'm Fidel Castro and I come to liberate your own death!"

Upon getting a close-up kill.

"Dios Mio!"

Upon getting a close-up kill.

"Come closer. I have have a surprise for you."

Upon getting a close-up kill.

"¡Viva la Revolución!"

— After a knife kill. It means "Long live the Revolution" in Spanish. He also said this in the cutscene.

"For Cuba!"

— After a knife kill.

"History will absolve me!"

After a knife kill.

"Taste my fury!"

— After a knife kill.

"Yaaaah!"

— After a knife kill.

"Destiny!"

— After a knife kill.

"Let that be a lesson to the bourgeois!"

— After an explosive kill.

"They fall as easily as Batista, ha-ha!"

— After an explosive kill. Batista was a Cuban politician who was overthrown by Castro's revolution.

"No escape for those who live like parasites!"

— After an explosive kill.

"BOOM!"

After an explosive kill.

"Let the cursed blood rain!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Half the zombie you use to be, no?"

— After an explosive kill.

"BOOM!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Have a decency to die!"

— After an explosive kill.

"Ha ha ha! You look like my mother's ropa vieja!"

— After an explosive kill. "ropa vieja" means "old cloth" in Spanish, it is a famous cuisine in Latin American countries.

"Just like an lazy American, never finish their job!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Cry Havoc!"

Upon getting a headshot.

"I have faith in a plan of action!"

Upon getting a headshot.

"I have spoken!"

Upon getting a headshot.

"Destiny produces the man of the hour and that man is me!"

Upon getting a headshot.

"Better fix your head up, puta rita!"

Upon getting a headshot.

"I am the rival of the West!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"I will give you a cigar if you weren't obliterated."

Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"Not even Dante can describe the Hell you seen."

Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb. Referring to Dante Alighieri.

"I knew that monkey was good for something."

Upon getting a kill with a Monkey Bomb.

"Eat dirt, dirty capitalista!"

— Upon killing a crawler.

"Die screaming, hell pig!"

Upon killing a crawler.

"At least stand before I kill you!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"Your stink reminds me the 23rd attempt on my life!"

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"Oh.. Argh... Not enough smoke in my cigar to cover that stink! Argh."

— Upon killing a Nova Crawler."You stink of death!"

"(Disgusting Grunts)"

Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"Your stench reminds me of the 23rd attempt of my life."

Upon killing a Nova Crawler.

"Oh ho ho, puff puff gib!"

Upon killing a zombie with a Flamethrower.

"Scream for me!"

Upon killing a zombie with a Flamethrower.

"Your stale skin is like a kinging of the revolution!"

Upon killing a zombie with a Flamethrower.

"Ice to the lines."

Upon killing a zombie with a Winter's Howl.

"It's a cold cold world."

Upon killing a zombie with a Winter's Howl.

"Put'em on ice!"

Upon killing a zombie with a Winter's Howl.

"Crank that up and give it a line."

Upon killing a zombie with a Winter's Howl.

"¡Vete pa'l carajo!"

— Upon multiple kills. "vete pa'l carajo" is a slang for "vete para el carajo" which means "go to hell" in Spanish.

"I am a one man battalion of invincible combatants!"

— Upon multiple kills.

"Even if it takes months, every one of these hell spawns will burn!"

— Upon multiple kills."I bring you greetings of a second death!"

"Aha, a lesson for you diablos!"

— Upon getting multiple kills. ("diablo" means "demon" in Spanish.)

"La revolucion!"

— Upon multiple kills. La revolucion means the revolution.

"I think you lost something, puto le muerte!"

— After destroying a zombie's limb. "Puto le muerte" means "fucking death".

"A True Farewell to Arms. He Ha Ha!"

After destroying a zombie's limb.

"Give a hand, would you? (Laughs)"

After destroying a zombie's limb.

"I would pity you, but it is more fun to *mock* you."

After destroying a zombie's limb.

"Juan! You lost something."

— After destroying a zombie's limb.

"Ah, PATHETIC!"

Upon spawning a crawler.

"Have a decency to die!"

Upon spawning a crawler.

"I can get used this!"

Upon getting a kill with a Wunderwaffe.

"Zap it up!"

Upon getting a kill with a Wunderwaffe.

"Burned by the light of revolucion!"

Upon getting a kill with a Wunderwaffe.

"This is why the revolucion will triumph!"

Upon getting a kill with a Wunderwaffe.

"Compliments of the socialist ideals."

Upon getting a kill with a Wunderwaffe.

"Look at the chain of pain!"

Upon getting a kill with a Wunderwaffe.

"Ah, as big as my ego and just as powerful."

Upon getting a kill with a Thundergun.

"Revolutionary coming through!"

Upon getting a kill with a Thundergun.

"Who's the man!? That would be I, Fidel Castro!"

Upon getting a kill with a Thundergun.

"Battered and splattered!"

Upon getting a kill with a Thundergun.

"As tasty as a Mojito!"

— After getting a kill with the Ray Gun. A Mojito is a Cuban cocktail.

"Better than a perfect game!"

— After getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"Thank you Ray Gun! Thank you for existing!"

— After getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"HA! As advertised! "

— After getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"This weapon can move worlds!"

— After getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

 ** _Being hit by a Zombie_**

"Keep your putrid fingers off my uniform... filthy flesh eaters!"

— Upon getting hit by zombies.

"Touch me again and I will kill you again!"

— Upon getting hit by a zombie.

"This time the revolution is for real!"

— After killing a zombie that recently hit him.

"I dare you to repeat that offer maricón!"

— After killing a zombie that attacked him. "maricón" means "faggot" in Spanish.

"Only I can punish crimes of such magnitude!"

— After killing a zombie that recently injured him.

"Get off of my legs!"

— When hit by a crawler zombie.

"You may sign my boots while you're down there."

When hit by a crawler zombie.

"Pedro, you dare hump my leg!?"

When hit by a crawler zombie.

"Low blow! Ah, you must be a capitalist."

When hit by a crawler zombie.

"Conio!"

When hit by a crawler zombie.

"Come closer, I have a surprise for you!"

— When surrounded.

 ** _Down or revived_**

"Come to me! The revolution dies without Fidel Castro!"

— When downed.

"I will fight as a brace until my last breath!"

— When downed.

"Revive me! My work here is not yet complete!"

— When downed.

"No! The revolution will not end like this!"

When downed.

"You have done a great deed to this day."

Upon being revived.

"(Sigh) The revolution commence your heroism."

Upon being revived.

"Like the revolucion, I will never die!"

— Upon being revived.

"Gracias hermano."

— Upon being revived. "gracias hermano" means "thank you brother" in Spanish.

"Next round of Cuba Libres is on me!"

— Upon being Revived. A Cuba Libre is a type of Cuban beverage.

 ** _Hellhounds_**

(These were to be used as proven by PC audio until the creation of the Pentagon Thief)

"I will wipe you from the face of this earth!"

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"You will die like a capitalist pig!"

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Come to me so that you may receive your treatment."

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"I spit on you dogs."

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Your stench makes my stomach turn."

— At the start of a Hellhound round.

"¡Muérase! ¡Los perros del infierno!"

— After killing a Hellhound (In English, it means "Die! Dogs of Hell!")

"Back to your cage, beast!"

— After killing a Hellhound.

"Your pelt will adorn my walls!"

— After killing a Hellhound.

"Die like the dog you are!"

— After killing a Hellhound. Reference to a similar quote by Nikolai Belinski.

"¡Perro travieso!"

— After killing a Hellhound In English it means "Mischievous dog!".

"Wasted!"

After killing a Hellhound.

"Swipe the way of the wind of Marxism!"

After killing a Hellhound.

"Smokin'!

After killing a Hellhound. Reference to the movie "The Mask".

"I am the true dog whisperer!"

— After killing a Hellhound.

"No bitches would touch me!"

— After killing a Hellhound.

 ** _Ammo_**

"What is this? I'm low on ammo!"

— When low on ammo.

"I'm low on ammo!"

— When low on ammo.

"Capitalists keep ammunition from my hands!"

— When low on ammo.

"What is this? I'm low on ammo!?"

When low on ammo.

"Great Lenin's ghost I'm low on ammo!"

— When low on ammo.

"Lots of ammunition to keep the revolution alive!"

— When low on ammo.

"I demand ammo!"

— When low on ammo.

"Bullets, bullets! My republic for some bullets!"

— When out of ammo. This is a reference to William Shakespeare's play "Richard III".

"There can be no revolution without ammunition!"

— When out of ammo.

"No ammo? Time for a cigar break then!"

— When out of ammo.

"I'm out! Knife work it is then!"

— When out of ammo.

"No more ammo? Fine, I will crush them with my fist!"

— When out of ammo.

 _ **Buying weapons off the wall**_

"I'll prefer to stand a fight but this will suffice!"

— After buying an M14.

"My time is now!"

— After buying an M16.

"Their lessons will be hard, but well deserved."

— After buying an MP5K.

"This is a honor."

— After buying an AK-74u.

"Time for some C.Q.C."

— After buying a PM63 off the wall.

"I love it!"

— After buying an MPL.

"I will spill off the wall."

— {{{2}}}

"Just like the one I keep under my bed!"

— After buying a Stakeout.

"You dare overprice this?!"

— When try to buy a weapon without needed points.

 _ **Power-ups**_

"The revolution will never die now!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"¡Sí sí sí!"

— Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up. "sí" means "yes" in Spanish.

"More better needing bullets!"

Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Double Points? Only a capitalist pig would want more than what he is given."

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"I only accept this rise for the sake of the people."

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"If only I have double the cigars, too!"

— Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"I have time to resupply."

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"That is the time to resupply!"

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Have a moment before they return!"

— Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Faster than a proletarian workforce."

Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Let the wood done its work for a change."

Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"At least I won't get splinters."

Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Damn you Khrushchev for denying me this!"

— Upon getting a Nuke.

"Yuri for devastation!"

— Upon getting a Nuke.

"Burn away the spawns of fuerza negra then!"

— Upon getting a Nuke. "fuerza negra" means "black force" in Spanish, possibly referring to "Black Magic" controlling the zombies.

 ** _Perk-a-Colas_**

"I am a better comrade for this!"

— Upon drinking Quick Revive.

"Hysterical? Neuractic? I am all that ain't more than juggernaut!"

— Upon drinking Juggernog.

"I haven't moved this fast in years!"

— Upon drinking Speed Cola.

"I think I can use this for nuclear business."

— Upon drinking Double Tap Root Beer. A reference to the Cuban Missle Crisis.

 _ **Mystery Box**_

"Let the revolution begin!"

— After getting an AUG from Mystery Box.

"My battle against the unholy is one!"

— After getting a G11 from Mystery Box.

"I will split their skulls and use them for bowl!"

— After getting a Dragunov from the Mystery Box.

"The weapon of a calculating man."

— After getting an L96A1 from the Mystery Box.

"I will not waste a single day for something so just!"

— After getting a SPAS-12 from the Mystery Box.

"Perfect! Those infected-rotters look hungry for them!"

— After getting an HS-10 from the Mystery Box.

"As easy what I needed!"

— After getting a CZ75 from Mystery Box.

"No revolution can be one with a gun like this!"

After getting a CZ75 from Mystery Box.

"Double the pleasure, double the fun!"

— After getting a Dual-Wielded CZ75 from Mystery Box.

"I would wish that I have three arms!"

— After getting a Dual-Wielded CZ75 from Mystery Box.

"Two for the price of one!"

After getting a Dual-Wielded CZ75 from Mystery Box.

"I feel like one of Woo's killers!"

After getting a Dual-Wielded CZ75 from Mystery Box. Referring to John Woo.

"This is an outrage!"

— After getting a Python from the Mystery Box.

"NOOOO!"

After getting a Python from the Mystery Box.

"I smoked cigars bigger than this pea shooter!"

After getting a Python from the Mystery Box.

"Who needs Khrushchev missiles when I have this?"

— After getting an M72 LAW from the Mystery Box. A reference to the Cuban Missle Crisis.

"I will raise this hole to oblivion!"

— After getting a China Lake from the Mystery Box.

"I will burn these capitalist death pigs to *ash*!

After getting a Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"Finally, something to burn hotter than my cigars!"

After getting a Flamethrower from the Mystery Box.

"I will make them colder than a capitalist."

After getting a Winter's Howl from the Mystery Box.

"Freeze the hunger!"

After getting a Winter's Howl from the Mystery Box.

"This monkey will move worlds."

After getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"Oh, this is good. Real good."

After getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"You've come to the right place, Senor Mono."

After getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"(Crying) Oh ho, oh this, this brings a tear to my eye."

After getting a Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box.

"Not for a billion capitalists dollars would I give up this work of art!"

— After getting a Ray Gun from the Mystery Box.

"If only I had this at the Bay of Pigs..."

— After getting a Ray Gun from the Mystery Box.

"Underestimate me now, if you dare!"

After getting a Ray Gun from the Mystery Box.

"I wield this weapon for the people of Cuba!"

After getting a Ray Gun from the Mystery Box.

"This weapon is an honour for Cuba!"

After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box.

"Power like this belongs to the people!"

After getting a Wunderwaffe DG-2 from the Mystery Box.

"This gun arouses my spirit!"

After getting a Thundergun from the Mystery Box.

"I think I love this gun!"

After getting a Thundergun from the Mystery Box.

"I feel more powerful than ever!"

After getting a Thundergun from the Mystery Box.

"No! No, no, nonono, NOOO!"

After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Only a capitalist box would deny me for what rightfully is mine."

After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"You dare mock Fidel Castro, little girl!?"

After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"An act of aggression against Puba!?"

After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"The child who owns this box is raised by capitalist dogs!"

— When trying to open Mystery Box without requisite points.

 ** _Interactive_**

"You remind me of my comrade Che."

— When Nixon gets a headshot.

"Lenin would be pleased!"

— When Nixon gets a headshot.

"Now that's my little Dick!"

— When Nixon gets a headshot.

"Never has the revolution has so much unity, strength, and experience as today."

When Nixon gets a headshot.

"Nothing can stop you now, Nixon."

When Nixon gets a headshot.

"You will awarded the Medal of Cuban Liberation, Dickie."

When Nixon gets a headshot.

"Ah, Dick, you can still draw a crowd!"

— When Nixon is swarmed.

"Until your dying breath, Richard. Fight!"

When Nixon is swarmed.

"I'm coming for you, comrade Nixon!"

When Nixon is swarmed.

"Keep fighting, Dick!"

When Nixon is swarmed.

"Behind you, Dickie! Watch your back!"

When Nixon is swarmed.

"Tear them to pieces!"

— When Nixon makes a crawler.

"I always knew there was a little socialist in you, Dick."

When Nixon is makes a crawler.

"Watch your feet, Dick! Crawler!"

When Nixon is makes a crawler.

"Aww, Dick! You created a crawler!"

When Nixon is makes a crawler.

"It is not yet dead, comrade Nixon!"

When Nixon is makes a crawler.

"Moi bien, brother!"

When Nixon gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Nice pick, Dick."

When Nixon gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Yes, my friend. Now, so those beasts your monkey fury!"

When Nixon gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Ah, Dickie! You are a sneaky sneaky monkey!"

When Nixon gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Hey, I'll trade you a cigar for your monkey, Comrade Nixon."

— When Nixon gets the Monkey Bomb.

"(Spits) Dirty capitalista!"

— When Kennedy gets a headshot.

"(Laughs) Hey Kennedy, you're popular, yeah?"

— When Kennedy is swarmed.

"Heh, is that how you won all your votes?

When Kennedy is swarmed.

"You drink too many Mojitos, Jack. You're getting slow."

When Kennedy is swarmed.

"Where's your secret service capitalistic perro?"

When Kennedy is swarmed. "Perro" means "dog" in Spanish.

"Oh Jack, I really enjoy seeing you swept."

When Kennedy is swarmed.

"You're as worthless as that dictator fiend, Batista!"

When Kennedy makes a crawler.

"Just like a lazy American, never finishes the job!"

When Kennedy makes a crawler.

"Ah, you disappoint me, Jack!"

When Kennedy makes a crawler.

"You idiot! You made a new one!"

— When Kennedy makes a crawler.

"Suprise, suprise, the monkey explodes, like the cigars you have sent me."

— When Kennedy gets the Monkey Bomb.

"For the sake of the revolution, Jack. Use it already!"

When Kennedy gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Hey, hang on to it for a minute and see what happens, Jack."

— When Kennedy gets the Monkey Bomb.

 ** _Pack-a-Punch_**

"I will wait as many days as necessary!"

— When waiting for Pack-a-Punch.

"My patience knows no bounds."

When waiting for Pack-a-Punch.

"Today, tommorrow, or the next. I will take this weapon and wield it with pride!"

When waiting for Pack-a-Punch.

"Socialists requires patience and I can wait for an eternity."

When waiting for Pack-a-Punch.

"*Whistles a tune*"

— When waiting for Pack-a-Punch.

"Ah, like a perfect cigar! Smooth and silky!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Doesn't get any better this!"

After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Perfecto! Perhaps my cigars should get Pack-a-Punched."

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon. "Perfecto" means perfect in Spanish.

"It's play-time!"

— After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

 _ **Other**_

"If I were in Cuba this wouldn't happen!"

— When without enough points to buy something.

"What is this, blasphemy!?"

After noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Disgusting, they scaring the walls like cockroaches!"

After noticing a Nova Crawler.

"I smell rats in the walls!"

After noticing a Nova Crawler.

"Here come the bite size jumpers!"

After noticing a Nova Crawler.

"I do not like the sound of this."

After noticing a Nova Crawler.

"I do not fear manual labour."

When building a barricade.

"Shhh, it's a secret message.

When activated an easter egg song.

"Cuba know no fear and despises deceit!"

When swarmed by zombies.

"Yes, come closer. I have something to show you."

When swarmed by zombies.

"I could feel *oceans* with your infected blood!"

When swarmed by zombies.

"Huh, better move before I'm taking out."

When swarmed by zombies.

"Touch the uniform, I dare you!"

When swarmed by zombies.

"Dearly departed, we are gathered here today."

When swarmed by zombies.

"I don't care how many you are, I will resist and resist with honour!"

When swarmed by zombies.

"You dare surround me!?"

When swarmed by zombies.

"The dead tide rises and only I can break their deathly ways!"

When swarmed by zombies.

"Surround me if you must, I kill you!"

When swarmed by zombies.

"That's right, come to Papi!"

When swarmed by zombies.

"You didn't bring enough guys, death pigs!"

When swarmed by zombies.

"You will NOT have my cigars!"

When swarmed by zombies.

"Ladrón capitalista!"

— When without enough points to buy something. "ladrón capitalista" means "capitalist thief" in Spanish.

 ** _Female Announcer_**

"Power level critical. Major systems offline."

— At the start of a game.

"Level 1, main floor."

— When taking the elevator to the first floor.

"Level 2, war room."

— When taking the elevator to the second floor.

"Level 3, laboratories."

— When taking the elevator to the third floor.

"Power restored. We are now at death-con 1. Security lockdown active."

— When a player turns on the power.

"Warning, breach detected on level one. Initiating security protocol 115."

— On a Pentagon Thief round if the player is on the first floor.

"Warning, breach detected on level two. Initiating security protocol 115."

— On a Pentagon Thief round if the player is on the second floor.

"Warning, breach detected on level three. Initiating security protocol 115."

— On a Pentagon Thief round if the player is on the third floor.

"Attention, containment successful, system monitoring will remain on alert status."

— If the Pentagon Thief successfully escapes.

"Attention, containment failure, system monitoring will remain on alert status."

— If the Pentagon Thief fails to escape.

"We are now at death-con 2."

— When 1 death-con switch is used.

"We are now at death-con 3."

— When 2 death-con switches are used.

"We are now at death-con 4."

— When 3 death-con switches are used.

"Attention. We are now at death-con 5. Security lockdown lifted."

— When all 4 DEFCON switches are used.

"Attention. We are now at death-con 1. Security lockdown active."

— When the players leave the Pack-a-Punch room and the DEFCON level is reset.

 ** _Trivia_**

PC game files reveal recorded quotes from all four characters making references to the Wunderwaffe DG-2, the Thundergun, Hellhounds, and the Flamethrower as its own weapon.


	6. Mob Of The Dead

Why Mob Of The Dead first instead of Tranzit? Because MOTD is my favorite map, and it's quotes are deep.

Enjoy . . .

* * *

 ** _Salvatore DeLuca_**

 ** _Zombies_**

"Who the fuck do you think you are? Puttin' your filthy paws on me!"

— After killing a zombie that hurt him

"Forgiveness ain't in my vocabulary."

— After killing a zombie that hurt him

"Damn, that was fucking loud. My ears are ringing like a church bell."

— After getting an explosive kill

"Damn! It's fuckin' messin' em all over the fuckin' show!"

— After getting a grenade kill

"You're a dead piece a shit now!"

— After killing a zombie that hurt him

"Too close motherfucker, way too close."

— After getting a knife kill

"Have I made myself clear?"

— After killing a zombie that hurt him

"Some folks gotta learn the hard way!"

— After killing a zombie that hurt him

"Shoulda just walked the otha way."

— After killing multiple zombies

"You was askin' for it greaseball!"

— After killing a zombie that hurt him

"I gotta few words for you: Go to hell!"

— After killing multiple zombies

"You're fuckin' busted ya piece a shit!"

— After killing a zombie with a headshot

"You learned your lesson? Don't matter now, you ain't got no head!"

— After killing a zombie with a headshot

"Go to hell and stay there!"

— After killing multiple zombies

"I need to get off this damn rock."

— After killing multiple zombies

"Bring it on you fucks!"

— After killing multiple zombies

"Hey, why don't you put all yourselves in a group? Save me some time!"

— After killing multiple zombies

"You like that? Huh? Did ya fuckin' like that?! Cos I fuckin' did!"

— After killing a zombie with a headshot

"This ain't gonna end well, believe me."

— When being swarmed by zombies

"You ain't putting me into ground."

— When being swarmed by zombies

"You just keep comin', don't ya!"

— When being swarmed by zombies

"Fuck! There sure is a lot of you!"

— When being swarmed by zombies

"Damn! You bastards been breeding?!"

— When being swarmed by zombies

"Let's do it, come on!"

— When being swarmed by zombies

"Where the hell is everybody? I'm pissing in the wind here!"

— When being swarmed by zombies

 _ **Discovering/finding something**_

"Look at this, locations marked on a map of the fuckin' prison."

— After spotting the map in the starting room

"Are these things like a, a way into another world?"

— After spotting the power box that sends the player into Afterlife for the first time

"Hey man, crazy as it sounds, I think we can use these switches to get outta our bodies."

— After spotting the power box that sends the player into Afterlife for the first time

"There's like a, weird lookin' holes in some of the walls!"

— After finding a doorway in Afterlife for the first time

"I think there's shit we can do when were floatin' around like that."

— After finding a doorway in Afterlife for the first time

"Anyone else notice the portal thing?"

— After reviving himself for the first time

"What the hell is a fuckin' wolf doin' on the wall?"

— After finding Cerberus for the first time

"Look at the fuckin' wolf! What's it doin'? Does it need somethin'?"

— After feeding Cerberus

"What? Looks like the dog's wandered off!"

— After sufficiently feeding Cerberus

"We have the key, so let's get on with the fuckin' plan!"

— After receiving the Warden's Key

"Alright then, we got the key!"

— After receiving the Warden's Key

"Hey guys, I found the oxygen tanks."

— After finding the oxygen tank plane part

"Your boys did good Handsome, it was just where they said it would be."

— After finding the rigging plane part

"We got the sheets! Time to move on."

— After finding the uniform plane part

"Found the engine. Damn, this thing is heavy!"

— After finding the engine plane part

"Hey, I found the control valves."

— After finding the control valve plane part

"Keep it up, we're almost done."

— After finding four plane parts

"Got a fuel can!"

— After finding a fuel canister

"We're cooking now! I found another fuel can!"

— After finding a fuel canister

"Looks like part of some kinda machine."

— After finding an Acid Gat part

"Hey Weasel, what did you say this thing was?"

— After finding an Acid Gat part

"Looks like part of some machine."

— After finding an Acid Gat part

"You said we need this thing to make a shield, right Weasel?"

— After finding a Zombie Shield part

"I don't know what it is but it's somethin'."

— After finding a part for a buildable

"I know I need this. How I know? I don't know."

— After finding a part for a buildable

"We got shields guys, come grab one."

— After building the Zombie Shield

"Now what I need is one of those goofy guns."

— After building the Acid Gat Kit

"Guys! I found somethin'!"

— After retrieving a blue skull with the Hell's Retriever

"Woohoo! We're gonna need this!"

— After retrieving a blue skull with the Hell's Retriever

"What is this about?"

— After retrieving a blue skull with the Hell's Retriever

"Looks like just what we were looking for."

— After retrieving a blue skull with the Hell's Retriever

 ** _Weapons_**

"What the fuck?! A gun just appeared right outta that chalk drawin'!"

— After buying an off-wall weapon for the first time

"C'mon c'mon, hurry it up! I aint got time to fuck around with the box."

— After buying an off-wall weapon

"From the chalk outline, a real shooter, I ain't even gonna ask how."

— After buying an off-wall weapon

"Gimme that!"

— After buying a gun off the wall

"Ammo's almost gone!"

— When running low on ammo

"I'm burnin' through ammo!"

— When running low on ammo

"I only gotta few rounds left."

— When running low on ammo

"No ammo? That's just fuckin' great."

— When out of ammo

"Shit! No bullets!"

— When out of ammo

"I really need some lead!"

— When out of ammo

"Shit! Shoulda saved the last one for myself!"

— When out of ammo

"I'm all out! This is not good."

— When out of ammo

"This is the fuckin' business!"

— After killing zombies with the Death Machine

"Oh yeah! I can see why they call this the Death Machine."

— After killing zombies with the Death Machine

"Think you stand a chance? You thought wrong!"

— After killing zombies with the Death Machine

"Keep comin'! I'm ready for ya!"

— After killing zombies with the Death Machine

"You ain't got nothin' on this!"

— After killing zombies with the Death Machine

"Your fuckin' goose, just got cooked!"

— After killing a zombie with the Ray Gun

"You got burned bad!"

— After killing a zombie with the Ray Gun

"Now this, is a grade-A killing machine."

— After killing zombies with the Ray Gun

"That fried up your ass, didn't it?"

— After killing a zombie with the Ray Gun

"Nice fucking killing! Now come to papi!"

— After killing many zombies with Hell's Retriever

"I'm dragging you all to hell!"

— After killing many zombies with Hell's Retriever

"Haha, hey, you got fucking boomeranged, bitch!"

— After killing many zombies with Hell's Retriever

"It's pain-day freaks! You're all invited."

— After killing many zombies with Hell's Retriever

"That one knocked out your teeth!"

— After killing many zombies with Hell's Retriever

"Oh, I like this shit!"

— After killing many zombies with Hell's Retriever

"Oh, man! Weasel wasn't kidding about this Blundergat thing!"

— After killing many zombies with Blundergat

"Fuck you, and fuck your fucking kind!"

— After killing many zombies with Blundergat

 ** _Mystery Box_**

"Holy fuck! This thing looks like a fuckin' coffin or somethin'!"

— After finding the Mystery Box for the first time

"I'd rather have somethin' that can spit out a shit ton of lead."

— After receiving a semi-automatic weapon from the Mystery Box

"Remember the turf wars of '22? Having a 12 gauge like this saved my behind more than once."

— After receiving an FAL

"Oh! Come to papi!"

— After receiving a good weapon from the Mystery Box

"Now this is a long-ass rifle. Don't see this being much use."

— After receiving a sniper rifle from the Mystery Box

"Hey, at least I won't get blood and shit on me if I keep my distance."

— After receiving a sniper rifle from the Mystery Box

"This thing looks like something out of The Weasel's comic books."

— After receiving the Ray Gun from the Mystery Box

"Somehow I just know this l'il baby packs a wallop."

— After receiving the Ray Gun from the Mystery Box

"There's two things I like my hands on - boobs and shooters!"

— After receiving Dual Wield Five Sevens

"Sweet looking pistol! Does it come fully loaded?"

— After receiving the Executioner

"This sure is the beefiest Tommy Gun I ever lay eyes on."

— After receiving the Death Machine

 _ **Power-ups**_

"Double points? This ain't a fuckin' game!"

— After getting a Double Points

"Now's our chance to make some serious dough."

— After getting a Double Points

"Let's do it."

— After getting a Double Points

"Bring it on!"

— After getting an Insta-Kill

"Alright goofballs. You're in deep shit now!"

— After getting an Insta-Kill

"Get down, stay down!"

— After getting an Insta-Kill

"Let's take it to 'em!"

— After getting an Insta-Kill

"Fuckin' aces, that's just what the doctor ordered!"

— After getting a Nuke. A reference to a similar quote by Nikolai Belinski.

"Holy shit! Was that dynamite?"

— After getting a Nuke

"Looks like we just bought ourselves some time."

— After getting a Nuke

"This is some crazy shit, but I ain't gonna complain."

— After getting a Max Ammo

"We just got loaded up guys."

— After getting a Max Ammo

"Let's make these bullets count guys."

— After getting a Max Ammo

"'Ey, I ain't gonna turn down free stuff."

— After getting a Fire Sale

"I'mma walk right through you muthafuckas!"

— After killing a zombie during Insta-Kill

"Outta my fuckin' way!"

— After killing a zombie during Insta-Kill

"Get down! Stay down!"

— After killing a zombie during Insta-Kill

"You shoulda stayed dead!"

— After killing a zombie during Insta-Kill

 ** _Perk-a-Cola_**

"Sure leaves a nasty aftertaste!"

— After drinking a Perk-a-Cola

"Who the fuck made all these things? That's what I wanna know."

— After drinking a Perk-a-Cola

"Uh, this shit better not be poisonous."

— After drinking a Perk-a-Cola

"Good thing I ain't drinking this for the taste."

— After drinking a Perk-a-Cola

"Hope this works better than it tastes."

— After drinking a Perk-a-Cola

"Ahh, I needed that. Can't even remember when I last tasted one!"

— After drinking a Perk-a-Cola

 ** _Miscellaneous_**

"Shit... I was outta my body! Lookin' down! Am I dead already? Guys! Where the fuck are you? You here?! Shit. I gotta get outta here. Gotta find the parts for the escape plan!"

— At the beginning of the match (in solo)

"So I guess I'll need to go find the key."

— After attempting to open something requiring the Warden's Key without it

"Look,those goons are protecting him!"

— When attempting to kill Arlington.

"You need to see the color of my money?"

— After attempting to open a door without sufficient points

"Are we forgetting something?"

— After finding all the plane parts but not having built it

"This thing better make it off the ground, Weasel."

— After building the plane

"Get on, c'mon, c'mon, everyone, let's go!"

— After boarding the plane

"Let's get the hell off here, now!"

— After boarding the plane

"Hahaha, we're home free boys!"

— After the plane takes off

"Hold tight, we're flying into a storm!"

— When the plane is in the air

"I got it now, Weasel. I know what you did. You slipped something into my food, something to make me hallucinate all this! What I don't know, is why. Yeah, I get it Weasel. You can be damn sure you'll get it too, soon as I wake up."

— After landing on the bridge

"So this is my punchline. The universe taking its grand revenge for all my misdeeds. Well, I ain't taking it. You hear me? I ain't playing anymore. I don't regret a damn thing. If I had my time over, I'd do it all again. Every fucking part of it. So universe, you wanna know what I think? I think, you can go fuck yourself!"

— After landing on the bridge

"All of that for nothing? I am done with this stuff! You hear me? I'm done. I don't know what the fuck was going on, but I ain't playing no more. Either wake me up, or just fucking kill me already! You hear me?! I'm done!"

— After landing on the bridge

"Fuuuuuck! What do you want from me, huh? I don't know, don't know, is this it? Is this all there is? I escape, but then I don't escape? Somebody, am I supposed to learn something from all this? Answer me, damn you!"

— After landing on the bridge

"This'll hold 'em for a while."

— After repairing a barricade

"Let's get this shit boarded up."

— After repairing a barricade

"Here we go!"

— After activating the gondola

"Let's get this fucking gondola movin'!"

— After activating the gondola

"What... the fuck... is that?"

— After Brutus spawns

"You hear some of that stuff that thing's saying? I think it's Ferguson!"

— When being chased by Brutus

"Fuck! That thing's heavy!"

— When being chased by Brutus

"Get the fuck outta here! Fucking wicked witch of the fucking west!"

— After killing Brutus

"Get outta here!"

— After killing Brutus

"I say we let this thing take a l'il heat off us."

— After activating the tower trap

"Did we try this thing before?"

— After activating the tower trap

"Where the hell is this music coming from?"

— After activating the Rusty Cage song

"This is no Rusty Cage!"

— After Johnny Cash says 'rusty cage' in the song

"Those monsters are on the bridge too!"

— After zombies begin to spawn on the Golden Gate Bridge

"Don't look like any shooter I ever seen."

— After upgrading a weapon

"What the fuck is this?"

— After the electric chairs spawn

"Okay, c'mon!"

— After sitting on the electric chair

"Did something happen?"

— After completing a whole round on the bridge after round 15

"You know what greed can do. They'll fight like rats."

— Talking to himself

"Either wake me up, or just fuckin' kill me already!"

— Talking to himself

"What's the matter? You can't escape your own guilt? Do you feel it, deep down, nagging, eating away at you? Is that really what you want? What do you think will be waiting for you when you get out, Sal? You think the city will be just as you left it? Can you trust your tenants to keep order? To keep peace? You know the answer to that, don't you Sal? You know human nature, you know what greed can do. They'll fight like rats, over every scrap of turf, every nickel and dime. The only thing waiting for you is chaos, is that really what you want? "

— Talking to himself (whilst downed)

"You worked hard to get where you were, Sal. All those years, pulling and pushing those guys into shape, teaching them the value of respect. You had to kiss-ass to all those creeps at city hall, Mayor's office, and worst of all, Chicago's finest. They were all too happy to take your money. Kickback after kickback, bribe after bribe. Where were they when you really needed them? You worked hard to get where you were, Sal. But that was the outside. Where you were. It ain't where you are now."

— Talking to himself

 ** _F_** _ **inn O'Leary**_

 ** _Beginning of the Match_**

"*Heavy breathing* What the fuck is goin' on? Where is everybody? Am I the only one here? Well fuck 'em. 'Cause I'm gettin' out. Even if I have to build that fuckin' plane by myself!"

— After reviving yourself in Afterlife Mode at the beginning of the match on solo.

 _ **Zombies**_

"Who said you were invited for fuckin' supper?"

— When killing a zombie with a knife.

"Take my advice and don't gamble what you can't afford to lose!"

— When killing a zombie with a knife.

"So it's a fight you want eh?"

— When surrounded by zombies.

"Keep your crusty mitts away from me!"

— After killing a zombie that had recently attacked.

"You're not givin' me any fuckin' love bites!"

— After killing a zombie that had recently attacked.

"You backed the wrong horse fucker!"

— After killing a zombie that had recently attacked.

"I'm only finishin' what you started!"

— After killing a zombie that had recently attacked.

"They just drop like a sack'a spuds."

— After killing multiple zombies.

"Didn't I tell ya to go blow your head?"

— After killing a zombie with the ray gun.

"Whatever this thing shoots, it ain't bullets."

— After killing a zombie with the Ray Gun.

"Whatever you wanna say you can take it to the grave!"

— After killing multiple zombies.

"You can kiss my Irish ass!"

— After killing multiple zombies.

"Stop makin' so much noise, Stumpy."

— After making a crawler.

"Well that took out a few."

— When killing zombies with the Acid Gat.

"I don't think they'll be much left when the smoke clears."

— When getting an explosive kill.

"I bet you wont do that again."

— After killing a zombie that recently attacked.

"How'd ya like that one?"

— After killing a zombie with a headshot.

"Friend of mine in Boston had a saying:"Kill one, scare a thousand.""

— After killing multiple zombies.

"I've gotten myself in a jam, brothers!"

— When surrounded by zombies.

"You understand I'm in a mean mood, don'tcha?"

— After killing multiple zombies.

"You picked the wrong fight today."

— After killing a zombie that recently done damage.

"Sal! Billy! Where the fuck are you?"

— When surrounded by zombies.

"Didn't I tell ya to clear off?"

— After killing a zombie with a headshot.

"You got a big hole in your head, and it's not your mouth."

— After killing a zombie with a headshot.

 ** _Weapons_**

"Well that's a new one on me."

— After buying an off-wall weapon for the first time.

"I could fuck around with that box... but better the devil you know."

— After buying an off-wall weapon.

"I ain't got a fuckin' single bullet!"

— When out of ammo.

"I only got a few rounds!"

— When running low on ammo.

"I'm sick of losing money on the box,I'll just take this!"

— After buying an off-wall weapon.

"I'm low on lead!"

— When running low on ammo.

"Keep 'em off of me! I'm all out!"

— When out of ammo.

"I can't shoot without slugs!"

— When out of ammo.

"Ah shit, i got no ammo!"

— When out of ammo.

 _ **Power-ups**_

"I think the odds are starting to move in our favor."

— After getting a double points.

"That was a fuckin' blast and then some more!"

— After getting a nuke.

"That's a fantastic payday."

— After getting a max ammo.

"Who's gonna give up the chance to double their money?"

— After getting a double points.

"Never hurt to have a li'l luck on your side."

— After getting an insta-kill.

"Wow, looks like we have a winner."

— After getting a double points.

"That damn near took off the roof!"

— After getting a nuke.

"Magic bullets? Sure, I'll take your magic bullets."

— After getting a max ammo

"Now's a good time to pick a fight."

— After getting an insta-kill.

"Oh fuckin' hell! that was a big one!"

— After receiving a nuke.

 _ **Mystery Box**_

"There's a weird fuckin' box in here... should we bust it open?"

— After seeing the mystery box for the first time.

"So.. You think I dont know a fucking scam when I see it?"

— When getting the padlock from the box

"A machine gun? ain't that sweet... thought you were gonna screw me over for sure."

— After getting a machine gun from the box.

"I'll just take this here and phase them all over the fucking wall."

— After getting an Assault Rifle from the box.

"Well well... this looks a bit special."

— After getting the Ray Gun from the box.

"Looks like I just rolled snake eyes."

— After getting the padlock from the mystery box.

"A man of my taste and experience knows how to appreciate something like this."

— After getting a machine gun from the box.

"I like what I see...keep it up,box."

— After receiving the Blundergat from the box.

"Now this... Is a fine looking machine gun."

— After getting a machine gun from the box.

 _ **Miscellaneous**_

"Does anyone else remember planting this here?"

— After spotting the map of the island and list of plane parts on the wall in the starting room.

"Did I grab one of these before? What happened?"

— After spotting the power box that sends the player into Afterlife Mode for the first time.

"Look who's hanging around with the Weasel!"

— When Attempting to kill Arlington

"There was a doorway of some kind! I can't find it now!"

— After finding a doorway in Afterlife Mode for the first time.

"I don't expect that'll keep 'em for long."

— When repairing a barricade.

"The Irish built half this fucking country, anyway."

— When repairing a barricade.

"This is fuckin' creepy shit... there's like, holes in the walls."

— After finding a doorway in Afterlife Mode for the first time.

"Check out that big fuckin' dog! This place is getting weirder by the minute."

— After seeing Cerberus for the first time.

"Unless its snappin' at us, who gives a fuck about what the wolf's doin'?"

— when feeding Cerberus.

"WHICH ONE OF US IS STEERIN' THIS THING?!"

— When boarding the Icarus.

"This is all just a game isn't it? A big, twisted, fucked-up game. What am I supposed to do, come to some great realization about my life? Throw myself to the ground, beg for forgiveness? Well I got news for you, not gonna happen."

— When arriving on the bridge.

"It can't end like this every time! What the hell did I do wrong? There has to be a way to break the cycle! How do I do this right? What the hell do you want from me?!"

— After arriving on the bridge.

"Guess if you wanna check out, you do it here."

— After spotting the power box that sends the player into Afterlife Mode for the first time.

"That doesn't sound good."

— After Brutus spawns.

"Hey, I found the sheets guys."

— After picking up the uniform plane part.

"It's time to go!"

— After activating the gondola.

"Well... that went assways from sunday."

— After being revived.

"A few more parts, and we should have somethin' useful."

— After finding two parts for a buildable.

"Aaaaaww hell! AAAAAAAH!"

— After crashing into the Golden Gate Bridge.

"I'LL SEE YOU ALL, IN HELL!"

— After sitting in the electric chair.

"Hey guys! I found us the key."

— After locating the warden's key.

"Maybe this is part of that machine that Weasel was gabbin' about."

— After finding a part for a buildable.

"We should find the other parts, work out what the fuck this is."

— After finding a part for a buildable.

"Is there a point to all that?"

— After Cerberus has left.

"Okay! We got a fuel can!"

— After picking up a fuel canister.

"Got another fuel can!"

— After picking up a fuel canister.

"We should take this to a workbench, see what we can throw together."

— After finding a part for a buildable.

"It's payday boys! We all get a shield!"

— After crafting the zombie shield.

"Don't tell me I don't have dough."

— Trying to buy something without sufficient points.

"What you expect me to do? Find a loan shark?"

— Trying to buy something without sufficient points.

"You want sugar..? I don't have it."

— Trying to buy something without sufficient points.

"Alright! This should keep those fuckin crusties off my back for a bit!"

— When obtaining the Zombie Shield.

"Everything here...it's just a numbers game isn't it Finn? Just like...back outside. All those years at the track waitin' til' the last second before you layed down the cash that would swing the odds in your favor. Everytime you took it right down to the wire. Your used to takin' chances, aren't you Finn? There's nothin' like it either. What now though? Ain't no playback operations gonna change the odds here. Are you still a bettin' man Finn? Wanna bet on how all this will end? "

— Talking to himself.

"It's always the danes, isn't it Finn. It's like they gotta fuckin' sixth sense that leads them right into your blind spot. Angela...how fuckin' stupid can you get. She was an actress Finn, sayin' things she didn't mean was a way of life to her. She never loved you, she was only interested what you could do for her. Not only did you marry her, but you let her know the ins and outs of your business. You shared details Finn, you shoulda known better, secrets are there for a reason pal."

— Talking to himself.

 _ **Perk-a-Cola**_

"Well ya know us Irish...we never turn down a drink."

— After drinking a perk-a-cola.

"I'll drink to our victory."

— After drinking a perk-a-cola.

"Mmm... this is better than the first one from the batch in the first still."

— After drinking an perk-a-cola.

 ** _Albert Arlington_**

 ** _Beginning of the Match_**

"*Heavy breathing* Oh no, oh no, oh, what's happening? Slow down Albert, just take a deep breath...They're gone, the others are gone...They left without me!"

— After reviving yourself in Afterlife Mode at the beginning of the match (Solo)

 _ **Zombies**_

"Five, six, seven, nobody's goin' to heaven"

— When killing multiple zombies

"Any more of you crazy bastards want to see how this feels?"

— When killing multiple zombies

"It was either you or me!"

— When killing multiple zombies.

"Don't be surprised! It's just another massacre!"

— When killing multiple zombies.

"Stop looking for me! 'Cause all you're gonna find, is death!"

— When multiple zombies.

"You started it and if it wasn't you, somebody sure did!"

— After killing a zombie that recently attacked.

"I believe in an eye for an eye!"

— After killing a zombie that recently attacked.

"Hey! didn't you get the memo? I'm a dangerous little prick!"

— After killing a zombie with the Hell's Retriever.

"I may actually live to see morning!"

— After killing many zombies (a reference to Robert Englund's quote in Call of the Dead).

"Just like in my outer space adventure comics"

— Said after killing a zombie with the Ray Gun. Arlington's outer space adventures may relate to Moon.

"Nikolai. Nikolai. Nikolai. Nikolai. Why do I keep hearing that name?"

— When killing zombies with the Ray Gun.

"It kills then it comes right back!"

— When killing multiple zombies with the Hell's Retriever

"How'd you like the redeemer?!"

— When killing zombies with the upgraded Hell's Retriever

 ** _Weapons_**

"I'm almost out of lead!"

— When running low on ammo.

"Gettin' low on ammo!"

— When running low on ammo.

"Gonna need an ammo drop real fuckin' soon!"

— When running low on ammo.

"Gettin' low on rounds!"

— When running low on ammo.

"Need ammo! Like yesterday!"

— When out of ammo.

"Shooters are dry!"

— When out of ammo.

"Empty! Not just my guns, everything!"

— When out of ammo.

"That's it! I'm all out!"

— When out of ammo.

"If bullets were water I'd be begging for rain!"

— When out of ammo.

"I wish I could say it was fun while it lasted!"

— When out of ammo.

"This'll all be over soon unless I get some slugs!"

— When out of ammo.

"Hey guys, you wanna bag a nice shooter? Look for the chalk outline on the wall."

— Upon purchasing a weapon.

"Oh well...that's the way the money goes."

— Upon purchasing a weapon. Also a line in the nursery rhyme "Pop Goes the Weasel", which Mob of the Dead's easter egg takes its name from.

 _ **Power-ups**_

"And once again we get thrown another little ray of hope."

— When getting a double points.

"It's like they all got switched off!"

— When getting a nuke.

"Again with the money? Whaaaat, how?"

— When getting a double points.

"We have the upper hand but trust me, not gonna last."

— When getting a insta-kill.

"I think I got some new-found energy!"

— When killing zombies on insta-kill.

"As if by magic, we all reload."

— When getting a max ammo.

"Now would be a good time to start makin' some progress!"

— When receiving an insta-kill.

"Just what we needed! Or did we?"

— After receiving a max ammo.

"I am almost invincible! Almost, not quite."

— After obtaining a insta-kill.

"Just when we needed it! Or did we?"

— After obtaining a max ammo.

 ** _Mystery Box_**

"I've seen this box before... gives you weapons, like a slot machine..."

— When finding the mystery box for the first time.

"Next time I want the ray gun, remember that okay?"

— After getting the Blundergat from the box.

"As long as you keep giving weapons like this, then everything's great."

— After getting a good gun from the box.

"Just what exactly is your beef with me?"

— After getting a bad gun from the box.

"Look what I got, a nice new MG. Gotta keep tryin'!"

— After getting a machine gun from the box.

"This'll keep me in the fight a li'l bit longer but still. Gonna end the same way."

— After receiving a weapon from the box.

 ** _Miscellaneous_**

"Hey, check it out! A map of the prison! Five locations marked!"

— After spotting the map of the island and list of plane parts on the wall in the starting room.

"Fuse box, kills ya quick, but don't worry, it ain't permanent."

— After spotting the power box that sends the player into Afterlife Mode.

"We gotta use the wall portals if we wanna get around the prison!"

— When finding a doorway in Afterlife Mode for the first time.

"Oh come on I didn't do nothing,I'm not the bad guy!"

— When being attacked by Sal,Billy and Finn

"I recognize the futility of my actions, yet I carry them out regardless."

— When repairing a barricade.

"Once again we only delay the inevitable."

— When repairing a barricade.

"We can see things when were dead, things that we can't see otherwise."

— When finding a doorway in Afterlife Mode for the first time.

"Won't open without a key..."

— When trying to open something with a Warden's Key lock.

"Here's the master key."

— When obtaining the Warden's Key.

"Here's the key!"

— When obtaining the Warden's Key.

"We need to put these parts together, it might be important."

— When finding a part for a buildable.

"All right, guys, I found the rigging."

— When finding the Rigging plane part.

"I found another can."

— When finding a gas can for Icarus.

"Four more parts and we're out of here."

— When a part is built to the plane.

"We just gotta find the other three."

— When 2 parts are built to the plane.

"We're doin' good. Only two more to go."

— When 3 parts are built to the plane.

"Guess this isn't happening any time soon."

— When trying to buy a door with invalid points.

"Like Icarus, we take flight!"

— While flying on Icarus.

"We're going down?! Again! AAAHHHH!"

— After crashing into the Golden Gate Bridge.

"Look out, guys! It's the guard!"

— Said when Brutus spawns.

"Ah, just what we needed. And not a moment to soon."

— Said when the gondola is activated.

"That wolf head on the wall... it wants blood."

— When seeing Cerberus for the first time.

"Keep going! He needs more!"

— When feeding Cerberus.

"Hey guys, I found the rigging."

— After finding the rigging plane part.

"Now that we got the parts...we should really make a break for the roof."

— When all the parts haven't been added to the plane yet.

"Its working! It looks just like my drawings!"

— After building Icarus

"Please work, I don't wanna die..."

— After sitting in the electric chair.

"Since when did Alcatraz become a speakeasy?"

— Drinking a perk-a-cola. This a also a reference to the speakeasies that were running during the Prohibition-era and how most mobsters in Alcatraz were probably in because they ran them.

"Rejection hurts. But it's not the worst thing...is it, Albert? What really hurts is...to be ignored. You know how that feels better than anyone, don't ya? Sure, they want your skills, your expertise, but only on their terms. They don't care what else you have to offer. How different you could be..if only they noticed you. Is that why you lie to them? Why you promise things you can't deliver? Be careful Al, one day your promises may come back and bite you."

— Talking to himself.

"Are you scared Al? You should be. If they don't already suspect you they will soon. And then what? What will you do when the truths revealed, when your whole house of cards comes tumbling down. Will you confess, or will you run? Where will you run Albert? All around the mulberry bush? There's nowhere to run...nowhere to hide...you know there's only one way this is gonna end Al. Poor...poor...Weasel. "

— Talking to himself.

"Tell me what happened yesterday. Gimme one detail about what happened yesterday. Maybe Billy got another psyche exam. Maybe Finn didn't spend half the day on the can. Just give me one specific detail about yesterday, anything!"

— Talking to the others.

 _ **Billy Handsome**_

 ** _Zombies_**

"Maybe I shoulda toyed with you a li'l longer!"

— After killing a zombie that hurt him

"Damn right you better fall down!"

— After killing a zombie that hurt him.

"Don't even think about it!"

— After killing a zombie that that hurt him

"Say goodnight, bitch!"

— After killing a zombie that hurt him

"Get up! I'm not done with you!"

— After killing a zombie that hurt him

"Feels good, don't it?!"

— After killing a zombie that hurt him

"I've done this before, believe me."

— After getting a grenade kill

"It could have been worse, A LOT worse!"

— After getting a grenade kill

"I ain't keepin' you as a pet!"

— After removing a zombie's legs

"This ain't nothin' new to me!"

— After killing multiple zombies

"Wanna try that again? Too bad ya can't!"

— After killing multiple zombies

"Keep walking you fucks! See what I'm gonna do next!"

— When being swarmed by zombies

"Knock it off, i'll kill you when I feel like it!"

— After a crawler attacks.

"You still here? I thought you would have died by now!"

— After a crawler attacks.

"Got him right between the eyes!"

— After killing a zombie with a headshot.

"How long do ya live after being snapped in half?!"

— After a crawler attacks.

"Ha this is fun, hes crawlin' around lookin' for his legs!"

— After a crawler attacks.

 ** _Finding/discovering something_**

"Guys, you better take a look at this."

— After spotting the map in the starting room

"I think these kill ya. Just not forever!"

— After spotting the power box that sends the player into Afterlife for the first time

"There's some freaky shit around here you can't always see!"

— After finding a doorway in Afterlife for the first time

"There's layers to this shit, it's like peeling back an onion... or some fucker's face!"

— After finding a doorway in Afterlife for the first time

"Anyone else seeing holes on the walls?"

— After finding a doorway in Afterlife for the first time

"Tell me you are all seeing this right? Thing looks like one of Weasel's drawings."

— After finding Cerberus for the first time

"Keep killing these freaks! Something's definitely gonna happen!"

— After feeding Cerberus

"I do this for my own amusement."

— After receiving the Hell's Retriever

"I got the key guys!"

— After receiving the Warden's Key

"Alright we got the oxygen tanks, what's left?"

— After finding the oxygen tank plane part

"What'd I tell you, here's the rigging."

— After finding the rigging plane part

"Here's the sheets, just where my crew where they would be."

— After finding the uniform plane part

"Now we got ourselves an engine."

— After finding the engine plane part

"That's the control valves taken care of."

— After finding the control valve plane part

"You sure this is important, Weasel?"

— After finding an Acid Gat part

"Hey this might be useful. Fuck knows what for!"

— After finding an Acid Gat part

"Eh, I've seen this before. It's part of something."

— After finding an Acid Gat part

"Maybe I'll hold onto this. Maybe I'll figure out why."

— After finding a Zombie Shield part

"Aah, with a few more parts, this could be something good!"

— After finding a Zombie Shield part

"This is a piece of something. And I ain't talking about shit!"

— After finding a Zombie Shield part

"Done and done, boys!"

— After building the Zombie Shield

"Don't mind if I fucking do!"

— After taking a Zombie Shield

"Some kind of machine. How do I turn it on?"

— After building the Acid Gat Kit

"Interesting."

— After retrieving a blue skull with the Hell's Retriever

"Over here! I found something!"

— After retrieving a blue skull with the Hell's Retriever

"I found it guys!"

— After retrieving a blue skull with the Hell's Retriever

"Okay, I got it."

— After retrieving a blue skull with the Hell's Retriever

 _ **Weapons**_

"This shit is nuts! Guns appear outta thin air!"

— After buying an off-wall weapon for the first time

"Once my ammo's gone, things are gonna get interesting."

— When running low on ammo

"I need to find ammo, real fucking soon!"

— When running low on ammo

"Shit is about to get get ugly if I don't get some more lead."

— When running low on ammo

"This is gettin' old. I want ammo dammit!"

— When out of ammo

"I want ammo! Right fuckin' now!"

— When out of ammo

"Alright, knife only."

— When out of ammo

"Don't you fucks expect mercy, just cause I'm out of bullets!"

— When out of ammo

"I'll use freakteeth bullets if I have to!"

— When out of ammo

"You think you're the monsters?! You're dead wrong!"

— After killing zombies with the Death Machine

"Ooooooh boy I'm keepin' this fuckin' thing!"

— After killing multiple zombies with the Death Machine

"I have this, what do you got?!"

— After killing multiple zombies with the Death Machine

"That make your blood boil?!"

— After killing a zombie with the Ray Gun

"Kinda like throwing you on a fire, huh?!"

— After killing a zombie with the Ray Gun

"Aah, I'm havin' a good time! What about you?!"

— After killing a zombie with the Ray Gun

"Ooh, I like this magic shit!"

— After killing multiple zombies with Hell's Retriever

"Fuck me! This shit is fucking great!"

— After killing multiple zombies with the Blundergat

 _ **Mystery Box**_

"Hey guys, you gotta see this, I think I found Pandora's fucking box!"

— After finding the Mystery Box for the first time

"At least I know what THIS is..."

— After getting a weapon from the Mystery Box

"Fuck me, this looks like the right tool for the job!"

— After receiving the Death Machine from the Mystery Box

"I wonder if they'll suffer when I'll hit them with this."

— After receiving the Ray Gun from the Mystery Box

 ** _Power-ups_**

"Looks like it's time to double down!"

— After getting a Double Points

"Now's our chance to make some real dough."

— After getting a Double Points

"This almost makes it too easy!"

— After getting an Insta-Kill

"Now that's more like it!"

— After getting a Max Ammo

"Sweet, we got the guns and we got the bombs!"

— After getting a Max Ammo

"Hey! Save some for me!"

— After getting a Nuke

"That... was beautiful!"

— After getting a Nuke

"I like a li'l bit a mass slaughter!"

— After getting a Nuke

"I like blades, they're more personal!"

— After knifing a zombie during Insta-Kill

"Box is givin' shit away, lets load up!"

— After receiving a Fire Sale.

 ** _Perk-a-Cola_**

"How'd this fucking thing even get here?!"

— After drinking a Perk-a-Cola

"Fuck it, what's the worst that can happen?"

— After drinking a Perk-a-Cola

"This can't be prison water, it's not even yellow!"

— After drinking a Perk-a-Cola

"I don't feel any different!"

— After drinking a Perk-a-Cola

"Yeah, what was that!? Dog soup!?"

— After drinking a Perk-a-Cola

 _ **Miscellaneous**_

"What the fuck? Where am I? What's goin' on? Sal? Finn? You here? The plan, we had a plan, gotta find the parts, gotta get outta here."

— At the beginning of the match (solo)

"Gate's locked, we need to find the key."

— After attempting to open something requiring the Warden's Key without it

"Says we need to find the key somewhere now!"

— After attempting to open something requiring the Warden's Key without it

"This is all your fault,Weasel"

— When Billy attempts to Kill Arlington

"What a surprise! We need a key!"

— After attempting to open something requiring the Warden's Key without it

"Maybe we can negotiate!"

— After attempting to open the Mystery Box without sufficient points

"Maybe I don't want it that much."

— After attempting to open a door without sufficient points

"There a reason this costs?"

— After attempting to open a door without sufficient points

"Guys, aren't we supposed to head onto the roof?"

— After finding all the plane parts but not having built it

"C'mon! Hurry it up!"

— After building the plane

"Go, go, go!"

— After boarding the plane

"Start it up, start it up!"

— After boarding the plane

"It's working! It's actually fucking working!"

— After the plane takes off

"S-strange fucking storm."

— When the plane is in the air

"The bridge? The fireworks over the city? Wait a minute, I've been here before. Is there something I have to do? Something I'm supposed to say? Answer me!"

— After landing on the bridge

"How do I stop this? What am I supposed to do? I don't understand! I can't change what I've done, so you might as well just end this! Kill me, kill me right here, right now, I'm not afraid to die!"

— After landing on the bridge another time

"Am I stuck here until I see the error of my ways?! Until I repent? Well you're gonna have to wait a long time. Because I don't regret a damn thing!"

— After landing on the bridge another time

"How do we get outta here?"

— After spending a while on the bridge

"Don't know why I'm doin' this, I'd rather just let them in."

— After repairing a barricade

"This won't last for one minute once they start comin' in."

— After repairing a barricade

"Okay, we're moving!"

— After activating the gondola

"Let's get outta here!"

— After activating the gondola

"Something's coming... something big!"

— After Brutus spawns

"Keep firing, don't let that fucker get close."

— When being chased by Brutus

"What is he, like the fucking boss of the dead or something?"

— When being chased by Brutus

"When you come back, I'll be right here waiting for you!"

— After killing Brutus

"Ah, it's about time that fucking bastard went down."

— After killing Brutus

"How the fuck are there electric chairs on the FUCKING BRIDGE?"

— After the electric chairs spawn

"Let's get this done! RIGHT, NOW!"

— After sitting in the electric chair

"Guess its a shield."

— After building the zombie shield.

"Don't mind if I fuckin' do!"

— After taking a zombie shield.

"Smart idea hidin' something behind the picture."

— After throwing a Hell's Retriever at the poster in the jail cell.

"What? Where back where we started!"

— After returning from the bridge.

"The planes already built. Did I miss somethin'?"

— After seeing the already built Icarus.

"You need help Finn? You sure look like you need help!"

— After seeing Finn O'leary swarmed by zombies.

"Finn's headed into a world of hurt!"

— After seeing Finn O'leary swarmed by zombies.

"Send 'em my way, I'll take 'em!"

— After seeing a player swarmed by zombies.

"Uuuuuuuuuh, sorry Finn, I think your fucked."

— After seeing Finn O'leary swarmed by Zombies.

"Hang in there Sal, I'll do what I can!"

— After seeing Sal Deluca swarmed by zombies.

"You lookin' to me for help, Sal?"

— After seeing Sal Deluca swarmed by zombies.

"You got to fight your way through 'em Sal!"

— After seeing Sal Deluca swarmed by zombies.

"C'mon Weasel! I thought you were good at gettin' outta trouble!"

— After seeing Albert Arlington swarmed by zombies.

"You think they're goin' for the weakest among us?"

— After seeing Albert Arlington swarmed by zombies.

"Can someone else help that stupid prick?"

— After seeing Albert Arlington swarmed by zombies.

"Daddy had no idea, did he Billy? Just a hard workin' Joe. Tryin' to put food on the table for his wife and son. He thought he was the only one bringin' money into the house. He had no idea what was really goin' on. You knew didn't you? You saw and heard everything, even as a lost little boy. You knew what the truth would do if it ever came out. It had to end sometime Billy...you just happened to be the one who ended it."

— Talking to himself.

"It's ironic isn't it Billy? The harder you try not to feel...anything, the more it hurts. You used to think you push it on to someone else, someone who actually deserved it. So many victims, so much pain. But you can't push it away can you, even when you hurt others, doesn't make it stop does it? You outta just accept..what you are Billy, a monster."

— Talking to himself.

 _ **Multiple Characters**_

Short conversations spoken by multiple characters at any given moment.

"Oh, Oh! Was I just a fuckin' ghost a second ago? It was like I was outside my body!"

— Sal

"The fuck? Are we fuckin' dead?"

— Billy

"Alright, slow down, slow down. Let's think about this. There's gotta be an explanation."

— Finn

"We all thought the same thing, we saw our bodies right before we climbed back in them! Lemme explain somethin' to ya right off the bat... Whatever you do, whatever you say,whatever crazy shit you think of to rationalise this crazy shit remember one thing: It won't fuckin' matter!"

— Albert

After everyone is revived from Afterlife Mode for the first time (co-op)

"There's layers to this shit, it's like peeling back an onion... or some fuckers face!"

— Billy

"You know what's strange? That's in my writing... but I sure as hell don't remember writing it!"

— Albert

If someone comes out of Afterlife Mode for the first time.

"Anyone got any idea why there's fuckin' corpses runnin' around Alcatraz?"

— Finn

"I don't think an explanation's gonna help us."

— Billy

"Don't you realize what's happening? Doesn't anything... feel familiar to you guys? I think we've been trapped here..."

— Albert

"Shut up Weasel, If I say we're gettin' out, we're gettin' out."

— Sal

Said after the first round ends.

"Anyone else startin' to see a pattern here?"

— Albert

"Yeah, these freaks come in waves, one after the other."

— Billy

"We need to stick together."

— Sal

"Why? We're already dead, what's the worst that could happen?"

— Finn

Said after the team are on Round 3 and they are still in the spawn room.

"Listen to me! This whole wing is overrun! We need to get outta the cell block!"

— Sal

"What makes you so sure it's different anywhere else?"

— Finn

"I'm not, I just ain't waitin' around here to die!"

— Sal

"I'm with Sal on this one, we should move."

— Billy

Said when it reaches round three and the group are still in the spawn room.

"That was my choice! you shouldn't interfere."

— Albert

"Did you have a l'il accident or somethin'?"

— Finn

Said after reviving a team mate.

"Look at this, locations marked on a map of the fuckin' prison!"

— Sal

"You know what's strange? That's my writing. But I sure don't remember writing it."

— Albert

Said when Sal spots the map of the island.

"Almost got me, almost."

— Albert

"You're not quittin' on us any time soon."

— Sal

Said after reviving a team mate.

"I don't like the look of these odds!"

— Finn

"What happened Finn? I thought you had this!"

— Sal

Said after reviving a team mate.

"Guys, you better take a look at this."

— Billy

"What does it mean, and who put it there?"

— Finn

Said when Billy spots the map of the island.

"Does anyone else remember planting this here?"

— Finn

"It's where we'll find the parts for the plan."

— Sal

Said when Finn spots the map of the island.

"It was either you or me!"

— Albert

"Hey Weasel! I never saw you shoot this good 'till everything started!"

— Finn

Finn, responding negatively to Albert getting a kill.

"Let's focus on finding the parts so we can get outta here!"

— Albert

"Listen, I think Weasel's right. I don't wanna hang around and see what other weird shit's gonna happen."

— Finn

"I ain't gonna argue with that."

— Billy

"Agreed. Lets get the hell off this rock."

— Sal

Said when it reaches round three and the group are still in the spawn room.

"This place...it's weird. I think we've been here before."

— Sal

"Sure we have. It's the Golden Gate Bridge."

— Finn

"New Year's Eve! It's always New Year's Eve!"

— Sal

"How hard you land Sal? You ain't makin' any sense!"

— Billy

"Sal's right!The escape plan, the plane,everything? we've done it all before!"

— Albert

Said after landing on the Golden Gate Bridge.

"Like before, we wont really die! You're gonna to trust me on this!"

— Albert

"Are you fuckin' kidding me Weasel?!"

— Sal

"If you're wrong, I will haunt you forever Weasel!"

— Billy.

"At this point? I'm about ready to believe anything."

— Finn

Said when the electric chairs are charged.

"I don't think we're gettin' out. Not now, not ever..."

— Finn

"Why do we keep doin' the same shit over and over? Are we in hell?"

— Billy

"I don't think so. I don't think hell knows where the bridge is."

— Sal

"We're in purgatory..."

— Albert

Said after the second attempt to get off the island.

"Holy shit... is everyone okay?"

— Albert

"How the fuck can we be okay? We were all just lookin' down like fuckin' ghosts!"

— Billy

"There's gotta be an explanation. A reason for all this."

— Sal

"I'll give you a reason. It's all Weasel's fault."

— Finn

"Lemme explain somethin' to ya right off the bat... whatever you do, whatever you say, whatever crazy shit you think of to rationalize this crazy shit remember one thing: it wont fuckin' matter!"

— Albert

After everyone is revived from Afterlife Mode for the first time. (Co-op)

 ** _Brutus_**

 ** _Death_**

"YOU CAN'T ESCAPE YOUR SINS!"

— Upon being killed.

"YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE LAST OF ME!"

— Upon being killed.

"I WILL NEVER DIE!"

— Upon being killed.

"IT WILL NEVER BE OVER!"

— Upon being killed.

"I WILL BE REBORN AGAIN!"

— Upon being killed.

"I WILL BE BACK!"

— Upon being killed.

"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO HURT ME?"

— Upon being killed.

"I'M TRAPPED HERE, JUST LIKE YOU!"

— Upon being killed on the Golden Gate bridge.

"I'M JUST GETTING STARTED!"

— Upon being killed.

"NOOOO!"

— Upon being killed.

 _ **Disabling**_

"PRIVILEGES ARE REVOKED!"

— Upon disabling the Mystery Box.

"NO MORE BOX!"

— Upon disabling the Mystery Box.

"LOCKED UP TIGHT!"

— Upon disabling the Mystery Box.

 ** _Easter Eggs_**

"I'M COMING FOR YOU, 872B!"

— After retrieving the Blundergat from the Warden's Office desk. 872B is either Weasel's or Billy's number.

"101A, YOUR NUMBER IS UP!"

— After retrieving the Silver Spoon from the Cafeteria. 101A can also be either Weasel's or Billy's number.

"SO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH..."

— Upon activating the Audio Logs. (Cannot be heard in Afterlife)

"MAYBE NEXT TIME!"

— After entering the number 115 into the number terminal.

"NOT THIS TIME!"

— After entering the number 115 into the number terminal.

Grief ModeEdit

"RIOT IN PROGRESS! THIS PRISON IS IN LOCKDOWN! ONLY ONE TEAM CAN SURVIVE!"

— Said at the start of Grief Mode

"YOU'RE ALL THAT'S LEFT, DEAD MAN WALKING!"

— Said when the player is the last person alive.

"WE'RE NOT DONE YET..."

— Said when everyone dies

"TWO SOULS REMAIN!"

— Said when two people in the enemy team are left.

"VICTORY, IS YOURS..."

— Said when the game ends, and you are the winning team.

"YOUR FATE, IS SEALED..."

— Said when the game ends, and you are the losing team.

"THREE MORE MUST FALL!"

— Said when three people in the enemy team are left.

"THERE IS A SOLE SURVIVOR!"

— Said when one person in the enemy team is left.

 _ **Cut Quotes**_

"COURT'S IN SESSION!"

— unknown, possibly when spawning.

"YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM THE LAW!"

— unknown, possibly when spawning.

"I HAD A LIFE, A WIFE AND SON!"

— unknown, possibly upon being killed.

"SO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH...

-When the 4 codes are put in the terminal.

"I KNEW YOU FOUR WERE IN CAHOOTS!"

— unknown, possibly when chasing the group.

"YOU'RE GONNA LEARN SOME RESPECT!"

— unknown, possibly when chasing the group.

"YOUR'E HERE FOREVER!"

— unknown, possibly when chasing the group.

"THIS IS A PRISON!"

— unknown, possibly when chasing the group.

"PRAY FOR YOUR SINS!"

— unknown, possibly when chasing the group.

"CRIME NEVER PAYS!"

— unknown, possibly when chasing the group.

"BIIILLYY!"

— unknown, possibly when chasing Billy Handsome.

"DON'T TRY TO RUN, BILLY!"

— unknown, possibly when chasing Billy Handsome.

"I WAS ALWAYS NICE TO YOU!"

— unknown, possibly upon being killed.(Reference to opening cutscene)

"9:30, GUARD BEGINS HIS ROUNDS!"

— unknown, possibly when spawning. (reference to the opening cutscene).

"NO PAROLE!"

— unknown.

"I SAID NO TALKING!"

— unknown.

"I'M COMING FOR YOU, SAL!"

— unknown, possibly when chasing Sal Deluca.

"AAARRLINGTOOON!"

— unknown, possibly when chasing Albert Arlington.

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING, WEASEL?!"

— unknown, possibly when chasing Albert Arlington.

"FIIIIIINN!"

— unknown, possibly when chasing Finn O'leary.

"THE GUILTY MUST BE PUNISHED!"

— unknown, possibly when killing a player.

"JUSTICE IS SERVED!"

— unknown, possibly when killing a player.

"GET BACK TO YOUR CELLS!"

— unknown, possibly when downing a player.

"SETTLE DOWN!"

— unknown, possibly when killing a player.

"YOUR LUCK'S RUN OUT, FINN!"

— unknown, possibly when chasing Finn O'leary.

"THOUGHT I WAS AN EASY TARGET?!"

— unknown, possibly when respawning.

"THIS BETTER BE THE REAL DEAL THIS TIME!"

— unknown. (reference to the opening cutscene.

"SAAAALL!"

— unknown, possibly when chasing Sal Deluca.

 ** _Trailers_**

 _ **Reveal Trailer**_

"They say a man is known by the company he keeps. I guess that's why they call me a mobster. I wanted bosses like Sal DeLuca to know my name. He built an entire empire off gambling, prostitution and booze, right under the noses of the cops. Sal rarely got his hands dirty; that was my job. Ice 'em, burn 'em...so long as it made the headlines. Then there were the money-handlers, like Al Arlington. If you could get past the greasy smile and the feeling that you were being conned out of your very soul, Arlington was your man. Finn O'Leary. He was the only guy I knew who could cheat a cheater and get away with it. Had a pretty scarlet for a wife, too...too bad she sold him up the river. That's how we ended up here: Alcatraz. They used to call it "evil island"...and we were about to find out why."

— Billy Handsome

 ** _Where Are We Going? Music Video_**

"This is just a game, isn't it? A big, twisted, fucked up game."

— Finn O'Leary

"I think I understand. Am I here because of the things I've done? The "bad" things? Am I stuck here until I see the error of my ways? Until I repent? Well, you're gonna have to wait a long time, because I don't regret a damn thing! Kill me! Kill me right here, right now! I'm not afraid to die!"

— Billy Handsome

 _ **Extended Music Video**_

"They all look at you the same way, don't they, Al? They see a weasel, and a rat. You're a survivor, Al. No shame in that. Even a rat survives. You can take it, whatever they throw your way."

— Albert Arlington

"You killed before, Finn, but it was always business. Not this time though, pal."

— Finn O'Leary

"You know what greed can do. They'll fight like rats."

— Sal DeLuca

"This is all just a game, isn't it? A big, twisted, fucked-up game."

— Finn O'Leary

"You know the answer to that."

— Sal DeLuca

"I can't change the past. I wish I could, but I just can't."

— Finn O'Leary

"Am I stuck here until I see the error of my ways? Until I repent? Well, you're gonna have to wait a long time, because I don't regret a damn thing!"

— Billy Handsome

"It can't be like this forever. There has to be a way to break the cycle."

— Finn O'Leary

"Either wake me up, or just fucking kill me already."

— Sal DeLuca

"What did I do wrong? How do I put things right?"

— Finn O'Leary

"Kill me! Kill me right here, right now! I'm not afraid to die!"

— Billy Handsome

"What's the matter? Can't escape your own guilt? Do you feel it? Deep down, nagging, eating away at you? Is that really what you want? What do you think will be waiting for you when you get out, Sal? You think the city will be just as you left it?"

— Sal DeLuca


End file.
